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Wednesday, August 09, 2006

i will only eat the earth

i lie
to surface
of water, earth and sky
am immortal
in energy
without skin or eyes
my soul
is in every
urge of a wave
in the bubble of rain
we will never die
we will never live
we are parallel
and as mathematics defines it
we will never intersect
with any other force
than ourselves
and the energy that is us
a line
holds eternity
then why love?
love is parallel
we are parallel
but not
in one line

is it power
to trust a suspicion
the precaution
to look before a step,
shall it prevent an accident
or waste my minute
which i have worked so hard to savour?
i died by not listening
and lived knowing
i don’t have a choice
but to feel
and it is beyond instinct
it cannot be explained
in any word
there are roses and rewards
a fatality
not mentioning your name
because of a lost minute
and an angry boss waiting as you
arrive late
is that what i am?
late? have i missed being on time
what a wonder
it would be
as the last breath
to know
you are early


you cannot protect me
a fetus must
learn to breathe
without a womb
i will cry
and suffer
and you can only watch
this is your agony

ja dead

The numbness in 3 fingers callouses from masterpieces on a guitar alive in your eyes no poke or shudder nor erotica will alter that steady gaze behind a wall you can sense it but not climb once you strum on the first string no second or third or fourth no countless other will ever feel the same

sex, fucking. and love

does none
but alter an opinion
for although
the action
of hips
and legs
and mouth
is one and the same
my memory has given life to phrase

what distinguishes
from the other
is a matter
no other
than thought

there are more
than us
in everything
what’s in a shadow
is it really as simple
as we have explained it?
what a pity.
are our minds
in our possession
even though
we only manage a
small percentage
who beside us
are visitors
or livers in our bodies
what escapes
from light
and returns at night
what dream
sees what we have remembered
and not what we have seen
what a thing
more magnanimous has
what color
do our eyes perceive
out of dimensions
we still do not feel
what do we feel
is it really the full
or a piece
we are too arrogant
if we believe
it is only us

what a shock it was
to be startled to dropping my spoon
into splashes of milk
upon hearing good morning
a wrinkly old man
in boxers.
this was our “proper,
introduction” to each other.
as i was casually eating
my cereal.

i was informed.
not politely explained. but informed
later on that day
that this
bothersome creature
who had disturbed my serene view of
one car in the parking lot beside our brownstone,
was our new houseguest.
and my mother’s new lover

informed mind you,
after 3 months
of what i thought
was divorce.
from MY father.

the wrinkly creature
never grew to fancy me much through the arguments
i got into with my mother.

eventually the creature and i made truce.
and i learned to tolerate,
and respect him.


boxers at 7 AM on anyone,
still scare me.


my work
is not mine
until it
is appreciated
by them
this is my insecurity
and their strength
it is not mine
it is not me
if it is
not recognizable
or respected
how can i introduce
my child ; my work
if my child
is still

i could die
right now.
step into a street,
of movement
would such an action
be the
control i have
over destiny,
or will this
simply be
an already
predicted event,
to occur in space?

is anything
i have the
capability to do
a change?
or is every new step
of what i think is new,
really old?
and am i taking a path
that has
been traveled,
by a force
more visionary,
than me
and what
can i control
and is this
just a fate,
designated to confuse,
to push me into fear
of ever
the .........

i despise
lack of solution
why must
the greatest matter
of life
be that which cannot be solved?
although logic can be boring
simple algaebraic movements
are fulfilling
when properly finished
a mystery
of such proportions
as love
annoys me
i cannot grasp
it with a calculation
or freeze it
what is there to study
if so many forms
begin every second
and if every
is an anomaly
of the next
is that a pattern?
not one i can resolve
why must such
a satisfying moment
be only preserved in memory
i may frame
an award
or clip an article
to a common room
but love.
love seems a solution in itself
then my new question
also cannot
be saved
in a camera
if love cannot be solved
and has no solution
if love is a solute
then what
was the problem
to provoke
a confusing


on your skin
in puddles
shake with
your rigid
fast breaths
absorbing me
in my waterfalls
and stopping
as my tongue
on your river
of strength
all my walls
i do not
it is simplicity
to one
and only one
and we
become the other
i find
your softness
no one else knows
for us
and together
in me
i open
the closests
and cover with silk
of you
so full
of everything
my hunger
has disappeared
from the pools
we created
on our bodies
embrace the sound
of us
in the trickles
down our foreheads
we discovered
a new ocean

i know i miss you
when i look at a photograph framing your silouette
i’ll purposely look away from you
and try to remember the little crap in the moment of your capture
the stapler on your desk
the tiny crinkles on the sheets
the view outside
every damn splotch on the carpet
all of them memories
all of them moments
so i’ll try to attach myself to them
and not you
beg my body to crave every little thing surrounding you
to yearn for the feel of the heater we hated that never would heat
desire the kiss of your pillow
but i don’t
and i can’t
they’re all just things
even with their emotional episodes
they’re not even commercials on tv
the big blue bright lamp with the burnt lightbulb
the beautiful sunset outside your white glass window
they’re all ok
they’re alright at best
but i know i miss you
i hear the sonnet of love
when i seep my soul into your eyes
outline the trace of your body with my memory
and feel my body begin to decompose without you
i don’t need a book
or a movie
or some quote outlining the door in one of those herbal holistic shops
to try to explain to me how it feels to miss someone
to love
a powerful writer or artist illustrating such loss
could never be dismissed, but
i don’t need any of such artistry
no big words
no eloquent descriptions
just a photograph of you
surrounded by the world

seeker of truth

of that
you know
do not
what you want
so search
in the water
from which
you were
into a light
that you escape
never understanding
that it is
that you need
trying to
find the answers
in drops
of rain
in evaporation
you will
that you gained
on a road
a thousand times
while your feet
with their soles
escape from
intimate journeys
that you know
must be taken
seeker of all that
you cannot contol
live to live
at times
when you don’t know
what your eyes see
as you are
every morning
never ending
under the night
with the
bitter reality
of truth
sometimes is not
that what you find
may not be
for the
and seeker?
I know

judgement is
a presumptuous thing
not for
the sake of morality
but because
if we have only
seen 1000 angles
of life
10 000 may be
lacking or gaining
how many books
can a human read
and even
can centuries
of knowledge
know the
how do we
know anything
and how can
we judge
and do we?
we do.

I have been
so devoid of emotion
and all i could paint
was death
but not a cruel or particularly
happy one
just an element
a gratifying one, but lacking
your hands
have clasped my breasts
smoothed over my calloused lips
I feel everything
rain onto my
aching body so much
just to be touched
to be forced
and clamped
held down
and lifted up
with strength surrounding my waist
to feel something
between my thighs
other than my pillow
who has been a faithful lover for many nights now
your warmth
has changed
the world for me
not in love
love cannot give as lust can
lust is finality
and never demands anything
other than what it has given
I am not ready to give yet
this is
exactly what i needed
to make ME feel again


I will only eat the earth:
ripe pomegranate in her youthful state,
grapes of wine,
decisions my mouth will make!
I will only eat the earth:
pizza. and greasy sauce.
has fried
irresistible hunger pang cravings in me
pepperoni. Just pepperoni and no “dressing” on my nude salad
my body
is the body
of every pepper
every fruit consumed
I will only eat the earth:
give me no mass produced
sugar coated cookie,
“crisp chip” commercials
shall have no power over my morning
let me play my music:
sing with ferny trees,
guitar made of wood and a heart
save green rectangles in your wallet
for a beggar on the street.
I will only eat the earth:
not on a couch
or a poshe chair
it is BRANCH:
what is pretty through man has lost all its pretties
grass strands tugged by these fingers,
hollow log holding me
I will only eat the earth!
love my dirty
use me !
betray me !
but be raw
honest. in your intent.
I will only eat the earth
so be a tree
be an orange.
don’t be political
and don’t manipulate when i can do too.
be a berry.
i will NEVER eat silicone

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