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Monday, February 09, 2009

Live Your Life

I am really amazed and hurt by the lack of support i am getting from my family, and from people in general. Everyone has their own issues. Nobody fucking gets that I am here, on a mission, to fucking change the world. And I have ZERO support from them. No understanding or consideration, only blame and accusations, insults and judgement.

It is pretty lonely at the top.

Because people are jealous. they are jealous and they are mean.

And I think, I feel, I have, and am sacrificing everything, for Hollywood. For my goals.

For my dreams. and it doesn't HAVE to be this way, but that is what everyone is making it out to be. Because I simply do not have time to keep my sanity, and be able to call and text and do all these things for all of these people.

I am rising so fast, so crazy fast, in such a short amount of time, and already have been involved in Amazing things, thanks to the help of some truly incredible people. And I am grateful and blessed. Looking forward to rising higher and higher. At have accomplished everything I offense but it's unheard of. And that's not arrogance. That's full awareness of who and what I am.

But to the rest of you,

I am thinking of just cutting off people, period. This is the reason with family.

I mean I felt so deep, wanted to connect, wanted to share, want to talk about all the amazing things that I've been involved in, that I've achieved, and none of them are there to listen to me, to support me. Wanted to truly Give, whatever I've been getting. To share and radiate and live in the light with others. But instead of being able to ride along WITH me, when I am successful, people either want something from me, they are mad at me for not spending enough time on them, they get mad at me, or they are jealous.

I have nobody.

When I need it, nobody is there. When THEY need it, and I simply CANNOT be there, then I get accused and blamed. and all of a sudden I'm a monster. But when I do something great, then all the assholes worship me. I'm sick of it.
Honestly. its really fucked up.

helms too, that is fucked up. I have chosen this existence for myself, so who am I to bitch about anything. I chose it. It's Shocking the lack of understanding and consideration there is in people. I am seeing....very quickly...who is full of shit and who is real. And there are very few who are real. Most ACT like they are gold, and are really piss poor copper.

just in general, the overall feeling, having been so incredibly successful in such a short amount of time, rising faster than anyone around here, and most in the industry, instead of experiencing praise and great joy , all I've been met with is more people, wanting more out of me, just sucking all my juices out of me, without any decency or understanding of what I am going thru.

it is like...the more successful I become, the further away from people I get. You'd think people would want to be around the light, around the positivity which I have surrounded my professional life with. But no, instead, the more success I get, the more doubt, cynicism, jealousy and hatred I get from people. People who I am discovering very quickly are totally FAKE. People that have claimed to be Friends, family even, and when I need them the most, in this crucial part of my life, nobody is there. I have been there for EVERYBODY. Supporting people, giving them advice, giving away game to help Them in Their careers, and now when I'm the one who is rising, all of a sudden I'm the selfish bad guy. It's almost like people EXPECT and WANT me to fail. and when I continually don't, and keep succeeding, they just are frothing at the mouth waiting to bring me down.

Well I won't fall down and I'm unbreakable. Whatever the hell all you throw at me, I'll keep rising. and when I get an oscar, and when I get to where I aim to go, you will all see.


I am grateful to all the ones that have helped, and the ones that continually helped. And there are many of you. For one thing, the main part, Helms and my Parents. HELMS: Without YOU, I Would Be NOTHING. YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU all YOU Are and YOUR LOVE, is what is my STRENGTH AND ROCK. That will NEVER change. You are my SOUL, and whatever happens, you will ALWAYS be in my life, in whatever way, shape or form, whether romantic or friendship. can I possibly even begin to THANK YOU???!!! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE YOU. And To my Parents: I LOVE YOU. You are both....INCREDIBLE. I have the BEST parents in the world. Whatever we've been thru, that is the PAST. All we can change is the NOW, and the FUTURE. Regardless of the drama, I KNOW you did your VERY BEST for me, and you've done everything you possibly could. Don't think that I'm not grateful. I AM. It's just....wish there was some understanding and consideration from your end, instead of blaming me for not doing this and that. I'm doing my best. Thank you to all the professional people I have met who are helping me. Many truly great, truly Good people, who are powerful in business and this industry, but still have not become assholes in the process, and are bestowing their kindness upon me. I know it is because I have shown I am dedicated, here to stay, work my butt off, and want it more than anyone else. I've prepared, I keep working at it, and it is all happening. THANK YOU. You will not regret it. This is more just a vent and frustration about how hater people have been acting towards me. Stop with your demands. I don't have a million Liliana's that can go around and there are just too many of you , wanting too many things from me. just stop. I'm doing my best.

Peace out.

And remember to listen to that song by T.I and Rihanna. Listen to T.I's rap, because that is how I feel about many of You.

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