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Sunday, October 11, 2009

I am....Phoenix Risen.

I will be overseas and off the grid, for a while.

The me that emerges after will be something new entirely.


Something to think about in my absence:

Do not choose a course of action because it is safe or is logical. That is a terrible waste of living. Choose a course of action because it leads to something you are Thrilled about. Life is too short for security. If the greats in history had lived their lives based on "what is realistic", nothing of greatness would have ever been accomplished. Something Becomes Real, when you refuse to accept that it Couldn't be.

I call it-
.....................THE GOO

The Goo

I'm sick of the goo, the sick goo, that covers the entire world.
I needed to get the fuck away from all of it, and I don't plan on returning until I've found some peace.

There is a prison everywhere in the world of man, and everyone in it a prisoner. If it's not people and twisted relationships, it's the masses of society, if it's not society it's therestrictions of corporations, if you're not a prisoner to your global responsibilties, you're a prisoner to your personal ones. It's always "if not this, then that". It's a Goo. It's a goo that has coated the entire planet and I refuse to contribute further to it. I'm staying away until I've developed a plan. Which will either be becoming Buddha and going off into the woods forever, or something else. The disease which has overtaken it, and how no matter where you look theleprecy it has left is imprinted. There is no escaping the prison as long as you are attached to it. So I had to, I must, leave it.

It's easy enough to see how one could be drawn to it. There's so much of it, so much goop. And it's goop that has additives in it that make you stay addicted. The good food, oh! Thetastes and variations and types of it, heaps of it, mountains, truckloads of it, everywhere. Themoney, and all the stuff, all that goop of stuff that you can buy with it. The cinema, the films,the media, the mags, the television, it's all so very good so very pleasurable. The sex with allthe people, all the pleasures all the differences. The internet and it's vast information, all thetechnologies, all the inventions, all the interesting plays of mathematics and physics that created them. All the artworks and the books, the great thoughts of all the men and the great thoughts they give out. The relationships and the pains and joys they cause. The success andthe failures of the game of achievement. It's all so very addictive. So very easy to succumb to. To choose one tentacle of the goo and be inevitably sucked into all of it. Try a little nice cake at the bakery, remember how good that buttery mulf feels, take up a job to support your cravings of it. Take up an apartment to support your job. Take up friends to support you thru it all. It's a mad fucking cinematic episode it is. All of it. And I could easily take up part in it. I have, I've lived it. I could probably rule the whole thing with enough effort. world domination and all that. But the thing that bugs me about it, the nagging thing that just won't leave me or let me be is that in essence, it's all fake. All that work and all that effort and all that slavery, and you aren't left with anything Real at the end of it all. You can't take a biscuit or a trophy or a wedding ring with ya to your grave. All that is temporal. No matter how high in the goo you rise, how much goo you acquire, how deep in the goo you get, the truth doesn't escape that the goo is fake.


I am remembering a poem I wrote as a child. Poems rather, that won contests. I remember seeing my poems in comparison to all the other children's pathetic attempts for poems and feeling so superior, so above, everyone. And the other children hating me for it and not understanding me for it. And even the teachers somewhat skeptical of me, almost hating that I was not like the other children who were so comfortable in their pathetic mediocreness, that did not strive for something higher in their creations.

This is how I continually feel about the human race when being compared to members of it. How pathetically mediocre their existences are. How they settle for lives that are so drone. That will be forgotten as soon as they die. How they hate me for wanting to believe that I can be something more, how they don't understand me for thinking that the world is so different than the one they perceive as real. How hating me for not valuing their material successes and realistic achievements. For having no congratulatory respect for their bmw's and their private practices and their big houses. For feeling that all of their material grandeur will die when they do. And hating how comfortable they are about it. Not only comfortable, but feeling proud of themselves at their miraculous understanding of the real world they inhabit and being able to conquer small parts of it. And not understanding why I too can't be like them, covet what they covet, value what they value. To them my strange idealisms are ridiculous and irrelevant to the life which they know as life. I am viewed as selfish and unrealistic for valuing a higher philosophical plane than their superficial, temporal one. They tell me that my selfish ways cost other people money. They don't understand that money means nothing. It only has as much meaning as other people give it.

Saturday, September 19, 2009


Holy crap!!!! This is one of the Russian films that I grew up on!!! Can't believe I was able to find it!!! YOUTUBE ROCKS!!!!! WoooHooooo!!!! Parts 1-9 available! =0))))

As The Wind

First saw the music video of this when I was visiting my family in Russia in 07', it has remained one of the most beautiful recent Russian pop songs I have heard. Can't believe I found it!!! Youtube is pretty amazing.

this is not a verbatim translation, there are not really such words of depth in the English language to convey the meaning&layers of Russian.

"as the wind"

when I die I shall become the wind
and will live upon your roof
when you die you shall become the sun
and you shall still be above me
in the autumn wind I will resonate
you won't notice
and I won't make it obvious
and you will warm , everything

chorous: but listen, please do not yet become the sun, for I will sing you songs from the roof, I will wait for your smile alone, I will listen to your favourite vinyls, I will gently take off the snowflakes from your eyelashes, and there will be nothing left but to become wind

when I die, I will become the wind
and will fall to the earth thru the first snowfall
I will fly with you all over the world
there will be no greater happiness than this
when you die, you will become the sun
and will warm all my freezing winters
and from the coldest heart tears will be able to flow

chorous x2

Thursday, September 17, 2009

The Euphoria of Jumping Out of a Plane...WEEE!!!!!

Me skydiving back in August with Gene and Alex


Plummeting to my death from 13,000 at 120mph in Santa Barbara.


Wednesday, September 16, 2009

so about the whole Taylor Swift/Kanye West incident

here's a replay for anyone who didn't see it:

I think Kanye did it because he genuinely supported Beyonce. I don't think he did it to piss anyone off. I rather think it was done out of genuine love for a fellow musician that he felt had went thru a lot and wasn't being recognized for it. I'm sure he felt both stupid and good when Beyonce ended up winning Video of the Year-whereas Taylor only won best Female video. I think Kanye acted rashly and impulsively, but I think he did it out of respect for his friend. We all do rash things in the name of love. I don't mean it like he's in Love with her, but that he really values her as an artist. I can imagine doing something like that if I felt strongly enough about something. I doubt that he was even aware it was national tv. when you're in that moment, you're in that moment, you aren't thinking clearly. Beyonce was gracious in remedying the whole thing, Kanye has already stated a public apology, Taylor will remember that moment for the rest of her life. If you think it's sad that she never got to live her glory, yes that is true, but she also got one of the most memorable moments in VMA history! She's a talented and great artist with a bright future ahead of her, and I'm sure she's mature enough to be over it. This great controversial moment in music history was great, though I believe it can be summed up to being an impulsive act of love rather than some underbellied move of politics or "black man hates white woman". You know how you would fight anyone who didn't value your loved ones, your friends, your family, well imagine that animosity of emotion whlst being famous. If you had a friend that was super brilliant that you felt wasn't getting the recognition they deserved, wouldn't it tick you off? Even if your own perception of it wasn't true, your brain wouldn't be able to distinguish the difference. Kanye goofed, but he realized his mistake.

Let's try to remember the overall Spirit of the VMA's, which was LOVE, especially in honoring Michael Jackson. So stop with the bickering and trying to assign some ghastly agenda to Kanye's simple action.

Put yourself in other people's shoes and see what they see.

That solves 99.9 % of any problem, world or otherwise.

Peace out.


I imagine a new world. I imagine a new paradigm shift. Maybe it will only arise with 2012, maybe later, maybe earlier. I imagine an era where Thought and Idea are given the Greatest of value. Greater than fame, achievement, success or glory. Where the seeking of Truth , is realized as the highest level of human experience any human can reach. An era in which the scientists, the philosophers , the writers and the thinkers, will have their own “mtv”. Will have their own “oscars”. And not just the nobel prizes, which are reserved for the high elite, usually in their 70's close to old age, recognized for the Lifetime achievements they have made. A new era in which the true World Class THINKERS are actually Listened to for a change. A world in which peace is not an unrealistic dream but a factual reality. In this reality, fictional gems of entertainment though they are, Twilight and Harry Potter will pale in significance to the global contributions of works to rival Shakespeare. Where young Poets, and Scholars, are given the same celebrity hoo-haa reserved for the masses of undeserving Paris Hilton wannabes of today. A new era of mergence of man and thought, where dreamers are not told to stop dreaming, but will prevail as the victorious leaders of Courage and Strength. Where the geeks and the nerds will not be bullied by the bullies, but given the platform of voice, and the tools to make their innovative visions for a new reality, actual reality. A new era in which there will be more effort spent in harnessing together enlightened minds than to seek future slaves to amass in regurgitative employee-breeding academic institutions. A new generation of brilliants who put their energy into upholding the truths self evident to our very existence, rather than wasting their talents on becoming robots in a media-scheme that defines “success”. I dream of this day, which, despite the dislike of all those so violently against it, is coming fast upon us. This day when the front page news will be a story of humanity's progress, and not it's hatred and downfall. When it is no longer “weak” to share emotions, no longer “delusional” to dream grand dreams, no longer “foolish” to take giant leaps toward a completely unknown future. This new world, which will Harness the tools of technology and not be Addicted to it. This new sunrise which will bring awakening not possible thru superficial trends of “happiness”, but a true sense of the purpose of every living being. The sparkling colours of this new world will not be those of religious zealots condemning the world to fear the words of an imaginary dictator. Rather an internal humbling energy felt amongst All lifeforms in acknowledgement and respect of this mysterious quantity around us known as Life. That though the ultimate question of Why we are all here may never be answered, to live in a world in which the Revolution is to no longer Ignore the question, but to Embrace it. When will that flickering box with it's shimmery fantasies be valid of worth? When the channels our young flip thru be comprised of messages of Love, instead of messages of Cynicism and Materialistic Filth. When the youth of our planet rid themselves of temporary pleasures and a lifestyle of trash, and instead Jump at the opportunity to fill their souls with Meaning. This reality in which the time and focus spent on creating commercials to convince consumers to Buy Buy Buy, and audiences of theatrical spectacles to not be Forced with any one genre of a message, this focus of the world and it's people will re-direct itself towards eliminating Consumers and Sellers and re-invent a sustainable economy of Seekers. Where people will not Live to Work, not Work to Live, not Make Money to Survive or to Buy Buy Buy crap they don't need, but to Seek continuously higher truths about their own minds and hearts. To live in a light where earthly concerns are no longer relevant, or even necessary. This new world, what a grand world it is. For it will be just as full of contradictions as the world we live in now. But in this new world, contradictions, will no longer be, Judged. Every individual will be free to be exactly as they are, with no one right of how they should be or should aspire to be. Love will not be limited to being between one man and one woman. But open to three women and one tree, two men and an elephant, five children and a smile. This world where money will Not be the ultimate objective in analyzing a person's true motive. This is not a world about hippies and making love and not war. There will be the brutality of nature, the raw beauty of instinct. But it will be Pure. Not twisted and devoid of Understanding. An Understanding that every day, every Minute, of this gift we live in, holds such precious Power in it's every second. That with our every action, another being is affected, and to make that effect, one of Love. For in this world, of this world, love will be the closes truth of coming close to making any sense of the complexity which surrounds us. And It, will hold truer than any law system, any political disparity, any economical fault or gain. This Love, will be what every being will turn to, when lost, when afraid, when alone. A love that is overpowering, and yet quiet. A love which shakes the soul into the depths of despair and yet rights it. A love which is felt, felt so freely and so deeply and so fully, that eventually every day it will grow closer and closer to being Seen. That when you will wake upon a morning and see the sun, that when you will gaze upon the stars of a dark sky, you will be able to see in this new world, it's shimmers, it's shinings, it's Glows, irrefutable, undeniable. This world isn't in my imagination. It's a prophecy that Shall be fulfilled, and slowly is coming to fruition. And every egotistical mind which initially sneers at it, will eventually bow to it. Not in fear, not in terror, but in tears of realization that every second of our albeit Limited existence, thru Love, is Unlimited. That one person, is never, was never, will never be, alone.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


Two brilliant musicians talking with one another, INCREDIBLE.

Exactly, Arvo gives his listeners space , in his music. Freedom. Their own Universe.

What My Soul Feels Right Now

Arvo offers us room to explore in our own universe, to dance upon the wavelengths on our minds. His never forced....never aggressive. Though it is immensely Powerful, in it's absence of the struggle for power. It overtakes you and fills you with the essence of Light, and Dark, both. It's pure simplicity is as complex as the magic of the emotions it makes you feel, the strand of beauty which you can Sense and Taste and See when you close your eyes. It maddens you with obsession and takes you to a place of divine peace that normally is only possible to reach by falling in love.

Arvo's music makes life anyway....worth living. I don't think there is any higher element of truth music can offer, to give the Hope, of Life, to someone.

Monday, September 14, 2009

True Story, I just wish someone had videotaped it

This was around 2 pm today on the intersection of Franklin Avenue and Hollywood Blvd.

I was on one of my regular jogs/runs throughout the city, wearing my usual all black outfit w/beanie, as that is just the shit I like to wear when I run, K? great. fantastic. moving on.

3 cops, 1 somewhat fat, 1 really fat, 1 sort of young even I guess could be considered attractive in some standards, were all talking outside of their parked car.

Talking about what? I don't know. Maybe bitching about the fact that donut price has gone up since the recession.

So. There's the 3 of them, and the 1 of me, and I'm about to cross the street. Yea bla bla it was a red light and that little dude that glows on the "you may now walk" interactive crosswalk sign wasn't blinking on the other side of the street. But there were NO CARS. And by that I mean exactly that, NO CARS. The street I was about to cross was absolutely empty and the cross traffic was going forward in my direction. So, I continue running across the street. Not really ever occurring to me that I'm "sticking it to the man" with the cops being on the other side because I genuinely didn't think it was any big deal to be crossing a street with again, ZERO CARS on it.

Soon as I hit the pavement on the other side I shit you not, the somewhat fat cop reaches out and grabs my hand as I'm jogging past them. Like literally the bastard reaches out and grabs my hand interrupting my lovely gliding run and causing the right headphone to fly out of my ear. And that totally pissed me off right there because I HATE to be interrupted whilst immersed in any activity, Especially running, Especially while listening to one of my favorite songs at the moment (Just Like You Imagined-Nine Inch Nails). SO. Now that fattie has let go of my arm, and has me paused and panting on the sidewalk, I remove my hoodie and just stare at all 3 of them. One thing you must know about me, I rarely ever speak unless it is absolutely necessary in social situations, which usually drives people nuts, but that's just the way I am, not to piss anyone off, I just see no point in talking for the sake of empty chitter chatter. I guess my silence was having some huge effect on the 3 egos in front of me because fattie grabbed my hand Again and started pulling me towards their cop car. Generally, I'm a peaceful person. This was just a "wtf" moment. So I reacted, unintentionally, but instinctually. I made a sharp turn and moved my arm upwards, causing fattie's arm to fly off mine and hang limp at his side, to which, (men are such babies, geezus), the pussy I swear to the thanksgiving turkey, said "oww, you bitch!" and hugged his arm with his other hand (which I laugh at-because seriously, it was hilarious). So now the other two geezers are moving towards me, (is that supposed to be some intimidating tactic?), and the big fattie starts talking, "What the hell are you doing crossing the street on a red light?". To which I say, "dude. There are No cars."
And he spuffs, "You Saw there were 3 police officers on the other side of the street and you crossed anyway."

Me, "Yea, SIR, there were No cars on the street. That rule is more of a guideline, you know, to keep retards from dying."

Ok, I Probably shouldn't have said that, but this whole "we are the mighty powerful protectors of los angeles and you are a criminal for disobeying our worthy rule" thing that they were on was irritating me.

Big Fattie: "Ah so I see, you're a smartass aren't you. "

Me, "Wow. Congratulations! You have correctly identified an individual for being who they are. Didja learn that in cop school?"

Now that really pissed the 3 of them off. The sort of good looking one then goes up to me and says "I could arrest you right now".

to which I laugh and step closer into his face, "for what? Exercising my freedom of speech?"

I'm really wondering, and appalled when I think about this in hindsight why 1 girl, on a street, is being interrogated by 3 cops, in broad daylight, and NOT A SINGLE PERSON pulls over to check what the fuck is going on.

Ok so then Mr. sort of good looking pulls me over to the cop car, slams me against it, takes both my arms and squeezes them behind my back.

Yea I wasn't having none of that. I'm not trying to sound like a hardass here but for cops these guys were really pretty weak. I put pressure on my right arm and twist to the left, forcing His left arm to release his grip, and now we're face to face. At which point, ah, one of my proudest moments, I look him in the eye and say, "You can't arrest me for nothing and that just kills you, doesn't it." I REALLY , I mean REALLLLLY wanted to kick him in the nuts but that probably would have been a stupid thing to do. But I was tempted.

And now the 1st fattie who I guess has "recovered" from my oh-so-brutal beating of his arm LMAO comes closer and says, "another word you punkass and I'll lay a citation on you for crossing the street on a red light. And being dressed like you're going to a funeral."

Me: Laughing.

and laughing some more.

"Really? Damn that's some power man! I should have been a cop. You're gonna give me a citation for crossing a street with No cars on it, and then you're gonna tell me that I'm not allowed to wear whatever the fuck I want in expressing my right to Express myself, in this grand America that you're so apparently protecting?"

and then the sorta good looking one looks at me and says, "another word and we're writing you a citation."

And I say, "word".

Then gave a mocking military salute. And run. Run very fast.

K no I wasn't on drugs and yes I was sober. It was just one of those situations which more logically could have been solved with "yes sir. I'm sorry sir. fuck me up the ass sir. Sorry to disturb you sir." But I just couldn't say that. I'm sick of the control this supposed LAW SYSTEM has over people. Who just stand or sit there and take abuse because they are AFRAID of "what might happen".

you know what happened when I ran?

Absolutely nothing. I put my headphones back on pretty fast, I thought I heard a "hey where are you going?!!" but I'm not sure.

Nothing happened.

I ran and ran , up to runyan canyon and then I took a breath. half expecting them to be chasing me.


Moral of the story? I don't know . there isn't really a moral.

I guess, I don't know. mouthing off to idiots is fun. And.....they couldn't do shit, and they knew it.

so...yea. anyway.

another day in hollywood. woop de woop.

It's not any big deal. but just I wish someone had caught this on tape. it would have been pretty funny on youtube I think.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

I lie in the sound

I love you more than I should
So much more than is good for me
More than is good

Oh the timing is cruel
Oh I need and don't want to need
More than I should

I am falling, say my name
And I'll lie in the sound
What is love, but whatever
My heart needs around

Oh my sheet is so thin
So I say I can't sleep because
It's so very cold

Oh but I know what I need
And if you were just near to me
Would you go...

I am falling, say my name
And I'll lie in the sound
What is love, but whatever
My heart needs around

I am falling, say my name
And I'll lie in the sound
What is love, but whatever
My heart needs around

And it needs you too much now

Thursday, September 03, 2009

How Do You Know If Someone is Lying to You - Telltale Signs of a Liar

Author: Gillian Reynolds

Exactly how do you know if someone is lying to you? That's a question we all feel a need to ask at some point. It's frustrating when you believe someone you care about is being dishonest with you. It's even more disappointing when you tell them you think they are lying and they brush it off. Short of hooking them up to a lie detector machine, is there a way to tell if they're being untruthful with you? There actually is. There are a few distinct body language signs of a liar that can help you determine whether or not someone is being honest with you.

One of the telltale signs of a liar that most people aren't aware of is very subtle, but also very telling. Liars have a tendency to want to cover up their lies but figuratively and literally. When a person is lying to you watch their hands. If they bring their hands up to their face and hold one near their mouth or nose that's a signs of a liar. Subconsciously they are trying to cover up their lie and to do so they attempt to conceal their mouth in some way. Most liars aren't even aware that they are doing this at all. Watch for it next time you question the person you believe is lying to you.

Another of the body language signs of a liar is more obvious. It's difficult for most liars to maintain eye contact for any period of time. If the person you believe is lying to you looks to the left often when talking to you, that's not a promising sign. They are having trouble looking directly tat you because they know they are misleading you. Pay special attention to the eyes of the suspected liar. They will tell you a lot about the person.

About the Author:

Most lies are never uncovered and the person being lied to is oblivious. If you believe someone you care about is lying to you, it can undermine your trust in them. There's an easy and incredibly effective way to spot a liar. If you are tired of second guessing whether or not your spouse is telling the truth, you can become a human lie detector.

Lies hurt people and they destroy relationships. Don't waste another minute of your time agonizing over whether or not your spouse is lying to you. You can find out right now whether they are being truthful or not. You deserve to know what's really going on.

Article Source: -
How Do You Know If Someone is Lying to You - Telltale Signs of a Liar

Everyone is a Liar

My kitty, who now is three sizes bigger than when I first adopted her, is biting my leg. She believes that my feet are her chew toys. My sleep cycle is all fucked up since coming back from Malaysia. My diet consists of Reese's Peanut Butter Puffs and strawberry tea. I have questions that beg for a million answers. None of which I can immediately solve, because sadly, the older you get the more you realize that many of life's questions aren't only limited to profound shit like "why are we here?", but "why did so-and-so act this way?". People. None of them can be trusted. Most of them are a waste of time. Numbers I like. Logic I like. Even my kat who is trying to eat me alive I like. Pythons I like. Knives I like. People are beautiful. So addicting, and so empty. Because at the end of it, they're only good for a few things. Sex. Business. Networking. You Hope, you Wish, that they'd be great for love. But this vessel has learned that love is yet another one of life's "HAHAHAHAAHA!'s" at you. You put all your everything into one person and they can fuck you over just like that. That type of cruelty shouldn't be allowed. It should be illeagal. How is it that physical rape, arson, defacement to public property are illegal and yet damaging a person, an actual living person, is allowed? And that more and more, because of the increasing loneliness of the 21st century, people willingly engage in these bizarre occurances known as relationships, putting themselves out there to be damaged. What the fuck is the point. Of anything. I'm sleeping thru life.

Right now the best reason I have to stay alive is to learn how to play the violin that my awsum friend Alex bought for me for my birthday. I'm shocked that he remembered I wanted one.

I've watched Jesus Camp and Confessions of a Superhero in the past 2 days, and I think I've found a new addiction. Documentaries. Somehow they seem to be a better use of time than ordinary movies. At least the people who made them are trying to create practical change. Well someone has to watch all these movies right? That would be me.

Also an interesting flick:

Dakota Skye. A quirky reality based indie flick about a girl who "cannot be lied to". That's her superpower. She can tell when someone is lying. To actually get, Truth. A thing which most spend their entire lives trying to find and never do.

Right now, that to me, seems the best superpower to have.

I'm so tired of the bullshit people spew.

And the sickest part is, even when you Know somewhere within your logical self, that they're spewing bullshit, if you Believe in people, regardless of how retarded the shit they are saying sounds, you refuse to admit they're lying to you.

News alert.

Most , if not all people, lie , Most, if not all the time.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Jesus Camp

This film is absolutely horrifying.

Anyone curious about just how deep of an impact fundamentalists are making in damaging the world needs to see this. Keep an open mind though. There were more than a few times when I had my fists balled up in anger.

There is so much which needs to be changed.

The western world needs a make-over.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

back in the city of lost angels

is back in Hollywood. Already missing the East. and Malaysia's incredible Rain. The Only thing I'm super psyched about being back in the Western world is taking a few Harvard distance courses this fall. And by the way, if anyone loves to learn, MIT offers FREE open source web courses in practically every subject: (I'm brushing up on my French this year)

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Aaaagggh! Inbox Overload!!!


and more Aagggggghhh!!!!

There should be a job just for responding to emails. But I don't have time to do that job!!!!

Thanks for all the messages folks, I cherish them so.

But I'm overloaded!!! Take it easy on my please ;0.

due to this my mailbox is full to capacity.

if you need to reach me for all future reference please email Thanks!

I'll be in LankaVie Island off the Gold Coast of Malaysia for the next few days, then Taiwan, will get back to you after I'm in Hollywood Aug. 30

Paul and the Pursuit of Happiness

A touching, tragic, yet beautiful true news story............

The Pursuit of Happiness

The famous phrase is based on the writings of English writer John Locke, who expressed that "no one ought to harm another in his life, health, liberty or possessions."

The first article of the Virginia Declaration of Rights adopted unanimously by the Virginia Convention of Delegates on June 12, 1776 and written by George Mason, is:

That all men are by nature equally free and independent, and have certain inherent rights, of which, when they enter into a state of society, they cannot, by any compact, deprive or divest their posterity; namely the njoyment of life and liberty, with the means of acquiring and possessing property, and pursuing and obtaining happiness and safety.

Benjamin Franklin was in league with Thomas Jefferson in downplaying protecting "property" as a goal of government, replacing the idea with "happiness". The United States Declaration of Independence reads:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
August 22 11:37pm
What about The Pursuit of Happiness? (Part One)
In 2003, in the true spirit of liberty a man named Paul hopped on a bus headed toward Raleigh North Carolina from Upstate New York, it was a seventeen-hour ride, the first trip of this kind he had ever made. He was on his way to meet a friend of his to collaborate on a writing project they had mused about for a year previous. Thirty minutes away from his destination on the interstate, the bus he was riding on drove through an intersection where a homeless man was asking for change. It was broad daylight, the light had turned green and the bus accelerated paying no attention to and not noticing the man at somebody's driver's side window asking for "change". The bus struck and killed the man within an instant. Paul only stayed a week in Carolina but that moment was a defining one and one that would carry on in his mind throughout the years as he tried to find his place in the world. He has found his place.

Fast-forward 6 years to the present day. Paul has been sleeping on couches for the last 3 years of his life as he looks avidly for a job that not only pays off his debt but also allows him to save enough for his 3-year-old son and any future he may grant him. Any income he has earned thus far and any tax returns have been taken by the federal government in an effort to pay his student loans back, no mind he's not 5 years out of college and doesn't even have a bed let alone a job. He has been held back, not advanced, by his decision to go to college.

The creditors have sued Paul over 5 times in the last two years and won on account of Paul having no legal representation. If it were up to Paul, he would be suing them. Translating his inability to pay as a refusal to pay, they have gone as far as sending a sheriff to the place he resides to repossess any "things of value" and auction them off to the public. He has had any or all property of value levied against this debt. Of course this wasn't much to begin with, and though now left with nothing material in his possession (aside from a few books), they have been unable to garnish or detach him from his spirit. He has not one moment given up his search for work and a more positive future. Unlike a majority of people who turn to public assistance when in trouble financially, Paul believes his debts are his own, and for better or worse he (and not others) is the one who has to pay them back. He has been lucky enough to have a family that either loves or pities him enough to offer him refuge in the form of a place to sleep and a meal ticket. However for Paul this place of refuge has turned burdensome and he wishes to remove himself completely from such dependency. Recently, days after being turned down for a fast-food job and receiving a letter to say he was eligible for wage garnishment and litigation from the department of justice without even being employed, Paul kicked it into high gear, tapping into the social network he has built over the years for help or consolation.

August 22 11:30pm
What about The Pursuit of Happiness? (Part Two)

While the government and the system in general boasts of being one of justice, it here has found time to harass and hold down a poor, ambitious, hard working Father of a young boy. In their pursuit of justice they fail to take the time to do anything for him but hold him back from his own happiness and security. They want him to drain on the system; they want him to be dependent on them for his survival. Paul refuses to do so.

Why don't they investigate further the truth about Sept. 11, 2001? Why don't they confront the widespread corruption in government? Why don't they prosecute war criminals and supporters of torture? Why don't they respect the constitution? What need is there to punish those who are trying just to live their lives and find work enough to put food on the table for their family? There is no need for it.

Paul was offered a job in California, or at least the prospect of one that not only fits into what his strengths are, but one that shows a potential for economic growth otherwise scarce in today's struggling economy. Since he could not afford to move out to California immediately, his Father suggested he stay in New York to look for work even without offering any assistance as to where Paul might begin to find any. "Become a cop" was the quick and easy answer given to him. This wasn't the answer Paul wanted from his Father, but then again his Father has always failed to notice:

Paul is an artist, a political activist, a musician, an old soul in a new world, a journalist, an author and a poet. More importantly, Paul is a Father, a Son, a Brother and a lover of his country.

"In the beginning of a change, the patriot is a scarce man, and brave, and hated and scorned. When his cause succeeds, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot." ~ Mark Twain

Paul has made the decision to walk from New York to California since he has no other way of getting there. He is okay with this. He will not be tread upon anymore by a corrupt system.

The desire for freedom is not dependent upon financial support. Paul has said he will die if he has to in defending liberty. "When held in place by an apparatus that would not aid or encourage us to be free, we must free ourselves from that apparatus."

Paul's goal is to get to California obviously, but he has it also set in his heart to inspire in others, the memory of free will and the power of the human spirit. He will be releasing his second album when he gets to Los Angeles, as well as writing about his travels while moving across the country. He is willingly removing himself from the grid of control in hopes that some of you will follow suit.
Paul is planning on departing from ground zero in NYC on September 12th 2009 after meeting and rallying w/ members of We Are Change NYC, he will be heading south through Philadelphia, Washington D.C. and Virginia towards North Carolina stopping all along the way to meet with other patriots, from that point he will turn southwest through Georgia and further west to Texas to meet w/ more friends of liberty. From Texas he will head north to Denver, west through Utah and into California his ultimate destination.

Most people will think he's crazy, others will call him brave, but Paul is satisfied in knowing he pursued happiness when other elements attempted to strip the opportunity away. This page wasn't Paul's idea but after numerous offers of support and a suggestion by a friend of his that it would be good to have, here it is.

Life. Check. Liberty. Check. The Pursuit of Happiness.....Check.

Who Made the List? Watch to Find Out.......!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The Expression is "New York Never Sleeps". Change that to "Liliana Never Sleeps". Ever since being in Malaysia...I'm now going on 48 hour days.

I wonder if that'll change when I'm back in Hollywood. It's only been 3 weeks here but it feels like eons of time.

I'm detesting going back to speaking English. Detesting Western culture, Western clothing, Western speak, thought and philosophy, Western men, Western ways and mannerisms.

Not much looking forward to going back "home". Not that I really have a home anywhere. I am my own home. And not even that.

3 am. Don't feel much like sleeping. Life's too short for that.

So here's me right now.

Wonder what everyone else is doing.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Miss you!!!

hehe always loved these photos of you ;0))

Muuuwwwhhhaaaaaa xoxoxoo Gian

have fun in Romania !!!! missin you from Malaysia!!! but don't miss me Too much =0p see you in France sooon =0))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Alienesque.....Uncomparable Beauty

in the valley of beauty
lives a being born of purity
in his eyes are truth
a body the musculature of perfection
in the valley of the romantics
lives a being who speaks only to love

this being is ageless, immortal, infinite and neverending
alive in the scrolls of shakespeare
battled in the illiads of troy
conquered metropolis
flew as superman and saved our world

this being reminds us of what we seek
what we dream
this being knows only the highest of light
the most honest euphoria

don't tell yourself it's just an illusion.

this being exists
just another footstep
just another day
just another lonely night away

Fall forward

and embrace.......

Sunday, August 23, 2009

आप नुकसान प्यार की वजह से हुए नुकसान का प्यार नहीं.

चाँद रात .... जल्दी ही तुम सब ही .... किया गया था तुम्हारे दिल के बाहर है कि bittersweet बकवास डाल ..... सब मुझ पर यह थूकना मेरे खुले घाव अपने नमक में नृत्य मुझे यह बताया ... . और मैं तुम्हारी आँखों के उत्क्रमण के लिए ... कुछ रासायनिक अपराध हाय भीख माँग में gazed? ..... नहीं शैतान मुझे मेरे सपनों में ... वह draggin 'मुझे नीचे शराब में और चालाकी से मन पर नियंत्रण, आप की वजह से बात की है, तो नुकसान की वजह से ....... प्यार
सूरज पर कभी कभी मैं नज़र वापस, यह आंख तुम्हारी वजह से सूखे ..... मेरे retinas विरंजन में मुश्किल प्यार, तुम किया है .... आप fucked नहीं हो अवगत नहीं हैं इस क्षति की वजह से ताक पर जैसा कि तुम मेरे achilles एड़ी ..... हाँ आप अपने सिंहासन पर स्क्रॉल लिखने बैठ .... मैं आपका आशीर्वाद चरणों में, एक मूर्ख ..... जैसे धनुष और मैं खाने के बिना गोधा निगल लिया है, क्योंकि मैं ' तुम्हारी वजह से है क्योंकि यह इतना घृणित है ..... मी भूखे, मैं प्यार करता हूँ, क्षति के कारण अपना मांस खाने ......... तुम इसे बाहर चलने के लिए चयन किया ..... यह था कि सरल मुझे बाहर की नसों चीर करने के लिए ...... मैं नहीं हूँ बहुत कुछ नहीं काफी कुछ भी नहीं कुछ भी नहीं है या सब कुछ ..... तुम मुझे प्यार का भ्रम डबरा एक ..... मैं हर सवाल छोड़ दिया है प्रश्न और सोचा था ...... आपने कहा कि कर्मचारियों की तरह ..... साथ एक amtrack पर fading पर ..... यह कदम अच्छी तरह से तुम्हें प्यार करता हूँ ..... तुम बकवास है और मैं इस दानव को मार डालेगा बकवास अपने ठंडे आत्मा ...... तुम बकवास क्षति प्यार की वजह से हुए नुकसान का प्यार है.

I have been punished for Loving....What was my sin?

Movie Name: Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam
Lyric Name: Tadap Tadap
Title: Tadap Tadap Film Name: Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam Music: Ismail Darbar Lyrics: Mehboob Singers: K.K. Category:

Bejaan dil ko, bejaan dil ko
My lifeless heart, my lifeless heart
Bejaan dil ko tere ishq ne zinda kiya
Your love brought my lifeless heart alive
Phir tere ishq ne hi is dil ko tabaah kiya
Then your love itself ruined this heart

(Tadap tadapke is dil se aah nikalti rahi
Suffering and suffering, a sigh arises from this heart
Mujhko saza di pyaar ki, aisa kya gunaah kiya
I have received punishment for love, what kind of sin have I committed?
To lut gaye, haan lut gaye
I have been completely looted, yes completely looted
To lut gaye hum teri mohabbat mein) - 3
I have been completely looted in your love

Ajab hai ishq yaara, pal do pal ki khushiyaan
Love is strange, friend, there is a moment or two of happiness
Gham ke khazaane milte hain phir milti hain tanhaaiyaan
Then you get the treasure of sorrow, then you get loneliness
Kabhi aansu kabhi aahein, kabhi shikwe kabhi naale
Sometimes tears, sometimes sighs, sometimes complaints, sometimes lamentations
Tera chehra nazar aaye
Your face comes to sight
Tera chehra nazar aaye mujhe din ke ujaalon mein
Your face comes to sight to me in the light of day
Teri yaadein tadpaaye
Your memories torture me
Teri yaadein tadpaaye raaton ke andheron mein
Your memories torture me in the night's darkness
Tera chehra nazar aaye
Your face comes to sight
Machal machalke is dil se aah nikalti rahi
Twisting and turning, a sigh arises from this heart
Mujhko saza di pyaar ki, aisa kya gunaah kiya
I have received punishment for love, what kind of sin have I committed?
To lut gaye, haan lut gaye
I have been completely looted, yes completely looted
To lut gaye hum teri mohabbat mein
I have been completely looted in your love

Agar mile khuda to puchhoonga khudaaya
If I were to meet God, I would ask, oh Lord
Jism mujhe deke mitti ka, sheeshe sa dil kyoon banaaya
Giving me a body of hard clay, why did you make my heart like glass?
Aur uspe diya fitrat ke voh karta hai mohabbat
And on top of that you gave it the tendency to fall in love
Waah re waah teri kudrat
Oh how remarkable, your nature
Waah re waah teri kudrat, uspe de diya kismat
Oh how remarkable, your nature, on top of that you gave this fate
Kabhi hai milan kabhi furqat
Sometimes there is a union, sometimes separation
Kabhi hai milan kabhi furqat, hai yehi kya voh mohabbat
Sometimes there is a union, sometimes separation, is this that "love"?
Waah re waah teri kudrat
Oh how remarkable, your nature
Sisak sisak ke is dil se aah nikalti rahi
Whimpering and whimpering, a sigh arises from this heart
Mujhko saza di pyaar ki, aisa kya gunaah kiya
I have received punishment for love, what kind of sin have I committed?
To lut gaye, haan lut gaye
I have been completely looted, yes completely looted
To lut gaye hum teri mohabbat mein
I have been completely looted in your love
Tadap tadapke is dil se aah nikalti rahi
Suffering and suffering, a sigh arises from this heart
Mujhko saza di pyaar ki, aisa kya gunaah kiya
I have received punishment for love, what kind of sin have I committed?
To lut gaye, haan lut gaye
I have been completely looted, yes completely looted
To lut gaye hum teri mohabbat mein
I have been completely looted in your love

Saturday, August 22, 2009


"You are very precious, take care of yourself, please.
If someone fails to value a diamond, it's his loss ... the diamond becomes no less valuable. Plus if a person really loves you, he will forgive you EVERYTHING.

The person who fails to hear your pleas, in fact had already made up his mind with respect to leaving you ... and often that person just looks for an excuse and once he gets that, he sacrifices (butchers) you ..."

-a friend.

That quote describes Perfectly the situation.

Said it better than I could have.

Man when I pick em', somehow I really pick the true assholes. 5 years of that stupidity.

5 years of the damage.

I hate the schmuck. HATE him.

I hope the arrows of poison infect his cruel, cold heart.

I'd like to kill the bastard.

So much ANGER within me. so much, so much, of ....."MUCH"!!!!

I can't comprehend it. Can't even begin to fathom it. Everything for 5 years has been a lie.

How can someone be so WEAK to live a lie? I lived truly. I Loved truly. With ALL I had within me. And he.....

I don't even know. I have no fucking clue. It's beyond inhuman. It's.....evil.

that miscreant, is pure evil. evil Appears beautiful. Appears enticing. Appears strong.

but it is the Weakest of all elements.

it has no soul. is has no infinity. it ends just as black. light....continues on and on and on.

but HE. HE SHALL END. HE SHALL END END END END. because if he could be so cruel to someone,

who has only given him ALL OF HERSELF, then he has no heart. and is therefore already dead.

He doesn't hate me. I was never that deep in him. He was just too scared to say it. Coward coward coward.

I gave him a good excuse.

that's over and done.

fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you, FUCK YOU HELMUT MARKO.

You are a disease.

I've been ill for five years.

good luck marrying an uneducated village girl since you couldn't handle a real woman.

marry. HA. You spit those words out to me like a damn hyena.

you don't understand their value.

may the universe help whatever poor woman you choose to "love" next.

The Damage-Version with Vocals

A friend asked me why I continue to spend time on someone unworthy.


Because if I don't make art out of my pain, I will go insane. Misery, even if Past misery, is only useful if you can be productive from it.

"This is not just a video, rather it is a dirge that bemoans the extreme breach of a loving heart's trust.
It'll for ever stand as a monument to the shame of all those heartless backstabbers that ruin other people's lives owing to an inherent selfishness and lack of courage.
The state of such arrant fools is to be pitied, since, like animals they are incapable of feeling remorse and repentance...thus lacking the essential characteristics of being humans.Woe has an end, shame is everlasting."

-off of YouTube-The Best Comment I have Ever Received. THANK YOU BILAL.

Friday, August 21, 2009


the moon night rush....yea you told me it all was done....yea you poured that bittersweet bullshit out of your heart.....spit it all over me my open wounds danced in your salt....and I gazed in your eyes begging for the reversal...some chemical transgression alas? the devil spoke to me in my dreams...he's draggin' me down into alcohol and manipulated mind control , because of you love, because of the damage.......
sometimes I glance back at the sun, stare it hard in the eye bleaching my retinas dry.....because of you love, because of the damage you've're not aware you're not fucked over as you've swallowed the iguana without my achilles heel.....yea you sit on your throne writing scrolls....I bow at your blessed feet, like a fool.....and I eat because I'm starving, I eat my own flesh because it's so disgusting.....because of you love, because of the damage.........did you choose to walk it off.....was it that simple to rip the veins of me out......I'm not quite something not quite anything not nothing or've left me a puddle of delusion love.....I question every question and said move it the workers at an amtrack fading on.....well fuck you love.....fuck you and I will kill the demon in your cold soul......fuck you love because of the damage love, the damage.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

The Exclusive Moment of Traveling Inside Yourself...

Slumdog Millionaire "Jai Ho" Lyrics-English Translation

From the blog of Inskpill:


Slumdog Millionaire Jai Ho Lyrics & English Translation
JANUARY 01, 2009 . 10:27 AM . #

(Music that makes you scratch your head and think of Baazi Lagaa from Guru, 00:28 seconds to be precise)

Jai Ho! ^n

Aaja aaja jind shamiyaane ke taley

Aaja zari waale neele aasmaane ke taley

Jai Ho! ^ n

Ratti ratti sachchi maine jaan gawayi hai

Nach Nach koylon pe raat bitaayi hai

Ankhiyon ki neend maine phoonkon se udaa di

Gin gin taarey maine ungli jalayi hai

Eh Aaja aaja jind shamiyaane ke taley

Aaja zari waale neele aasmaane ke taley

Baila! Baila!
(Dance! Dance!)

Ahora conmigo, tu baila para hoy
(Now with me, you dance for today)

Por nuestro dia de movidas,
(For our day of moves,)

los problemas los que sean
(whatever problems may be)


Baila! Baila!
(Dance! Dance!)

Jai Ho! ^n

Chakh le, haan chakh le, yeh raat shehed hai

Chakh le, haan rakh le,

Dil hai, dil aakhri hadd hai

Kaala kaala kaajal tera

Koi kaala jaadu hai na?

Aaja aaja jind shamiyaane ke taley

Aaja zari waale neele aasmaane ke taley

Jai Ho! ^ n

Kab se haan kab se jo lab pe ruki hai

Keh de, keh de, haan keh de

Ab aankh jhuki hai

Aisi aisi roshan aankhein

Roshan dono heerey (?) hain kya?

Aaja aaja jind shamiyaane ke taley

Aaja zari waale neele aasmaane ke taley

Jai Ho! ^ n

So this is my good deed of the day. The Rahman/Gulzar/Sukhwinder combination delivers again. Was frankly disappointed with Yuvvraaj lyrics; Tu hi to meri dost hai sounds like Gulzar sahib on an exceptionally bad day. Have bugged all the music shops in Bangalore asking them when the SM soundtrack is coming. Apparently it's being imported via a Mr Godot.

Update: Thanks JpnDude for the Spanish section! Below is a loose English translation that murders the original Hindi. Apologies to Gulzar Sahib. Hope to post a link here when I find a good translation online.

Jai Ho =Something between “Hail” and “Hallelujah”

Come, come my Life, under the canopy

Come under the blue brocade sky!

Iota by iota, I have lost my life, in faith

I’ve passed this night dancing on coals

I blew away the sleep that was in my eyes

I counted the stars till my finger burned

Come, come my Life, under the canopy

Come under the blue brocade sky!

Taste it, taste it, this night is honey

Taste it, and keep it,

It’s a heart; the heart is the final limit

You dark black kohl

It’s some black magic, isn’t it?

Come, come my Life, under the canopy

Come under the blue brocade sky!

For how long, how very long

It’s been on your lips

Say it, now say it

The eye is downcast

Such lit up eyes

Are they two lit-up dimaonds(?) ?

Come, come my Life, under the canopy

Come under the blue brocade sky!

love from Malaysia

"Never let me lose the marvel
of your statue-like eyes, or the accent
the solitary rose of your breath
places on my cheek at night ...

never let me lose what I have gained,
and adorn the branches of your river
with leaves of my estranged Autumn."

♥ Happy Birthday Sweetheart ♥

-August 15, Bilal Malik


Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Lifted Out of Love's Heartbreak

Out of Love, Into Life.........

How Joyous this feeling is! How Wondrous that I feel it! It has not been within me for a long time. I have been asleep, hibernating in doom. And now, I am Risen.

The Rain holds power again! My nose smells scents. I feel things. The ocean is deep, it's blue never-ending. The sky, cream puff of perfection. People, they are not enemies! They are smiles, they are laughter, they are the warmth of connection, the beauty of contact. Water glitters...

As I take a shower in the fragrance of the night, I am reminded of how Limitless and Vast the world is. It is no longer restricted by the claws of past mistakes. For they are not mistakes, but experiences. My heart is lifting out of a cauldron of boiling pain, as a strawberry surfaces out of a chocolate dipping jar. It is dripping off the drops of regret and damage. It is resurfacing, healed from the wounds the arrows of love has made.

The world is Fresh! The world is New!

No desire is too outrageous. No dream is impossible. No future too plagued by the logistics of reality. The old restrains of a lover's ideals and perceptions are no longer My burden. For my eyes are seeing clearly now, and what a magnificent sight they behold.

The curve of a swan's neck. Oh! The seductive power of a female hip! His gaze, His eyes, are not the sole bearers of truth any more. Men are many, each shining in their minute details. How in love I am with All the world, and not any longer a single specimen of it.

I am leaping out of the darkness. I am running towards the bright light of my destiny. A fate that I design, that I am in control of, that I demand to twirl and twist as only I want it to! Be the clouds purple! Be my eyes white! Be the visions of my imagination a truth that even though at present only I see, the entirety of the world shall soon bask in the reality of. Somehow I will Make, Myself. No material thing, no rule of man, shall stop or alter my path.

Gone are the nights of endless tears. Rid am I of every haunting memory.

They fade away to being gentle reminders of a beautiful taste. I may walk amongst man knowing that I have known love. Even if the love I knew was illusory, even if the lover I had was a lie, even if it all is a dark and twisted dysfunctional fairy tale, it can no longer draw me back into it's depths. It is under My command now. I can choose to think or not think of it at will, whereas before this day, before this hour, before this very minute, it chose to appear in my mind at any time it pleased. It frequented my every whim, blinded my every concentration. And now? Now I Fly!

Out of captivity my arms and legs soar over the paralysis I have been in. I draw again! My brushes and pencils touch my easel and I am no longer empty, but full of sights and sounds to create! I may write! I may write again, of the mountains, of the skies, of the people I have known, of the wonders I have seen. I dance! I dance with the passion previously restrained to only one being! I dance now, in worship of the entire universe. I sway my limbs in prayer, in exhaltation, and not surrender.

What activity spurred the onset of this moment? Such a fine hour is thus! Just as the news of my plunder seized my heart as a mouse-trap, just as shockingly does this Release spring me from my prison. I see the past under me, I Feel my present. I Know the infinity of my future. Alive! ALIVE!

Monday, August 17, 2009

on 2012: So we're either all gonna die or get superpowers....err.....


The beginning to a 14 part series on YouTube about what 2012 will be , what the Mayans predicted, and what we should "prepare ourselves for".


great for laughs.

well who knows right?

but uh yea.

The 3 theories thus far are:

1) Everyone will die
2) Everyone will get superpowers

and #3 among us skeptics:

If you don't have time to watch All 14 parts, here is a brief summary: (I didn't watch them yet, this is from ATS (Above Top Secret . com):

"Basically, after a magnetic pole shift, comes the physical pole shift -anywhere from now until 2015. The Maya say that there is this window and that 12-21-2012 is when their calendar ends, but the actually shift can happen at anytime.

The physical shift brings 30 hours of blindness (darkness). He says the Hopi were actually Maya as well and both have been through many pole shifts. The crystal skulls were filled with the memories of each era before a pole shift.

They say many people died during the 30 hours of blindness because they panicked. The Maya say to remain calm and heart centered. Don't try to move around at that time.

What also happens is the consciousness shift during or after the physical pole shift where all our technology is no longer needed because we will now be able to use our body as like 'technology' instead of phones, computers, transportation, etc...

This is just barebones summary. He gives alot of explanation as well.

I'm sure I left something else out. If anyone watching finds something else of importance that I missed in this summary, please post it.

So, like I said, bittersweet - there will be death for many, but whether you keep your physical body, or are reborn into a new one, your consciousness and psychic abilities will be much enhanced."

Saturday, August 08, 2009

Beautiful Sketches and Poetry from Bilal Malik

"I leave to Gavarni, poet of chlorosis,
His prattling troop of consumptive beauties,
For I cannot find among those pale roses
A flower that is like my red ideal ..."

-Bilal Malik

WOW. Thank you! =0))))

"Like an angel wild of eye,
I'll return to where you lie,
And towards you noiseless glide,
Like the shades of eventide.

I'll give you O dusky one,
Kisses icy as the moon,
Embraces that a snake would give
As it crawled around a gave ..."

I'm blushing. =0))) thank you for Seeing me Bilal.

Bilal Malik

I've taken my leave of all that is not quintessential,
Now the travel and the destination are both rolled into one.
And in my veins, instead of blood, run the green waters of oblivion ...
My princess from beyond the clouds, today I know how to adore you.

Liliana Alam

Oh if I could churn a bouquet from what grattitude I feel,
to fashion roses of love,
daffodils, violets and crysanthemums,
Oh if only you could know, how high I fly today,
that your soul extends a hand to mine.

Bilal Malik

If your spirit were to be a kindred to mine
and return its echoes laden with a sweet longing;
my heart would become the touchstone of Love itself
and I shall touch stars with my exalted head.

Liliana Alam

the miracle of life is that we are all From stars, and thus you and I already have atoms of each other's atoms

Bilal Malik

but we were writing some great poetry ... all the verses (except the one tagged to the picture), i have just conceived spontaneously :):):) ... you are an inspiration LOVELIANA

Liliana Alam

as the bee to pollen, as the sun to moon, as the stars to tide, as mother to child, we are all inspirations to each other

An Earnest Discussion of Grand Importance

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An Earnest Discussion of Grand Importance
Between Adam Robert Haas and Liliana Alam

Adam Robert Haas
August 6 at 5:22am
Hi Liliana,

I’m writing you at this juncture because it marks the point at which I have become sufficiently annoyed with myself for procrastinating such that “I” has overridden the influence of “myself’s” mañana-thinking. I (fear not, I’ll spare you any further self-referential wordplay) had been planning to give A New Kind of Science a look-through before messaging you, but fuck it; I’ve been busy, and besides, I’ve never read the beast from head to tail anyway. Have you? In its entirety? If so, you are, without question, a better woman than I.

But enough with the chit chat, let’s get down to business. Since you’re the Wolfram expert, I’ll start by asking you this: Which concept(s) explicated in ANKS contribute(s) most crucially to your overall understanding of the Universe/reality? Please, do explain; explain your heart out if you wish, and rant if you must . . . or, although much lower in entertainment value, a few cogent remarks would also suffice. My study of Wolfram’s book has basically amounted to a holistic survey coupled with my careful study of a few sections particularly relevant to reality theory, which is one of my main intellectual interests. I should explain, I am here using “reality theory” to refer to the broadly encompassing inter-disciplinary field which attempts to describe the nature of reality in logical terms, and in the process, suggest answers to some of the most basic questions possible. One such question is: “How can the existence of the Universe be explained without the use of a description that itself is guilty of begging the question?” That said, do you feel that Wolfram offers up anything close to a truly comprehensive theory of reality? As I recall, he says something like “I believe that the Universe probably evolved from a small and simple network, according to a few simple rules.” What do you interpret that (or whatever he actually says) to mean? Do you think that it verges on suggesting an actual comprehensive model of reality? And it is here that I will stop; just as Rome was not built in a day—imagine what a shithole it would have been if it were—the process of alienating a willing discussant with my hedonistic indulgence in recondite theory is something I prefer not to rush.



Liliana Alam
August 7 at 3:02am

Your fantastic masterpiece of an email has my head spinning at 3 am after clubbing.

I will get back to you expediently with impressive verbitude of equal intelligence as well as my thoughts on Wolfram and his theories.

for now I watch the llamas and squirrels dance in my head.

good night fair sir.


Adam Robert Haas
Today at 12:08am
There's no need to be anal about expediency; I certainly wasn't. ;) Looking forward to the verbitude, though.

- Adam -

Liliana Alam
Today at 1:13am

sub-section to 1 >the following is surely not equal in verbitude. I chose brevity (as close as I could get to it.)

1. No I have not read the book in it's entirety. It is one of my goals for this year.

Which concept(s) explicated in ANKS contribute(s) most crucially to your overall understanding of the Universe/reality?

2. Short answer: the concept that everything is mathematically programmed and pre-determined, even in it's seeming randomness.

“How can the existence of the Universe be explained without the use of a description that itself is guilty of begging the question?”

3. in binary code, or mathematically. Where-in explaining a phenomena in terms of an equation. e.g "why does x equal y?" An equation is not necessarily a statement of a question, more an Observation of an obvious truth, and a proof of that truth is somewhat visible in the very statement. if the "x" was "the universe", and "y" stated all the common laws of physics we currently believe as "fact", then a proof would follow explaining such.

That said, do you feel that Wolfram offers up anything close to a truly comprehensive theory of reality?

4. The closest I've come across thus far. But. If I am going on your verbatim with respect to your syntax, No, I do not feel nor think that Wolfram offers a truly comprehensive theory of Reality. For "Reality" is an obsolete infinite which the human mind Perceives. If you were referring to, what we see around us and the way the current universe, and our small planet kingdom operates, then no I do not think Wolfram has addressed Humans to a fair degree. Though his concepts can be Applied to human behaviour, he has mostly explained the laws of the universe and how they contradict certain previous theories in science. Evolution for example, and random deviation. His Mathematica program clearly goes Against the theory of random deviation, because he attempts to prove-and somewhat successfully, that there Is No Randomness to anything in the cosmos. I am interested to read his future work on how this theory may be applied to humans. THAT would be a more comprehensive theory of reality-at least according to a Human's perspective.

“I believe that the Universe probably evolved from a small and simple network, according to a few simple rules.” What do you interpret that (or whatever he actually says) to mean?

5. That the Universe "evolved" just like a computer program, in precise 1-2-3 steps that could be observed and copied anywhere else and in any other dimension. The dimension part meaning, aside of this current universe. The measure of the scientific method is 1) can you prove it 2) can you Duplicate it. Wolfram is stating that Yes, this current universe Can be analyzed, stripped apart, and "proved", and furthermore, duplicated. Of course he hasn't actually done this yet. But on a small scale with his computer program which took him several years to construct, he did. He programmed in the same laws which govern our current universe, and left "the machine" alone. Then, using those same laws, out of a few very simple structures-resembling plants/tetris, the figure grew exponentially and appeared to grow more and more complex and intricate as time passed. BUT-the governing rules Never Changed. And thus, Wolfram's explanation on how This universe began with a small and simple network. You can compare his theory to the Internet as well. It's beginnings stemming from the mid 70's as a top secret military ops way for computer data to be transferred without the knowledge of other co-operatives to each other. And now, it is what it is. But the governing system of how comp-to-comp transfer Never Changed.

Do you think that it verges on suggesting an actual comprehensive model of reality?

6. Yes

BUT. There are certain "x" factors missing which he left out. Wolfram states in almost interview, that he "believes in God". His equations and theories both suggest this belief and yet entirely contradict it. That he implies the universe is based on a small and simple set of rules does nudge at intelligent design, visa vise a "higher power". But simultaneously it suggests that because this system of rules is so small and simple, it could have easily evolved, On It's Own Inner Rules, By Itself, Entirely, which eliminates the theory that there is a "God". The 2 main "x" factors as I see it are a) whether "God" exists > a-1) if yes, then how to apply this principle into the "small network evolution" theory. a-2) how to prove that "God" exists? and b) whether "Fate" exists > a-1) if yes, is it more prevalent than Chance? a-2) how to apply a correct percentage of each to the theory for the result to be realistic?

Rome was not built in a day

I agree with this statement, but it has always bothered me. Because, though the physical Structure of what we know as Rome was not visible overnight, the outlay and thought process of it Was. Rome Began the very first day a team of architects hired builders to lay the first brick. That very day, Rome began, and even if it was Completed years later, the very moment that the Idea of Rome became physical Reality took a Day. I am not referring to the months, years of planning Before actual construction took place, but the actual "time of conception". People say it takes 9 months to have a baby. I always viewed it as it takes less than a few seconds. During coitus, once a sperm has fought it's way into an egg, beating out all the other million "loser" sperm, the Process has already begun. And That process, took a few seconds. Then again, there are variables such as miscarriages and premature births.

the process of alienating a willing discussant with my hedonistic indulgence in recondite theory is something I prefer not to rush.

Any shared knowledge, opinion, or imagination can never alienate the other. Rather it feeds upon itself, and thru logic, a new solution is reached, a new knowledge, a new opinion, a new imagination.

Hedonistic? Most certainly not. Discussion, in it's purest form, does not involve ego, but the common want of seeking an answer. Your preference not to rush appeases me greatly, for yes, this type of discussion does not depend on Time. It depends on person a/b of the discussion, when A has one solid idea, to put it forth, B, put another forth, and so on. If a simple rebuttal is offered to either, nothing is achieved. There must be some New information, in order to create a New theory stemming out of the dual information of A/B.

I have enjoyed this exchange of idea and feel delighted, adrenalized and anticipate the next flow =0).

(and again-time being of little importance, my reply to you will most likely not come until after August 23 as I will be in Malaysia from tomorrow night until the 23rd and will have infrequent internet access.)




Thursday, August 06, 2009


Yesterday (at appx. 16:30), for no sane logical reason, I voluntarily jumped off a perfectly good airplane at 13,000 feet and flew 120 miles an hour in nothing but air. I even Paid to do this madness....and...........I Loved it. One of the most FUCKING AMAZING FEELINGS/EXPERIENCES EVER. PURE EUPHORIA. WOOOOOOOWWWWW!!!!!

Wednesday, August 05, 2009



Sky-Diving in Santa Barbara!!

This will be me in a few hours:

Monday, August 03, 2009

where are they now....interesting....hmmm...



Page 400

Abbott, Mrs. W. S., 6732 Franklin, 609.
Abraham, Mrs. James G., 1735 Stanley Ave., 609.
Abrahams, Mrs. C. B., 1604 N. Hobart blvd., 609.
Adams, Mrs. Geo. M., 6715 Yucca, 609.
Adams, Mrs. H. N., 7509 Fountain, 558.
Adams, Mrs. Jennie G., 7318 Sunset, 609.
Adams, Mrs. Margaret L., 1647 Sierra Bonita, 609.
Alexander, Mrs. Geo. B., 1337 Vista, 609.
Alexander, Mrs. J. J., 1419 S. Grand Ave., 609.
Allen, Mrs. Chas., 2238 Canon Drive, 609.
Allen, Miss Emily, 6403 Primrose Ave., 139, 609.
Allison, Miss Blanche, 1630 Cherokee, 609.
Allport, Mrs. Edward, 5363 Yucca, 609.
Ambos, Miss Mary Louise, 1326 Orange Drive, 609.
Anderson, Mrs. Alex. G., 1939 Pinehurst Road, 609.
Anderson, Mrs. Wm., 1640 Melbourne Ave., 609.
Anderson, Mrs. Willis C., 7128 Hollywood Blvd., 609.
Andrews, Mrs. C. B., 7223 Franklin, 609.
Andrews, Miss Edith E., 7223 Franklin Ave., 609.
Andrews, Mrs. F. Wolsey, 2005 Beachwood Drive, 609.
Andrews, Miss Grace A., 3156 W. 30th, 609.
Andrews, Mrs. Henry J., 1418 Beachwood Drive, 609.
Andrews, Miss Jessie B., 2223 Franklin Ave., 609.
Arnold, Mrs. H. A., 1734 N. Gardner, 609.
Avery, Mrs. John R., 1314 N. Vine, 609.
Ayres, Mrs. Samuel Jr., 1233 Las Palmas, 609.
Babb, Mrs. Albert, 1649 Gardner, 605.
Badger, Mrs. Lillian, R. F. D. No. 10, Box 890, 609.
Baier, Mrs. Eglantine R., 1009 N. Coronado, 609.
Bailey, Mrs. B. F., 1260 Harper Ave., 609.
Bailey, Mrs. G. E., 1725 Vista, 609.
Baily, Mrs. Arthur, 1432 Alva Vista Blvd., 609.
Bainbridge, Mrs. C. R., 5278 Sunset Blvd., 609.
Baker, Mrs. Ada L., 3106 Dalton Ave., 609.
Baker, Mrs. E. L., 1627 Wilcox, 609.
Baker, Mrs. H. A., 617 S. Hobart, 609.
Baker, Mrs. Maud Davis, 1616 Vine, 609.
Baker, Miss Viorque, 7068 Hollywood Blvd., 609.
Baker, Mrs. W. J., 1627 Poinsettia Pl., 609
Baldridge, Mrs. Joseph C., 1845 Taft Ave., 609
Baldwin, Mrs. Frank W., 1205 La Brea, 609
Baldwin, Mrs. L. H., 6929 Franklin Ave.
Baldwin, Mrs. Pierce, 1740 N. Harvard Blvd, 609.
Ball, Mrs. G. C., 1351 Genesee, 196.
Ballard, Mrs. F. A., 5926 Hollywood Blvd., 609.
Balzar, Mrs. Oscar S., 925 S. Oxford, 609.
Banford, Mrs. Melvin, 6035 Carlos Ave., 609.
Banks, Miss Geraldyn, 1744 N. Wilton Pl., 609.
Banks, Mrs. Llewllyn A., 1744 N. Wilton Pl., 609.
Banks, Mrs. Laura A., 1744 N. Wilton Pl., 609.
Banks, Mrs. W. A., 6927 Franklin Ave.

Another segment of advice from my quest for world domination. hahahahaha. (I'm serious.)

Lesson 1: You can never be too prepared. Success is a well thought out plan executed to perfection.

Lesson 2: Basic weapons training is a must for any being living in this century. Start with understanding an army knife. Eventually, you will learn to use your body as a weapon, but for immediate effect, weapons do the job.

Lesson 3: Evaluate your opponent within the first few seconds of meeting. Disguise your observance with verbal wittitude, smiles, nodding, and direct eye contact. Your objective is to determine a) strengths, b) weaknesses , c) life motive.

Lesson 4: Find a good pair of pants. Personally I prefer army pants, they are weather resistant, never rip, and are still fashionably savvy to walk around in without looking suspicious.

Lesson 5: Hydrate. Sleep. Never underestimate those two.

Lesson 6: A continuation from lesson 2: Do not underestimate your body. You can Kill someone with your pinky.


be my netflix buddy

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


Begbie: Did you bring the cards?
Sick Boy: What?
Begbie: The cards, the last thing I told you was to mind the cards!
Sick Boy: Well, I've not brought them.
Begbie: It's fucking boring after a while without the cards.
Sick Boy: I'm sorry.
Begbie: Bit fucking late, like.
Sick Boy: Why didn't *you* bring them?
Sick Boy: ...Christ.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: I don't feel the sickness yet, but it's in the post. That's for sure. I'm in the junkie limbo at the moment. Too ill to sleep. Too tired to stay awake, but the sickness is on its way. Sweat, chills, nausea. Pain and craving. A need like nothing else I've ever known will soon take hold of me. It's on its way.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Swanney taught us to adore and respect the national health service. For it was the source of much of our gear. We stole drugs. We stole prescriptions or bought them, sold them, swapped them, forged them, photocopied them. Or traded drugs with cancer victims, alcoholics, old-age pensioners, AIDS patients, epileptics, and bored housewives.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Thank you, your honor. With God's help I'll conquer this terrible affliction.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: We would have injected vitamin C if only they had made it illegal!
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: [narrating] I wished that I'd gone down instead of Spud. Here I was surrounded by my family and my so-called mates and I've never felt so alone. Never in all my puff. Since I was on remand, they've had me on this program, this state sponsored addiction. Three sickly sweet doses of methadone a day instead of smack. But it's never enough. And at the moment it's nowhere near enough. I took all three this morning and now I've got eighteen hours to go until my next shot. I've got sweat on my back like a layer of frost. I need to visit the Mother Superior for one hit. One final hit to get us over this long, hard day.
[to Swanney 'Mother Superior']
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: What's on the menu this evening, Sir?
Swanney: Your favorite dish.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Excellent.
Swanney: Your usual table, Sir.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Oh, why thank you.
Swanney: Would Sir care to pay for his bill in advance?
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: No. Stick it on my tab.
Swanney: Ah, regret to inform, sir, credit limit was reached and breached quite some time ago.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Oh, well in that case...
[hands him some cash]
Swanney: Ah, hard currency. Thank you, Sir. Can't be too careful these days. Would Sir care for a starter of some garlic bread perhaps?
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: No, thank you. I will proceed directly to the intravenous injection of hard drugs, please.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: [narrating] Take the best orgasm you've ever had... multiply it by a thousand, and you're still nowhere near it.
Allison: It beats any meat injection. That beats any fucking cock in the world.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: I fantasize about a massive pristine convenience. Brilliant gold taps, virginal white marble, a seat carved from ebony, a cistern full of Chanel no.5, and a flunky handing me pieces of raw silk toilet roll. But under the circumstances I'll settle for anywhere.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: 1,000 years from now there will be no guys and no girls, just wankers. Sounds great to me.
Sick Boy: Say something Mark.
Sick Boy: Fucking say something, huh?
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: I'm cooking up.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Never again, Swanney. I'm off the scag.
Swanney: Are you serious?
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Yeah, no more. I'm finished with that shite.
Swanney: Well, it's up to you, man.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Gonna get it right this time. Gonna get it sorted out. Gonna get off it for good.
Swanney: I've heard that one before.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: The Sick Boy method?
Swanney: Well, it nearly worked for him, hey.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Well, he's always been lacking in moral fiber.
Swanney: He knows a lot about Sean Connery.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: That's hardly a substitute.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: We called him Mother Superior on account of the length of his habit.
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: The downside of coming off junk was I knew I would need to mix with my friends again in a state of full consciousness. It was awful. They reminded me so much of myself, I could hardly bear to look at them.
[first lines]
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: [narrating] Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourselves. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin' else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin?