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Monday, April 13, 2009

Top 5 Things That Piss Me Off Living in Hollywood

1. Anorexically Skinny emo musician dudes


: wearing even skinnier tight black jeans, with a long bang of black hair across their right or left eye, murking around listening to wa-wa whiny music, skull & crossbones tattoo on their wrists, probably freakin 17 yr. old trust fund babies. YEA. GO HOME AND WHINE TO MOMMY AND DADDY ABOUT HOW "HARD" LIFE IS. AAGGGGHHH!!!! Get some originality jeezus. And please, please, please, get off Hollywood Blvd. You really ruin it for me.

2. Little dogs.


: People who HAVE and insist upon Walking their Little dogs. Especially up Runyan Canyon-where they run in front of me and I am forced to either hop over them or glare at their owners while I have to pause my run. GET YOUR FUCKING DOG AND YOUR NOISY KIDS OUT OF MY WAY. GO MOVE TO THE SUBURBS. Ok, like my magical friend Dynamic said, "If the shit of the thing is bigger than half the size of the dog, IT AINT A DOG." GRRR. I cannot get over the stupidity of the little dog syndrome in LA. Ok so Paris Hilton gets a chihuahua and now all of you suddenly think it's "cool" to walk around a piece of fur that looks like a damn pigeon? Seriously. I'm so close to murdering one of these "dogs", I mean I could just step on the damn thing.

3. The Traffic.


: And more importantly, the way people drive here. Are you all trying to get killed?!!! Life is so shitty and your dreams are pissing away whilst you work as a waitor in some depressing joint as cougars stare at your ass, and so because of that you insist upon NOT SIGNALLING and just running red lights in an attempt to kill yourself?!!! SAVE US ALL THE TROUBLE. This is America. You can buy a gun at Harry's for like 30 bucks. Go buy one, and shoot yourself in the head. If I see you on the road again I'll do it myself.


4. Models who are thinner than my eyelashes.


: I have seen far too many of you at castings. Please, PLEASE. I am begging you, eat a sandwich. At least a piece of cheese. Every runway gig I've been to this year, the majority of you have no ass. It's gettin' really old staring at your bones whilst waiting backstage to go on. So please, EAT. I don't care if your agent told you that looking like a clotheshanger is hot. I'm telling you , as a professional, paid, agency represented Model, it's NOT!!!!!!!!!


5. Everyone here is in the business.



: Actors, Musicians, Museos, Models, Comedians, Clowns, all of you's. When I'm not working-which granted, is rare-but sometimes I am free, I would just like to meet some simple, down-to-earth, positive people, who are not celebrity obsessed, don't always talk about how much money they are making, how awsum they are, what project/gig/whatever bla ablablabalbalbal they are up to whilst looking down on other "civillians" in their mock designer sunglasses. See #2 in my Top 5 of things I Love about living in Hollywood too though.