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Tuesday, April 27, 2010

I'm a "Magic Gathering" Superhero Wahooooo


Jake tipped me off to this site lolololol:

"So the next time you're flipping through the contents of a Lorwyn booster and suddenly feel the jarring sensation of a planeswalker as your rare, take a moment to appreciate the flavor there. It's approximately the same emotion a Lorwyn boggart would feel, seeing the otherworldly Liliana staring back at him.

Liliana Vess

If Jace is teetering on edge of the moral abyss, Liliana is careening into the howling void after taking a swan dive right over the safety railing. Liliana has made some... arrangements, and the cost of those arrangements will be high. Is that fun and cryptic? Cryptic yes, fun no? You're saying I'm basically just restating parts of her bio from the planeswalker minisite, where it mentions she "made a dark deal with ancient, sinister forces"? You're right. Let's get down to brass tacks here.


They were demons.

Liliana made a deal with some demons, and now she's got the bod and vigor of a young woman for a long, long time.

Also, incredible power.

See, the thing about necromancy is, it gets you into creepy circles kind of right off the bat. You deal in dead things and fraternize with creatures from abyssal hell-dimensions. By the time you've spent your life becoming an accomplished necromancer, like Liliana, you've got a Blackberry full of seedy underworld contacts ("underworld" not in the "crime-ridden streets" sense, but in the literal "place where demons live" sense). These unsavory characters are willing to offer you just about anything, as long as you're willing to sign their contract using a regulation bloody quill. (Blood not included. Some assembly required. Note: contract not made from wood pulp—those with allergies to exotic animal dander should seek a pathophysiologist and/or exorcist after signing.)

It's not even clear how long ago Liliana finally took her demonic contacts up on their offer. How many years did her pact undo? Decades. So Liliana has the taut beauty of a young woman, and the craft and experience of an entire lifetime. Rather than face the consequences of age and death, she pushed the reset button.

Thing is, that's only going to bring a different set of consequences. The multiverse has infinite possibilities, yet a free lunch still isn't one of them. Liliana is in the debt of demons, and they aren't known for being forgiving creditors.

She's got plans to deal with them (what, did you think a black mage expected to play fair?), and in the meantime, she's having the time of her life. Liliana gave the Grim Reaper the finger and lived to sneer about it. But still, there's a nagging note of panic behind her thoughts—an edge of doubt about her ability to handle the terms of her contract, threatening to slice through into her conscious mind.

Every demon knows: everybody expects to get away with it."

Monday, April 26, 2010

i am not the wine you drank
and i am not the glass

i am that which has no shape
an effervescent chameleon


this song, which I haven't heard or thought of since I was 12, somehow came into my mind when I was puttering around the other day.

Saw her on a Friday outside some run down saloon
She was cryin over someone she felt left much too soon
I said, hey girl don't you cry tonight
let me take you out on this town
She looked at me and smiled as one last tear splashed off the ground
with half a wink she asked me what was I some kind of creep?
I told her no, I guess I just feel your vibe is kinda deep
the moon hung over Soho
and I counted 16 stars
I pointed at the brightest one and said now that one's ours

She's a dandelion, up on her hill above the sea
she's not exactly everything I thought that she might be

She's a dandelion
she looks like everything I need
I thought she was a flower
but I found out she's a weed

Then I hold on hold on hold on
hold on hold on hold on

I just be poison
but I took he took me to his roof top
He said are you afraid of heights,
I said no I am not
He said hey girl don't you lie to me, tell me everything you feel
we danced around in circles,
He said "hey I think we found something real"

She's a dandelion, up on her cliff above the sea
she's not exactly everything I thought that she might be

she's a dandelion
she looks like everything I need
I thought she was a flower
but I found out she's a weed

Then I hold on hold on hold on
hold on hold on hold on

Down in union square
I saw her walking all alone
I walked a little slower just so I'd remain unknown
she met someone on seventeenth and she knew him all too well
my little piece of heaven has a secret she won't tell
with half a smile she took his hand
and then they walked away
I realized I would not see my girl after today

I fell in love with a dandelion
and she's all I ever had
at first she looked so sweet
but in the end she tastes so bad
She's a dandelion, up on her cliff above the sea
she's not exactly everything I thought that she might be

she's a dandelion
she looks like everything I need
I thought she was a flower
but I found out she's a weed

Then I hold on hold on hold on
hold on hold on hold on
And I tell myself
hold on hold on hold on
hold on hold on hold on
yeah hold on
She's a dandelion, up on her cliff above the sea
she's not exactly everything I thought that she might be

She's a dandelion
she looks like everything I need
I thought she was a flower
but I found out she's a weed

Then I hold on hold on hold on
hold on hold on hold on

for a pop tune by a pop "band" it's actually pretty dark which I guess is why I always liked it and was impressed that LFO-typical boy band could have come up with something deep enough to be meaningful and multi-layered. I have no idea why I thought of that song or why it popped into my head.

on another note, every time I lose all belief in cosmic energy and overall "destiny" some weird chaos theory type thing happens to me that is just Way too well-timed and trippy for it to be a coincidence.

and I still have that sense within myself that never disappears, knowing when the phone will ring, knowing who will be on the line, knowing that if I turn left...this type of scenery will be there, knowing if I go right, knowing when it will rain several days before it does, etc. etc. I mean I wouldn't call myself clairvoyant because this knowledge isn't Absolute, it's not a "I know 100% what's going to happen and I Know I cannot be wrong", but it's more of a prediction/premonition type feeling that almost always is right. And the times when it's not right, it ends up being a correct premonition, but on the wrong day, or wrong hour type thing.

what this energy is, how it circulates and what I am to do with it remains a mystery.

All I know is it's There.

"the Force is strong in this one" MUWWHAHAHAHAHA. lol.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

ARRGGGGH dammit stupid net cutting off k will have to postpone pic upload

back on the road again........

part 1 of the image overload

haven't posted this much in a while, so might as well take advantage of this free wifi hotspot I found

gonna try to upload all NYC, Hwood and Euro pix

to start, I love Gian's latest shoot:



"There Is No Spoon!"

The Worst Enemy

there is a darkness bubbling
boiling in my veins
there is a madness devouring
everything I've gained

this psychosis has lost me everything
there is no-one and nothing left
I have burned the bridges to my family
my soulmate, my best friends

I wander as a nomad
a leaf from one post to the next
you might see me shining in the sunlight
something once of promise, something brilliant


I have shot a bullet into all of my dreams
I have stood in silence as they fell, bleeding
I have witnessed the crash of everything, stared my demise in the eye
what I have done is irreversible, what I am left with is an end

it is not a drug addiction
not a stain that is easily seen
it is not a conscious thought
just something always in me

if only everyone I love
could know that I love them
I must kill off this sickness
before it kills off me

Friday, April 23, 2010

p i n k

I am a quiet pink rose
will you find the white in me amongst the leaves of green?
will you take me on a waltz
will we dance together with our dreams?
am I the only dreamy romantic, am I the only one who looks up at the stars?

run away with me
please come run away with me
let's go Now! right this second before we are ruined further
let's be you and I in a log cabin somewhere in the woods
let's drink the blood of nature in the waterfall up north

I want nothing anymore
I am a ghost
everything that I have been and that I was is lost

there is no action to my belief
for my beliefs are gone
I float as the whispy wind
I whistle thru the trees
there is no desire left in me

only this feeling that somewhere the trees are green

you have to pull me out of this rut
you need to free me from my chains
leave all this behind and let you and me reign

I beg you, please believe me
please do not lose faith in the twinkling night

come run away with me
come find me

I am the pink rose


Narrator: Vicky and Cristina decided to spend the summer in Barcelona. Vicky was completing her master's in Catalan Identity, which she had become interested in through her great affection for the architecture of Gaudí. Cristina, who spent the last six months writing, directing, and acting in a 12-minute film which she then hated, had just broken up with yet another boyfriend and longed for a change of scenery. Everything fell into place when a distant relative of Vicky's family who lived in Barcelona offered to put both girls up for July and August. The two best friends had been close since college and shared the same tastes and opinions on most matters, yet when it came to the subject of love, it would be hard to find two more dissimilar viewpoints. Vicky had no tolerance for pain and no lust for combat. She was grounded and realistic. Her requirements in a man were seriousness and stability. She had become engaged to Doug because he was decent and successful and understood the beauty of commitment.

Vicky: [while talking on her cellphone to Doug] Yeah, I miss you, too.

Narrator: Cristina, on the other hand, expected something very different out of love. She had reluctantly accepted suffering as an inevitable component of deep passion, and was resigned to putting her feelings at risk. If you asked her what it was she was gambling her emotions on to win, she would not have been able to say. She knew what she didn't want, however, and that was exactly what Vicky valued above all else.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Quantum Jumping into a Day Like Rain

"there are parallel dimensions, within alternate realities, in which every possibility of probabilities and every infinite version of your self has already lived."

"the tender words we said to one another are stored in the secret heart of heaven, one day like rain, they will fall and spread, and our mystery will grow green over the world..."

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

The Artisan

I am the unloved
I am the unworthy
I am ugly and sullen
I am the brittle leaf on the ground forgotten

I cannot make you kiss my cheek
I cannot make you see me as holy
I cannot be anything more than what I am
I cannot make you love me

I am down here in the docks
I scream as the footsteps crush me down
I yearn for the caress of understanding
I am the faded dream
I am the delusion
I am the pathetic poet singing rhymes of peace in an empty room
I am putrid but my fumes are hope
I will forevermore be giving love whilst I am ignored

I have no other way than being here
I have no where to disappear
I am that piece of dirt you flicked off your shoe

See me dance somewhere down the black river

Sunday, April 18, 2010


There was once an artist sometime in the 17th century who created two sculptures. They were completely identical to each other except for the material which he used to sculpt them. He purposely did this to represent the deeper meaning of what the titles of these sculptures were. One he made from marble, the other from clay. Only one of his sculptures still remains today, the other cracked apart and decayed. The marble one is on display in some national historical museum, it was the one called "Hope". The other one was called "Dream" (not in the I Dream at night type of dream, but the Dream/s/Vision/s people have for their lives).

This is a significant cornerstone of the whole Perestroyka era after the fall of Communist Russia in which the best of our country was demolished. And it also applies universally across the board about life.

:Dreams can be crushed, faded, and die.
but Hope is Eternal, Timeless and can never be destroyed.

I learned this from an awesome exclusively all Russian, all-the-time channel that broadcasts 24/7/365 from NYC.


Yesterday I walked 30 miles. 15 miles from start to the end of the trail, and back.
My legs felt like oak trees, my butt felt like steel and my entire body felt like it was going to collapse. The only thing that kept me going was the belief that I would come to the end/finish line, eventually, and to hold out until I did.

"you don't quit when You want to quit, you quit when the guerilla quits." A battle tactic from an old Military handbook.


....people react and respond to you according to whatever "mask" you are wearing.
but what if you're wearing the wrong mask in front of the wrong people?
what if someone who sees you as tough really needs to see you as innocent in order to be closer to you? what if someone who sees you as weak just needs to catch a glimpse of your strength?
how do you ever know who really is close to you or who knows you, when all what others see is whatever reflection you're putting on.....
has anyone ever seen the real you? ever?
how do you know if they have?

a friend last year told me that in general, people hardly ever know what others truly think or feel about them. because the majority of what we feel and think is inexpressable and highly complex. it rarely can be measured in words, images or even emotions. the majority of what we think and feel about people we either keep to ourselves or we tell to everyone but those people. someone may love you infinitely and think you're the world but you'll never ever know it. how ironic! this is part of the self-defense mechanism necessary for survival....but sometimes it backfires. if only life had a constant 1st person narrative like in films, where you are given the gift of omnipotence and are able to see what everyone is thinking and feeling, all which is expressable and all which isn't.

If only the internal could be written on your skin without you forcing it or having to be obvious...If only the people that you want to see the real you could truly see the real you ...

that's the evanescent and fading dream....

but there's always Hope

Friday, April 16, 2010

here and there

Rome and the Colosseum Foot! With Mr.D's clever pedometer invention....

my favorite river street in my favourite city in the world...the Sienne in Paris!
I bought a painting here of a rainy Paris from an amazing local artist and it was the best depiction of France I've ever seen

NYC....Gian... Subway and Coney Island

here are some funny pics he ran across. Not saying I advocate their messages, but, they're Funny!!!

G's Princeton Alumni gathering/reunion thingy is in NJ in a few months...wondering if I will go....might be interesting to discuss string theory with some fellow math nerds

this fall is packed with weddings... why all my friends have decided to get married at the same time I have no idea. It's irrational but I'm feeling like I'm basically the only unmarried person on the planet. Practically everyone I know is either married, with kids, engaged, etc. What's the hurry? geeessssshhhh. What's meant to happen will happen..........> eventually!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Hope it Gives You Hell


what is it?

who knows.

all I can say is that I've "lived in accordance with the truths that came from my inner self"-"Demian"-Herman Hesse, always, and that will remain true to my grave. (unless I discover or come across an elixer for immortality).

right now.....I feel like giving a giant middle finger / HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

to every person that's ever doubted me, underestimated me, miscalculated me, betrayed me, deserted me, abandoned me, and/or lied to me. I feel like the All American Rejects song "Gives You Hell". Also that old Michelle Branch song "Are You Happy Now?". I walk with my head held high and I dare anyone to look in my eyes. All that is there is Me. I truly hope that gives hell to anyone who didn't have faith in me. May all the dreamers out there stay true to the fight, No Matter What.

and to all the people who have stood by my side thru every hellish black hole and danced with me in the rainbows, I have the deepest grattitude and inexpressible humility.

The older I get, the truth of my life sticks beside me, and the garbage floats away like dead flies. I didn't used to think things could be so black and white, but sometimes they are. People, situations, circumstances, the real things stay real and the fantasies reveal themselves to be falsehoods.

it's bitter. it's sweet.

it's life.

what can I say

Friday, April 09, 2010


Attack of the Lilianas lol

some cool morphs:

Me + Megan Fox + Laetitia Casta

Me + Megan Fox + Angelina Jolie

Me + Salma Hayek + Kate Moss + Penelope Cruz

Me + Claire Forlani + Christina Aguilera

Me + Monica Bellucci + Elisha Cuthbert + Laetitia Casta

Me + Aishwarya Rai + Angelina Jolie + Jessica Alba

Me + Kristen Kreuk + Carmen Electra + Vivien Leigh

Me + Estella Warren + Laetitia Casta

Me + Jessica Alba + Natalie Portman

Me + Cindy Crawford + Jessica Simpson

Me + Keira Knightley + Adriana Lima

Me + Marilyn Monroe + Gwen Stefani

Me + Tyra Banks + Liya Kebede

Me + Beyonce + Milla Jovovich