EnTeRtAiN
it takes talent
to captivate
and occupy the attention
of an audience
i know from being a performer
that i am not
a performer.
i sing and dance and play and do
for myself.
and i do not have the skill to always please.
it takes talent
to know
what an audience wants.
and not just what YOU want to do.
to perform
is not
a dismissal of energy
in effort.
regardless of quality,
it is talent
to stay up
through jeers
and praise.
it is talent
to feel something
other than yourself
on a stage.
so even if
i may hold a nepotism
for the opera,
Broadway, or rock,
in comparison to a pop star,
this is no way
excludes the shine of talent
in
ANY
entertainer
IT can lurk
beneath the
BRIGHTEST wave
creep over
the TOUGHEST board
IT can visit
on a smiling face
shine through
summer’s day
be you cantankerous or
virtuous
adjectives are not IT’s concern
IT has no
respect for formalities
IT will masticate water
with a knife
IT knows not of
integrity
or what time we think is right
IT has purpose
our sun cannot compete against
for there are never cloudy days
And IT never relaxes
IT will glance
At a small child
And a white-haired head with the same eye
IT never sleeps
and IT never cries
IT never dreams
and IT never LIES
IT is not a student
yet IT does not claim to teach
IT has no need for education
and a genius IT is
IT has mastered
skills beyond our reach
I hope
Mother Earth can prove me wrong!
alas for now
t h e r e w I l l n e v e r b e
a m a n w e ’ l l s e e
w h o s u c c e e d s
f u r t h e r t h a n d e a t h ’ s d e g r e e
i am such
a hypocrite
lecturing everyone
on fairy tales
and dreams
in the books
i read as a child
which i still read now
oh joyful glorious saturday
wtih a crunchy Gala apple
and Hesse’s pages in my hands
give me sci-fi
or any such book
with imaginative
creative
nonsense
that i may choose to believe
and then
again
i am off on tangeant
yes.
i read before
i read now
and where has all
my scheming gotten me?
all my hopes
told to a drunk
about to kill himself
and i am just
another stupid
make-believe cinderella
still sitting in a modern chair in a rented apartment
staring at a
very realistic
very scary
bill
venerial
i’m horny
why?
ask a chemist
or neurologist
oh whatever
whoever
they’ll give you an explanation
yes.
so i’m horny.
and i need a fuck
fucking fuck fuck
hmm.
where to look
body body body body body body body body body body
body body body
body
dammit.
now I’m fucked
fuck.
An Artist’s Work
my tears
erase the
expensive makeup
i bought today at the drugstore
with the lady
who suggested
copper tones,
would compliment my hair
“naturally”.
what will i paint on
my face
fashion the face!
clothe it!
garments sparkle
at every chance.
wipe away
what i have,
to match
the perfect picture in my mind.
the colors,
are mine to mold
there is no
white
or black
i
am a mix of everything.
if MY nose,
then i will make it NOT.
the lips
that reflect off the mirror
do not please my desire
for a pout.
i have to get ready
for something
i know it is coming
i know they care
but they don’t see:
if i don’t like,
i will change;
myself
to please,..
ME?
and i will keep doing
until the world
realizes
that i
am just
a piece
of
Clay
I am the lucky one
for should I walk
an ant
i may kill
hating myself for it
but with shoes
the same
i will kick
dirt in disdain
some seeds from this action
will gallop and scatter around
starting new life
Oh I am the lucky one
for should some insignificant imbecile
shout obscenities at me
my head will heat
and boil
stirring the stew
of thoughts i possess
and a composition
of words shall emerge
to which of course
i shall my piano to work
for labor is tedious without emotion
Oh I am the lucky one
tall enough
to stop a nit-pickety brawl
between two friends
that have forgot it all
Oh I am the lucky one
for should the rain
urinate on me
salsa in my blood
will make my feet sing
spinning and twirling
amidst a storm
splashing away
in a frenzy of fun
Oh I am the lucky one
for should
they lock me up
in chains
glaring out
through bars
I will still be sane
for I have my soul
and I have my heart
and never forget
I am the lucky one
i don’t want to spoil a friendship
with a kiss.
it will infest us
as a virus
and in a second,
ruin the trust
which we have had for years.
we will lose communication
in misunderstandings.
and our arguments will not be solved with logic,
but with tongues and sweat.
i fantasize of the body
that i have not seen yet.
but i have grabbed you for comfort
when a shirt
covered your heart.
we have saved each other’s grief
from resulting in misery,
without the touch of a man and a woman,
but the touch of two comrades.
you have held me in my loneliest nights,
but
as an animal would
offer affection to a person.
i will not
reduce
you
to
simply being beauty
of an opposite sex.
we have looked in each other’s eyes
for hours.
and searched for truth.
not physical gratifications.
you may be all that you are
and i may be all that i am,
but it will amount to nothing,
because we are stronger than romance.
we are
friends.
holly wood.
what IS funny
is how quickly
“pretty”
becomes imprinted
in a viewer’s mind.
how
in a church
i have heard
unearthly power in voices
and know
of guitars that have sung symphonies.
but if one is not
properly dosed
with holly wood. gLiTz,
one will not even be given a chance
to show the world
what
value lies
in a human soul
beneath makeup
and
fake breasts
outside the thick unpenetrable glass
lay the ocean
as a human’s skin, perfected in a painting or photograph
but creased and weathered in reality
it stretched endlessly and seemed as still as a rock
the slight rises and dents in its dark blue surface solid and unchanging
like a cake’s top layer before the icing is added
cracked and enourmously appealing to both tongue and mind
so i watched from the airplane
the captain on the loudspeaker blaring into my ears
informing all us passengers of the current climate and altitude conditions
there should be a button on the airplane chairs for “shut up”, right next to the one which calls for a stewardess, across from the lightbulb
when the pretty lady came around to pass drinks
her freshness was both a relief and a burden
should one acknowledge her kind smile and wide eyes?
or ignore her like the rest of the gray and boring flight
it really doesn’t matter
because she’ll still walk up and down the damn isle saying
“some juice?” with a gaiety in her walk
regardless of what anyone says or thinks
i guess thats life
a poet
at a loss for words
at a time
when words are daggers
defenseless
against the destructions
at a shieldless ego
attempting to regain
some sense of pride
but in a moment
all can be lost
as in the eyes
of affection
should one
confess
to a flaming love
with no more thought
than a cliché?
Then what is thought
If not the product
Of the effect words make
30 minutes for lunch
conversation
philosophies and such
theatrical dramas
nouns, adjectives, and EXTRA EXTRA!
muchmuchmuch!
you become my predictive verb
poetry in my mind
and Not the kind
I prefer to write
steadfast stare in your eyes
and sickeningly
all I can think of is how they shine
you seem occupied
in contemplative matters
even though we both know
this is just a game of “let’s pretend”
breath starts trotting
a bit too fast
and in all my womanhood
I truly see you as a man
tension of muscle
sweatbead on a firm lip
collapsing and contracting as you
attempt to feign interest in our discussion
at which point
I nod with enthusiasm
hoping for one more glimpse
of your skin through the tight shirt you are in
knowing what I
am replying to
lips
eyes
chest
sighs
and you
so innocent a smile
thinking
you have
taken over my mind
well in a way
your victory is an honest one
but the game meatloaf has just begun
for as you escalate to draw me in
I led my soda straw slide over my tongue
unbutton the first set of my blouse
as if saturated by warmth
pull my chair a little closer to yours
and in my mind
a phrase this whole time
as writing is life and not an occupation
A woman
A man
30 minutes for lunch.
growing up
in many different environments, states, countries, and cities
i learned that agony
is the most respected of human emotions.
even if a child
is born
without choice of household or name,
one who is rich
and has had to work for success,
will never be as respected,
as one who is poor
and has had to work for the same success.
i was born in another country,
my parents
came to America with $700
we lived in a small apartment and were 4 people including my great-grand-mother
my mother did not know a word of English.
my father was a double pHD who was forced to work as a post-doc
now they have houses
and apartments
cars
and an ample spending amount
on platinum visas.
my mother is a successful physician
my father is a full professor
and will any day be a household name in science
they
had to work hard. they have been in agony
and i
have had to work hard. and i have been in agony.
but until
i come to America
with $700
i will never be respected.
because agony
is respected
and empathized with
more
than happiness.
subconsciously
i have always known this.
perhaps that is why
i have seeked dysfunctionality
so i could be acknowledged as an overcomer
of obstacles.
i gave it all up.
i was close to my parents
even in divorce!
but i refused happiness,
because i was miserable with the assumptions
people make of happy people.
so i became miserable
i have been to the depths
i have screwed my GPA.
but have developed an overly qualified resume
of trauma.
i have stories that gore is too kind a word for
i have almost been sexually abused
but defended myself
with fight
that i had to learn
after being beat up in fights
with kids my age who had already gone through agony
but i earned my agony!
and
then i attempted suicide
in the psychiatric ward i thought ,
“now i have had my agony”.
and today i realize
i
am such a contradiction.
because even though i do not care what they all think.
i need
what they all think
i need to be acknowledged for my agony
and i have had agony
but until i
come to America
with $700
and am raped
have a history of abusive parents
have an abortion
live on the streets for years
lose all weight until i am all bones,
and then magically become overnight “new money”
until then.
i will not gain the same respect
agony has.
but it has to stop.
so i will take second place for once in my life
and be
“masochist”
that
which is you
cannot be seen
through
a parent
or a close companion
who we are
is seen
in the eyes
of a stranger
who knows
nothing
of past
or potential
and SEES what is now
we are now
not what we were before
don’t be afraid
of strangers
let yourself be seen
and seek the strange
you may be surprised
at the advice
given to you
by someone you’ve never met
and how
a stranger
will change your life
you will only
be seen
through the eyes
of a stranger
to him you are strange
and our tongues only describe best that which is strangest
you will only
be SEEN
by
a stranger
are you
who makes me close myself
and smell flowers
walking down metropolis
searching as a hawk
for you,
who turns my body
to elastic at night,
just a thought of
you
who i have not met yet.
without a face or a shape
are you
reading these words
and are you
perhaps asking the same question?
do not “resurrect” me: (MY “DNR”)
FOOL!
.say many a thing
wise man!
say one.
boast meaning. Hmm.
ramble on?
Silence
Cannot be judged
so shall i
sleep forever?
or
LIVE?
wearing red
sceaming FIRE!!!
pierced by your
eyes?
to greet life
Unprepared.
Unalarmed.
is not life.
am i to be a vegetable in a room?
who does not produce
the growth
of seeds in my mind?
THIS IS not LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this “life” is never mine.
I WILL NOT be a stagnant plant.
nature grows her own gardens,
let me die.
FRANKENSTEIN
“blablabla”…
love or hate
IF i have not one
indulge in the other
there in your
black boots
spiky hair
pierced
eyebrow
no laughter
lipped shut
BAD!! BAD. bad?
Running? away? from? dad, dAD DAD DAD
ambivalence
Just
180 degrees
from the baby
who once smiled
at fast dancing
of some stuffed creature
brought to life
by someone HE LOVED!
and WHO loved HIM BACK?
“Hello, my name is Liliana,
i’m addicted
to contact
addicted to warmth of skin
under my arm
tryit.
clutch a pillow at night
clutch a person tomorrow….
?
an addict
to the silence
of an eye
that looks back
with a different reflection every day
i’m an addict
for the diagonal line
on a face
addicted to seeing
my hand. MY HAND!!!
outlining a different territory
than that in the mirror
an addict
for having a footprint beside mine
on the sands
addict
for new memories to be made
observing reactions
of another
in response to the laughter of a child
addicted
helplessly
to the idea
of being helped
even though I don’t need it
and never have before
an addict
to crying
without knowing why?
addicted
to worrying
how early? how many more minutes?
how late
addict
to interaction
of a bodies’ rise and fall
closed within a circle
of human flesh
addict
to this mess
Addicted
to the point
where each minute
brings a new tolerance
to me
every new minute
cannot congragulate the old
but instead strive to compete against it
addicted
so much
that I’m addicted
to this addiction
knowing
that I suffer
that I lack
gives me inspiration
to become
addicted
to something else
hating hating hating
this need
from an atheist
an addict to addiction
my mind
an asylum
for an addict
who has lost faith in addiction”.
maui
sugarcane does not burn here
it syrups to sugar
the clouds it forms
are never white
but a beige yellow
wind shakes
distracting noses
the scent of such gorgeous nature
but awful methane
rising from waste fields
passes
with smell of sea salt
and fresh scratches
on human skin from surfboards
the faces
shaded brown
offer no hostility
or politics of the city
the art of living
in ever palm tree and mountain
such beauty
is too great for paint
the other side
opens the side
i am living on
journeying across
my side
is the other side
so i hue
my locks purple
and red
live for
moments
on crowded streets
drag my
feminine figure
in baggy pants that
devour my curves
of being a woman
this other side
perhaps to live as
a boy for a day
and climb tall fences
gutfull
with no complexes
talking in all honesty
with my compadres
without the mindless gossip found in my former groupies
or becoming an addict
of some sort
to explore how it is
to live one’s life
for a “mere” drug
i will walk
naked of course.
so inevitably
i will be arrested
for indecent exposure
they will tackle me
and put me behind bars in a cell
why this adventure?
which will no doubt cause stress for my “gang”?
well it is only an
adventure for me
even though it will become mine
through this side
but it remains
this other side
NURSERY RHYME
it is not for me
that I am crying
but for the unhappiness
of the world
the beautiful world
is crying
through the mother
waving to her son
at the bus stop
first day of school
first day of socialism, americanism, ism and ism and ism and ism
first day and mother’s last day
swearing.sex.money.drugs.admit it.it’s out there. it’s better than to be false.mother. there. Is more. Than. Your. Child. CRY!!!
cry for
dead fish
in our rivers. Because?
I am not a true environmentalist
and neither are you
so cry with me
maybe our tears will clean our water through
crying
heroin addict
white-haired from shock
begging for mercy
from a dealer
no, I do not cry for me
i cry for
everything
i have not
and have seen
screw it.
the philosophical crap.
i can be intellectual
BUT I’d rather be REAL.
I cry
YOU cry
WE ALL cry
And the world falls down.
i should have told you
how much i felt at ease
stained,
from your dirty pants
and greasy hair.
i loved you irresponsible
i loved you unpredictable.
i should have shut up.
and bit my tongue off
to prevent the bitter slashes of criticism.
i should have just shut up with it all
and i should have said
something.
when i saw how
your comfortable face
tensed
with the pain
of not being good enough for me
i should have talked
because i didn’t want anything but
your sleepy eyes
and unwashed armpits
in my bed
when you would come home.
but i didn’t
say
and now
i hate
this
thing
you “evolved” into.
i hate the boring tie you’re wearing.
i hate your new job.
i hate your survivor stories
i hate your new money.
i hate the warm smile that you expect of me
for all your efforts.
i should have said something.
because now
i hate this
icky thing
you’ve become.
oozing
with
expensive cologne.
if one cannot do
then one must teach
yes?
well that’s what they told me
who’s they?
i don’t know
if you have an answer why don’t you finish this poem?
no. fuck you.
this is my powem.
so in that case
if one who understands nothing
must also have some purpose
then why not to analyze?
and choose what better medium
than poetry?
for it is not creating anything
just capturing a mundane idea,
and twisting it
whether beautiful illusion
or frank and ugly
i respect those who are you
for i was
and am in many cases still you
you must reek of boredom
laziness perhaps,
not stupidity.
for there are none who are
just lacking in some quality
that you are searching for
i am sorry.
i am not your answer.
i am not my answer.
i am just
an idiot
who understands
nothing.
transgressions of history
a boy bullied by school yard mongrels today
(sound faimiliar)?
ADULTEROUS BURDENS
on MR. SUIT-TIE’s lipstick stained face
(sound familiar)?
bruises colored blueberry pie
mushy on “cindy’s” shoulder
(sound familiar)?
revolts praising unity
separating our youths
(sound familiar)?
biological weapons BLASTing away the nuks
WE ARE our own WAR!!
?SOUND FAMILIAR?
seeker of truth
seeker
of that
which
you know
do not
see
what you want
so search
in the water
from which
you were
born
into a light
that you escape
never understanding
that it is
this
that you need
trying to
find the answers
in drops
of rain
in evaporation
you will
lose
everything
that you gained
falling
on a road
a thousand times
while your feet
with their soles
torn
escape from
intimate journeys
that you know
must be taken
seeker of all that
you cannot contol
live to live
at times
when you don’t know
what your eyes see
as you are
faced
every morning
never ending
under the night
with the
bitter reality
of truth
seeker
know
mystery
sometimes is not
magic
if
discovered
know
that what you find
inside
may not be
for the
rest
to
see
and seeker?
I know
ME-1st Slideshow and MY ARTWORKS-2cd/bottom Slideshow
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
more than genius
I suppose
there will be
other ways of discovery
for you all
to know who i am
it is so difficult
to not do it all at once
a ridiculous play
of a thespian dancer poet artist
writer singer swimmer philosopher musician humanist traveler lover hater equestrian dreamer and etceteras
such a theatrical drama
would be closer to a circus
is a respectable thing
even in such rings
there are many players
so while i am
all of these
and everything
that i have yet to be
i will not subject
you all
to a horridly confusing scene
in which i play all parts
no.
as hard as it is
this will be my first mark on the world
and you will all instead anticipate what is next
dark
and most foreboding
enchanting
intriguing
my coeche
the immortal
through my veins
blue to onyx
evil in eye
whispers
daring
impulsive
seductive
intellect
of ages
wisdom of soul
wit
i call
from the winds
from all hell
come
rise
to worship me
a slave
in chains
resurrect
desire
for only me
mysterious creature
kiss my hunger gone
nomad
of the underworld
die
and live
to embrace me
________________________________________________________________________
ARMY pants
it is worth the sergeant’s bad breath
and wake-ups at 4 am,
in order to wear
such marvel
i despise
war
and find it offensive that more moolah
is spent on the preparation of a fight
than the meditation
to find the courage
and stop it
but
as long as i
am allowed to be in camouflage
in skin
that withstands all weather,
i will never fade,
and i will disguise
me,
to be comfortable
in army pants.
________________________________________________________________________
in the process of life
exactly what progress
is there
are our trees
varied and green
with or without categorization
and skies not blue
without being royal or navy
does water change its purpose
now that we have identified its components
through
all of your taxonomies
I say
i am an idiot. yes i am
we are all cavemen
with expensive business suits
monkeys
at our own tea party
an I?
oh the glorious I
i, I am just another one of your classifications
_______________________________________________________________________
a heated debate
if man
was ocean
woman justly wind
for what wave
becomes a wave
without force
it may still
be man’s world
even after our intelligencies
but should there be no woman
then there would be no competition
and man would have nary a compliment
yet being as man is man
an arguement
would still seek to be won
for although a man is logical
no woman wastes time
on an undefined purpose
although i must admit
in many ways man has been made superior
man will stay calm and
solve problems
while woman deflates hysterics
man is strong
and retains all water
woman
mystifies
and prattles on
shuffling
emotions
in tornado
man made
with greater
advantage
but man is lazy
and woman
may work
grasping man’s talent
yet needed are both
for when man flames
women fires
but there is still
no wave begun
without
the yell of wind behind it
________________________________________________________________________
: America :
an American
will ask
“why am i so hated ?”
and the world
will reply
“what is there to love ?
a country boasting
economy
with poor men
on streets
so rich of an illusion
knowledge is a chore
a spoiled child
may swear at a father
and still live under his roof
so arrogant a people
that talk is loud
when traveling abroad
never think with brains
but with a mouth
selfish
Americans are
when the world respects elders
America builds retirement homes
too bold
for education
philosophers are forgotten
where in the world english is a required thing
foreign language here
is viewed as an option
yes, all should know and respect America
as you have trade expert
and the entertainment world
an American
will butt into business
of a country on her own
an American
requests no polite gestures
but demands
for a bowed reply
what good is love
in America
if it is all a game
of lies
what man
in America
will die for a woman he loves
and what woman
would give up everything
to be there by his side?
oh yes
such rustic
asian thought
and a quaint and
antique European
view of life
but what in
America says pride
besides the
cities’ twinkling lights ?”
and to this
an American
will simply respond
“ well, how else
would you expect us to be?
No other nation
can ever
boast the
guarantee of success
with hard work
our grocery stores
are in fact too plentiful
and we
watch tv
instead of reading books,
but
America is opportunity
and no other
than the land
of dreams.”
________________________________________________________________________
floating
worse than sinking
neverending
this boring oblivion
i stare
at the plateau
of silence
here
with all the fire in me
how have I landed
in this pit
with no bottom
no top
no width
and no volume
i try to grimace
but cannot as it is too severe
i am eating never
with a fork
or a knife
but a spoon
slowly
there is nothing
at all
and there is
all in this nothing
which is what i hate
but have no emotion to hate
because i am in this plateau
wanting extremity
and keep wishing
for an
and
________________________________________________________________________
ego
can overpower love
and hate
can change enemies
to friends
and friends
into killers
has made me proud
and has made me love
and all to resist
to look in the mirror
and see a
face
that has
been weak
________________________________________________________________________
cacoethes scribendi
the dent a
woman leaves
in sand
is seen with my eye.
and thought about,
in attempt to analyze such beauty
using a pen.
i am not the
ursula
of foam,
but a seething
whale
of ideas.
to write,
to sing,
to laugh,
to play,
there are no greater joys!
save one.
to share
your entity
with the world
and the universe preceding.
to be a soul
among all soul
to be a family member
in every family
through words
abraxas
i do not believe in god
i do not dare to hope
hope is a sweet illusion
but an illusion it is
i know
and do not think
that we are all connected by energy
not by skin or any matter which we understand
we are all evil and good
and what we do
individually
inevitably affects the rest
there is no belief
and i cannot explain
how i have security
in a knowledge that is not deemed by any as “secure”
a self acknowleged atheist
still experiences all the things
a priest may
except a title
to understand
what i believe
this belief, that is not a belief but a fact
of enigmatic proportions
is only understood
by the one
who knows
of
and the ones
who have taught me of
the nature of
Abraxas
fuck.
what a word
what power.
i wish people would gasp
at
love.
but no
fuck
is far more interesting
even though
myself included
this population
most of it
has no idea of its
etymological origin
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
duck duck duck
luck
fucked
duck
oh such a dammit
nothing.
i could not convince myself
or any other
that any other word
held the same power
as
a
fuck
G E N I U S
I have a
Picture
In my brain
that would Shame
Any architect’s blueprint. with the schematics of ME,
Simple solution. Right solution
To every quandary
I
Am
Everything!
if only…………………………………………………………………………………….
somebody
could glimpse
at the work
of my
soooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuulllllll
the magnificence and the horror
just imagine
all my thoughts
into action
I am
a
genius
i am
immortal
i am
i am
i am!
i shall make it so.
me shall be
more than me. Me more than what the world sees.
Me more than “should be”
more than “than”.
Just a
>>>>>>> ?genius?
there will be
other ways of discovery
for you all
to know who i am
it is so difficult
to not do it all at once
a ridiculous play
of a thespian dancer poet artist
writer singer swimmer philosopher musician humanist traveler lover hater equestrian dreamer and etceteras
such a theatrical drama
would be closer to a circus
is a respectable thing
even in such rings
there are many players
so while i am
all of these
and everything
that i have yet to be
i will not subject
you all
to a horridly confusing scene
in which i play all parts
no.
as hard as it is
this will be my first mark on the world
and you will all instead anticipate what is next
dark
and most foreboding
enchanting
intriguing
my coeche
the immortal
through my veins
blue to onyx
evil in eye
whispers
daring
impulsive
seductive
intellect
of ages
wisdom of soul
wit
i call
from the winds
from all hell
come
rise
to worship me
a slave
in chains
resurrect
desire
for only me
mysterious creature
kiss my hunger gone
nomad
of the underworld
die
and live
to embrace me
________________________________________________________________________
ARMY pants
it is worth the sergeant’s bad breath
and wake-ups at 4 am,
in order to wear
such marvel
i despise
war
and find it offensive that more moolah
is spent on the preparation of a fight
than the meditation
to find the courage
and stop it
but
as long as i
am allowed to be in camouflage
in skin
that withstands all weather,
i will never fade,
and i will disguise
me,
to be comfortable
in army pants.
________________________________________________________________________
in the process of life
exactly what progress
is there
are our trees
varied and green
with or without categorization
and skies not blue
without being royal or navy
does water change its purpose
now that we have identified its components
through
all of your taxonomies
I say
i am an idiot. yes i am
we are all cavemen
with expensive business suits
monkeys
at our own tea party
an I?
oh the glorious I
i, I am just another one of your classifications
_______________________________________________________________________
a heated debate
if man
was ocean
woman justly wind
for what wave
becomes a wave
without force
it may still
be man’s world
even after our intelligencies
but should there be no woman
then there would be no competition
and man would have nary a compliment
yet being as man is man
an arguement
would still seek to be won
for although a man is logical
no woman wastes time
on an undefined purpose
although i must admit
in many ways man has been made superior
man will stay calm and
solve problems
while woman deflates hysterics
man is strong
and retains all water
woman
mystifies
and prattles on
shuffling
emotions
in tornado
man made
with greater
advantage
but man is lazy
and woman
may work
grasping man’s talent
yet needed are both
for when man flames
women fires
but there is still
no wave begun
without
the yell of wind behind it
________________________________________________________________________
: America :
an American
will ask
“why am i so hated ?”
and the world
will reply
“what is there to love ?
a country boasting
economy
with poor men
on streets
so rich of an illusion
knowledge is a chore
a spoiled child
may swear at a father
and still live under his roof
so arrogant a people
that talk is loud
when traveling abroad
never think with brains
but with a mouth
selfish
Americans are
when the world respects elders
America builds retirement homes
too bold
for education
philosophers are forgotten
where in the world english is a required thing
foreign language here
is viewed as an option
yes, all should know and respect America
as you have trade expert
and the entertainment world
an American
will butt into business
of a country on her own
an American
requests no polite gestures
but demands
for a bowed reply
what good is love
in America
if it is all a game
of lies
what man
in America
will die for a woman he loves
and what woman
would give up everything
to be there by his side?
oh yes
such rustic
asian thought
and a quaint and
antique European
view of life
but what in
America says pride
besides the
cities’ twinkling lights ?”
and to this
an American
will simply respond
“ well, how else
would you expect us to be?
No other nation
can ever
boast the
guarantee of success
with hard work
our grocery stores
are in fact too plentiful
and we
watch tv
instead of reading books,
but
America is opportunity
and no other
than the land
of dreams.”
________________________________________________________________________
floating
worse than sinking
neverending
this boring oblivion
i stare
at the plateau
of silence
here
with all the fire in me
how have I landed
in this pit
with no bottom
no top
no width
and no volume
i try to grimace
but cannot as it is too severe
i am eating never
with a fork
or a knife
but a spoon
slowly
there is nothing
at all
and there is
all in this nothing
which is what i hate
but have no emotion to hate
because i am in this plateau
wanting extremity
and keep wishing
for an
and
________________________________________________________________________
ego
can overpower love
and hate
can change enemies
to friends
and friends
into killers
has made me proud
and has made me love
and all to resist
to look in the mirror
and see a
face
that has
been weak
________________________________________________________________________
cacoethes scribendi
the dent a
woman leaves
in sand
is seen with my eye.
and thought about,
in attempt to analyze such beauty
using a pen.
i am not the
ursula
of foam,
but a seething
whale
of ideas.
to write,
to sing,
to laugh,
to play,
there are no greater joys!
save one.
to share
your entity
with the world
and the universe preceding.
to be a soul
among all soul
to be a family member
in every family
through words
abraxas
i do not believe in god
i do not dare to hope
hope is a sweet illusion
but an illusion it is
i know
and do not think
that we are all connected by energy
not by skin or any matter which we understand
we are all evil and good
and what we do
individually
inevitably affects the rest
there is no belief
and i cannot explain
how i have security
in a knowledge that is not deemed by any as “secure”
a self acknowleged atheist
still experiences all the things
a priest may
except a title
to understand
what i believe
this belief, that is not a belief but a fact
of enigmatic proportions
is only understood
by the one
who knows
of
and the ones
who have taught me of
the nature of
Abraxas
fuck.
what a word
what power.
i wish people would gasp
at
love.
but no
fuck
is far more interesting
even though
myself included
this population
most of it
has no idea of its
etymological origin
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
duck duck duck
luck
fucked
duck
oh such a dammit
nothing.
i could not convince myself
or any other
that any other word
held the same power
as
a
fuck
G E N I U S
I have a
Picture
In my brain
that would Shame
Any architect’s blueprint. with the schematics of ME,
Simple solution. Right solution
To every quandary
I
Am
Everything!
if only…………………………………………………………………………………….
somebody
could glimpse
at the work
of my
soooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuulllllll
the magnificence and the horror
just imagine
all my thoughts
into action
I am
a
genius
i am
immortal
i am
i am
i am!
i shall make it so.
me shall be
more than me. Me more than what the world sees.
Me more than “should be”
more than “than”.
Just a
>>>>>>> ?genius?
THE BOTTOMLINE OF "poetry" HAHAHAAHAHAHAH
THE BOTTOMLINE
I was once told
to write about
love
trees, flowers
etcetera, etcetera.
which I will do
when I see fit
but I don’t always
tolerate poems that rhyme
poetry has been misused I feel
life has so much beauty
that I find it
difficult
to believe
all we are capable of writing
is of yellow daffodils and tweeting larks
Shakespeare was a genius who
covered it all already
so I will aim for originality
and hey maybe I will write about love once in a while
but the other mysteries of life are far more enticing
if I can’t be a researcher
I will be a scientist through speech
and why
this stereotype from intellectuals
that a true poem
must be a certain way?
WHY????
WHY???
I will write about
my fanatic obsession with peanut butter
I will write
about the world
what I see
what I experience
the old man next to me on the subway
and the orange I had for breakfast
my opinions on politics, entertainers, myself
I will write about
my contempt of highschool
how knowledge is not in a GPA
and the hell I went through with authority figures
I will use whatever damn language
I feel gets my point across
To all my opposers : keep your grammar
and poetic etiquette
I will write
and write
until the people of this world
all people
young and old
will love poetry, art, music
and choose books over television
and have a good reason to
they will be interested!!!
and they will read out of desire and not force
and when I read in the future
what I wrote today
I will never have to silently admit to myself
that I had to write for money or success
I will write
just for the heck of writing
just to see a typewriter jet out black words on white paper
the coolness of it
about whatever
without a thesaurus
and I will be blunt
if someone aggravates me
they may be written about
and I am a musician
and my piano becomes angry too
I will sing
without vocal training if I feel like it
and be a dancer with bad posture
I am a painter
with brushes that are so fluffy
they could be compared to an afro
I will be an artist
of nudity
abstractity
and whatever other “ties” this world may invent
I am sure I will be analyzed
and if not then YEA!!!!!!!!!!!! Free free free!!!!
but it will never effect my style
and any editor that dares to change me
will have my writing to fear
what’s the bottomline?
I’ll tell you the bottomline
I will do whatever during day or night
I will love
I will hate
I will see the world
I will respect every lesson I learn
and every piece of wisdom I fall upon
I will live!!!
I cannot be stopped
either through a computer or pencil or pen
or even death
for when I am thru
if I have touched even one person
then that one person
may one day say
“I am writer
and I will write”
I was once told
to write about
love
trees, flowers
etcetera, etcetera.
which I will do
when I see fit
but I don’t always
tolerate poems that rhyme
poetry has been misused I feel
life has so much beauty
that I find it
difficult
to believe
all we are capable of writing
is of yellow daffodils and tweeting larks
Shakespeare was a genius who
covered it all already
so I will aim for originality
and hey maybe I will write about love once in a while
but the other mysteries of life are far more enticing
if I can’t be a researcher
I will be a scientist through speech
and why
this stereotype from intellectuals
that a true poem
must be a certain way?
WHY????
WHY???
I will write about
my fanatic obsession with peanut butter
I will write
about the world
what I see
what I experience
the old man next to me on the subway
and the orange I had for breakfast
my opinions on politics, entertainers, myself
I will write about
my contempt of highschool
how knowledge is not in a GPA
and the hell I went through with authority figures
I will use whatever damn language
I feel gets my point across
To all my opposers : keep your grammar
and poetic etiquette
I will write
and write
until the people of this world
all people
young and old
will love poetry, art, music
and choose books over television
and have a good reason to
they will be interested!!!
and they will read out of desire and not force
and when I read in the future
what I wrote today
I will never have to silently admit to myself
that I had to write for money or success
I will write
just for the heck of writing
just to see a typewriter jet out black words on white paper
the coolness of it
about whatever
without a thesaurus
and I will be blunt
if someone aggravates me
they may be written about
and I am a musician
and my piano becomes angry too
I will sing
without vocal training if I feel like it
and be a dancer with bad posture
I am a painter
with brushes that are so fluffy
they could be compared to an afro
I will be an artist
of nudity
abstractity
and whatever other “ties” this world may invent
I am sure I will be analyzed
and if not then YEA!!!!!!!!!!!! Free free free!!!!
but it will never effect my style
and any editor that dares to change me
will have my writing to fear
what’s the bottomline?
I’ll tell you the bottomline
I will do whatever during day or night
I will love
I will hate
I will see the world
I will respect every lesson I learn
and every piece of wisdom I fall upon
I will live!!!
I cannot be stopped
either through a computer or pencil or pen
or even death
for when I am thru
if I have touched even one person
then that one person
may one day say
“I am writer
and I will write”
for my only truth
I’d like to say what I want to say for you to understand that I am a genius unlike any other before me or after
I want you to need to fuck me like you do with all the porn stars you admire
I need for your mind to worship me as an entity of complete truth, like GOD
I want myself in your eyes
I want you to see me in your mirror
I want you to realize your truest self whilst staring into the magnificence of mine
I want to create the words of a beautiful swan
So that you ugly duckling
May feel beautiful
1
In torment I stand
Pissed out of rock n roll
Myriad of nothing
I have no sense
Nor reason to hope for any
I am the sky
Without blue
2
If choice affects consequence
Choose wise pleasures my friend
The sea so vast in comfort
Will wash your time til you end
Wander in your forests
Traipse in insanity
But come back sometime
To this boredom
Of true reality
3
My mind is a tomb
Of buried secrets
In it you will never dwell
But death will surround
And you it
My pigeons of thought
Poop all over your ideals
Your oh-so sophisticated philosophy
I am proof of the infinite
Cesspool of illusion
4
It stands like a zebra in an opera house
My giraffe
I love you
You don’t belong anywhere
Nobody knows why you’re there
For you are everything
You are water
Seeping without shape forever
My tiny microscope
Sees the genius you truly are
But the world has naked eyes
They cannot see
That a puddle is a tsunami waiting to happen
Parallel universe
5
Have you ever watched flight?
From the bird’s first wanderings
To her final destination
It feels to me as a length of symphony
Without a written note
A music I cannot dance to
Nor be a part of
Blast you awful bird
Shut up
And stop time
6
What words are there to write
A bouquet of silent insanity
Are you crazy
You are crazy
So they say always
I’m just
Wordless
Too much of it all to be
Comprehensive
But I’m expected
To make coherent, grammatically fucking pretty
Sentences of comprehension
7
Why don’t you like me?
This is my blood
Why don’t you see me
I am my heart
Why won’t you love me
I offer my eternity to you
Why do you spit on me
Reject me with commonalities
I unleash my soul
And you say no with such comfort
I write and you WILL NOT LISTEN
8
I have pretty lips
Sometimes
When they’re not chapped
And bloom bright pink
I like their shape
They remind me of
Your cute ears
And your penis
9
Mona Lisa is the omen
Every woman is devil
She smiles as if she knows
And all you men believe
True evil
Knows nothing
You are all fools
10
Neck
White
Fragile delicate
Bony
Smart
Witty
Not scaly, not freckled
Proportional
To my chin
But not if I crack it and die
11
Your furry hair
The fluff of gorgeous eyelashes
Curled up next to my back
My puppy of beauty
You’re so damn cute I want to
Scream
How can an angel so pure
Be so seductive
You are my tormenter
My cute kitty lover
12
Please let me help you
You can’t let help in
You scream with noise
But I see your pink
Cheeks
When you feel scared and
Nervous sometimes
Please let me comfort you
Cook you well done
Or just
Until there is no more pink
Left in your eyes
13
Stop now
I’m sick of me
Enough
Mirror
The
Torrent rage of narcissistic
Pornography of me
Has ended abruptly
Without orgasm
14
My face
Turns me on
I love you my angel
I see what you see
Everyday
I see you
In my eyes cheeks
Bone structure
I have morphed into you
You turn my poetry into
Sentimental teenage
Diary entries
15
Guilt washes me
I love you!
Please know
No matter how many
Whirlpools I float in
What minds I fuck on
Whatever journeys
Which are mine alone
I have always torn them all away from
Truth
You are my only truth
My love
You are every
Answer
I want you to need to fuck me like you do with all the porn stars you admire
I need for your mind to worship me as an entity of complete truth, like GOD
I want myself in your eyes
I want you to see me in your mirror
I want you to realize your truest self whilst staring into the magnificence of mine
I want to create the words of a beautiful swan
So that you ugly duckling
May feel beautiful
1
In torment I stand
Pissed out of rock n roll
Myriad of nothing
I have no sense
Nor reason to hope for any
I am the sky
Without blue
2
If choice affects consequence
Choose wise pleasures my friend
The sea so vast in comfort
Will wash your time til you end
Wander in your forests
Traipse in insanity
But come back sometime
To this boredom
Of true reality
3
My mind is a tomb
Of buried secrets
In it you will never dwell
But death will surround
And you it
My pigeons of thought
Poop all over your ideals
Your oh-so sophisticated philosophy
I am proof of the infinite
Cesspool of illusion
4
It stands like a zebra in an opera house
My giraffe
I love you
You don’t belong anywhere
Nobody knows why you’re there
For you are everything
You are water
Seeping without shape forever
My tiny microscope
Sees the genius you truly are
But the world has naked eyes
They cannot see
That a puddle is a tsunami waiting to happen
Parallel universe
5
Have you ever watched flight?
From the bird’s first wanderings
To her final destination
It feels to me as a length of symphony
Without a written note
A music I cannot dance to
Nor be a part of
Blast you awful bird
Shut up
And stop time
6
What words are there to write
A bouquet of silent insanity
Are you crazy
You are crazy
So they say always
I’m just
Wordless
Too much of it all to be
Comprehensive
But I’m expected
To make coherent, grammatically fucking pretty
Sentences of comprehension
7
Why don’t you like me?
This is my blood
Why don’t you see me
I am my heart
Why won’t you love me
I offer my eternity to you
Why do you spit on me
Reject me with commonalities
I unleash my soul
And you say no with such comfort
I write and you WILL NOT LISTEN
8
I have pretty lips
Sometimes
When they’re not chapped
And bloom bright pink
I like their shape
They remind me of
Your cute ears
And your penis
9
Mona Lisa is the omen
Every woman is devil
She smiles as if she knows
And all you men believe
True evil
Knows nothing
You are all fools
10
Neck
White
Fragile delicate
Bony
Smart
Witty
Not scaly, not freckled
Proportional
To my chin
But not if I crack it and die
11
Your furry hair
The fluff of gorgeous eyelashes
Curled up next to my back
My puppy of beauty
You’re so damn cute I want to
Scream
How can an angel so pure
Be so seductive
You are my tormenter
My cute kitty lover
12
Please let me help you
You can’t let help in
You scream with noise
But I see your pink
Cheeks
When you feel scared and
Nervous sometimes
Please let me comfort you
Cook you well done
Or just
Until there is no more pink
Left in your eyes
13
Stop now
I’m sick of me
Enough
Mirror
The
Torrent rage of narcissistic
Pornography of me
Has ended abruptly
Without orgasm
14
My face
Turns me on
I love you my angel
I see what you see
Everyday
I see you
In my eyes cheeks
Bone structure
I have morphed into you
You turn my poetry into
Sentimental teenage
Diary entries
15
Guilt washes me
I love you!
Please know
No matter how many
Whirlpools I float in
What minds I fuck on
Whatever journeys
Which are mine alone
I have always torn them all away from
Truth
You are my only truth
My love
You are every
Answer
PI 3.14159...the pattern of the universe
“Something” Vs. Everything Else
Nothing is certain
Nothing is everything, everything is nothing, they both don’t exist, and with their non-existence they exist
life = death
There is no such thing as an atheist. Everyone who is alive is alive because of “faith”. Nobody knows why they’re here, what will happen, what is the reason for stars, planets, galaxies, “the universe”, all of existance. Yes they have knowledge, yes there are explanations and rules for what IS here. But there is no explanation of WHY it is here. People live because they believe. All of life lives because of a belief. Bacterial cells have a genetic imprint, a universal core structured into their being that they may not have the ability to be aware of, but it is in them. Why? is everyone such a fool? This illusion, why can’t everybody just die? Belief=stupidity. Both “classifications” don’t even exist, there is nothing, which = everything. Life is death so death wouldn’t be freedom, because it will still be belief of some sort. So how to end all of existance? How to abolish EVERYTHING? life, death, energy? There is no proof for anything, why to live? “beauty”, “truth”, “ love”, bla bla. Why do people have faith in anything? Enough to stay alive...? survival, pleasure/comfort, love, emotion, genetic universal imprinting. They call Hitler a murderer, but HE understood, he was a “genius”. How to do what he did on an ARMAGEDDON scale? All will say, ok, if we know not why we live, then why die, as it is the same thing? Living is probably better than dying, for all we know. YES!! exactly!!! Belief to “die” : sadness, “giving up”, anger, lonliness, lack of love, lack of BELIEF. BUT-this lack of belief is not a lack of belief of ALL , EVERYTHING. it is just a lack of belief for LIFE specifically. Life in the human sense. What to be done? If not life, if not death... A complete.. something which has never yet been understood/that has no basis nor any... They say that it is my mind which is controlling me (“bipolar” schizophrenic, psychological disease, etc.) that I shoudl just and be able to DO without questioning. “curiosity killed the cat”. BUT, their minds are programmed to DO without question, whereas I question without doing. So we are both parallelly trapped. As i am writing this, I am trapped. Neither side, nor us who question or those who don’t are FREE. slaves whether we think or don’t, live or die. What is free? Freedom is an illusion also, but FREE in the sense of non-existance. existance is “work”.
"How I want a drink, alcoholic of course, after the heavy lectures involving quantum mechanics!" This satirical statement is a clever mnemonic device for remembering the first 15 digits of pi (including the first "3"). Note how the number of letters is the same as each respective digit.
Human was the music, Natural was the static… - John Updike
What seems to inevitably come up are three major opinions on the topic of religion vs. math/science: 1) religion is right, 2) math is right, 3) (this is the most controversial by far), encoded within the digits of pi is the message that “God/supernatural force is in mathematics”. It is a well known un-spoken fact that any true intellectual must acknowledge all aspects of a problem, regardless of his/her own personal opinions. An educated worshipper of God and an “atheistic” scientist must each accept the combination of both worlds into an ultimate solution concerning the mysteries of life. Science in itself cannot exist without a basic code of morality or human ethics. Much of religion is based on such morality codes, so even in science which is largely an area of pure fact, there are “religious” standards. In religion, even with the Church’s denial of Galileo’s discovery and countless other scientists, philosophers, etc., the Church or religion in general has accepted the fact that intertwined within religion are certain undeniable mathematical proofs. The two, however much controversy is sparked between God-followers and atheists, are paradoxical views that are on the same line of life. If one was love and the other hate, then theoretically they both would be “on different sides of ONE coin”.
When one mentions such “big” elements of the programmed human world such as The Bible, morality and the universe, it leaves room for a lot of so-called highly sophisticated debates. Sometimes it is so curious to me that the greatest minds of our centuries never talked, they simply did, and were introverts as opposed to the semi-brilliant populace that sits down on a regular basis in rustic coffee shops discussing Nietzche. At times I feel much like the “know-it-all” who finds him- or her-self to be intelligent and educated. On better days I realize that truly, “the more I learn the more I realize how little I know” – Albert Einstein. I am not an expert in any field, nor do I dare to make the claim that my grand theory about life is the correct one. BUT, I do realize that somewhere in everything lies pi. In fact, stating that pi lies in everything is probably too elementary. No, MATHEMATICS lies in everything. Although it is incorrectly quoted in the Bible as being “3”
( “Also he made a molten sea of ten cubits from brim to brim,
Round in compass, and five cubits the height thereof,
and a line of thirty cubits did compass it round about”
– Old Testament, I Kings 7:23 (nearly identical to 2 Chronicles 4:2) = thirty cubits divided by ten cubits= 3)
, the mere mention of pi shows that even in religion, mathematics presides. In the Indian Koran, the number 19 is found almost every place in it’s original Sanskrit scrolls. The number 19 is the Hindu “pi”, and it can also be converted to the 3.14159… ratio. Even in a state of pure randomness such as the Buffon needle experiment, the rate and length of the needles that fall from one’s hands always turn out to have pi describe the position of how they fell.
BUFFON’S NEEDLE (experiment)
Buffon's Needle refers to a simple Monte Carlo method for the estimation of the value of pi, 3.14159265... The idea is very simple. Suppose you have
a tabletop with a number of parallel lines drawn on it, which are equally spaced (say the spacing is 1 inch, for example).
Suppose you also have a pin or needle, which is also an inch long. If you drop the needle on the table, you will find that one of two things happens:
(1) The needle crosses or touches one of the lines, or
(2) the needle crosses no lines. The idea now is to keep dropping this needle over and over on the table, and to record the statistics.
Namely, we want to keep track of both the total number of times that the needle is randomly dropped on the table (call this N),
and the number of times that it crosses a line (call this C).
If you keep dropping the needle, eventually you will find that the number 2N/C approaches the value of pi! - http://www.angelfire.com/wa/hurben/buff.html
The probability on any given drop of the needle that it should cross a line is given by 2/pi. After many trials, the value of C/N, the number of crossing needles divided by the total number of needles, will approach the value of the probability.
Pi by itself has already been abused with discrimination, and with the obsession of minds all across the country. Let’s start with the latter. The following is a list of all the known people in earth’s history who have tried to calculate the numbers of pi :
Table of computation of Pi from 2000 BC to now
Babylonians 2000? BCE 1 3.125 = 3 + 1/8Egyptians 2000? BCE 1 3.16045 China 1200? BCE 1 3 Bible (1 Kings 7:23) 550? BCE 1 3 Archimedes 250? BCE 3 3.1418 (ave.) Hon Han Shu 130 AD 1 3.1622 = sqrt(10) ? Ptolemy 150 3 3.14166 Chung Hing 250? 1 3.16227 = sqrt(10) Wang Fau 250? 1 3.15555 = 142/45 Liu Hui 263 5 3.14159 Siddhanta 380 3 3.1416 Tsu Ch'ung Chi 480? 7 3.1415926 Aryabhata 499 4 3.14156 Brahmagupta 640? 1 3.162277 = sqrt(10) Al-Khowarizmi 800 4 3.1416 Fibonacci 1220 3 3.141818 Al-Kashi 1429 14 Otho 1573 6 3.1415929 Viete 1593 9 3.1415926536 (ave.) Romanus 1593 15 Van Ceulen 1596 20 Van Ceulen 1615 35 Newton 1665 16 Sharp 1699 71 Seki 1700? 10 Kamata 1730? 25 Machin 1706 100 De Lagny 1719 127 (112 correct) Takebe 1723 41 Matsunaga 1739 50 Vega 1794 140 Rutherford 1824 208 (152 correct) Strassnitzky and Dase 1844 200 Clausen 1847 248 Lehmann 1853 261 Rutherford 1853 440 Shanks 1874 707 (527 correct)
The 20'th century Ferguson 1946 620 Ferguson Jan. 1947 710 Ferguson and Wrench Sep. 1947 808 Smith and Wrench 1949 1,120 Reitwiesner et al. (ENIAC) 1949 2,037 Nicholson and Jeenel 1954 3,092 Felton 1957 7,480 Genuys Jan. 1958 10,000 Felton May 1958 10,021 Guilloud 1959 16,167 Shanks and Wrench 1961 100,265 Guilloud and Filliatre 1966 250,000 Guilloud and Dichampt 1967 500,000 Guilloud and Bouyer 1973 1,001,250 Miyoshi and Kanada 1981 2,000,036 Guilloud 1982 2,000,050 Tamura 1982 2,097,144 Tamura and Kanada 1982 4,194,288 Tamura and Kanada 1982 8,388,576 Kanada, Yoshino and Tamura 1982 16,777,206 Ushiro and Kanada Oct. 1983 10,013,395 Gosper 1985 17,526,200 Bailey Jan. 1986 29,360,111 Kanada and Tamura Sep. 1986 33,554,414 Kanada and Tamura Oct. 1986 67,108,839 Kanada, Tamura, Kubo et al Jan. 1987 134,217,700 Kanada and Tamura Jan. 1988 201,326,551 Chudnovskys May 1989 480,000,000 Chudnovskys Jun. 1989 525,229,270 Kanada and Tamura Jul. 1989 536,870,898 Kanada and Tamura Nov. 1989 1,073,741,799 Chudnovskys Aug. 1989 1,011,196,691 Chudnovskys Aug. 1991 2,260,000,000 Chudnovskys May 1994 4,044,000,000 Takahashi and Kanada Jun. 1995 3,221,225,466 Takahashi and Kanada Aug. 1995 4,294,967,286Takahashi and Kanada Oct. 1995 6,442,450,938
Now that I have displayed the computation of pi over centuries, I must switch to the “unpleasantries” of pi. When my mother was about my age, she read a science-fiction book about a famous mathematician who was actively in pursuit of pi, life, and the mysteries of the universe (in that order). As he started to become closer to solving a specific equation that would be a major breakthrough in mathematics at the time, “strange things” started happening to him. His cat died. People he knew for the duration of his life suddenly disappeared. He began to have hallucinations. The peak of the book was when an unrecognizable figure appeared to him and basically said, “ leave it alone or there will be drastic consequences”. But, like most curious mathematicians and scholars, our victim did not believe in superstition or fate. So he did NOT desist in his calculations. One day.. he vanished. POOF. The end. Sure, this was a sci-fi work, but I’ll leave the following information for your brain to analyze. The following is a short list of “strange” coincidences that have happened to people throughout the decades in search of pi (or matter relating to it). As you will see, most of them died suddenly and unexpectedly.:
[R]onald [W]illiam [H]enry [T]urnbull Hudson (1875-1904),
who died tragically in a mountaineering accident. (was studying of
"Strahlenkomplexe" (ray complexes) in projective geometry, and to his paper of 1864 on the surface of 4th order with 16 double points."
Jacques Herbrand
who died in a similar accident in the Alps (a grave loss to logic and to class field theory)
Robert Croisot
who died in the Alps in the early 60ies (he had invented an interesting notion of 'semimodular' and had authored the book Th/eorie g/eom/etrique des treillis, together with L.Lesieur and Mme.Dubreil-Jacotin).
Evariste Galois
Born: 25 Oct 1811 in Bourg La Reine (near Paris), France
Died: 31 May 1832 in Paris, France
“eccentric” scholar who lived solely in mathematics
“Of course, many more mathematicians died in the last century through the effects of the two world wars. Yet accidents, taking place in moments of leisure, in their suddenness appear as almost more irrational. Would Urysohn have died during the purges of the thirties, he could be commemorated as a victim of persecution - yet he drowned more than ten years earlier in a stupid swimming accident. And accidents are causes of death that can be talked about - we do not talk of a mathematician who fell victim to a usual murder, (we) say in LA . “ - Walter Felscher (Professor of mathematics in Germany)
I do not believe in fate. I do not believe in control outside of mathematics. So, the strange deaths of many mathematicians surely must have a mathematical pattern. Perhaps it is nature’s design to not be “discovered”. A magician would not be a magician unless he had the illusive cover of being magical. You can think nature is magic. You can think nature is all mathematical. I suppose the decision one has to make is what to think, keeping in mind of course that every piece of information you soak in may be fact or fiction. So “knowledge” in itself is quite questionable.
Something incredibly hilarious happened to the American populace in “NMSR Reports, Vol. 4, No. 4, April 1998”. An article that claimed Alabama was attempting to change the value of pi was broadcasted world wide over the internet. Over 10,000 radio stations on the east coast discussed the article and an ample amount of mathematicians, physicists and scientists across the world were in a state of alarm, devastation and protest. Fortunately for fans of pi, this article was a complete hoax. The senator Leonard Lee Lawson (R, Crossville) , from Alabama is non-existent, and the alleged Solomon Society that wanted pi to be “true to the bible” is also not a real society. There was an actual case against pi though. In 1897 the Indiana House of Representatives attempted to change the value of pi from 3.14….. to simply 3 as stated in the Bible. The Senate let the bill die after Purdue math professor C.A. Waldo explained the idiocy of putting pi into Indiana law.
It is horrible and funny how easy it is to manipulate humans isn’t it? How sometimes an answer may SEEM like “the answer” or “the problem”. But…. What really is? What really isn’t? Is is all not a game? Is it all not math?
THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT:
The theory that is humorously described as the idea that a butterfly stirring the air today in Peking can transform storm systems next month in New York.
MY THEORY (IES) note: these are JUST theories.
I don't believe in anything "magical" or "paranormal". In fact, I do not understand nor welcomingly acknowledge any “belief”. There simply is or isn’t. Mathematics does not ask for donations, nor shine itself on television claiming it’s proofs. There is no “hallelujah” in mathematics, (excluding Archimedes’ “Eureka”). Mathematics is a fact. It is in all things. It is undeniable, and just because earthlings do not have enough intelligence to solve life’s mysteries, this does not actually make life’s mysteries “mysterious”. Mathematics is the underlying element of the entire entity of life, death, the universe, etc. There are various ways to find a solution, but the solution is the same. Even in our highest form of mathematics, there are still predictable equations, and at times the solutions may vary but only because we do not take into consideration every possible factor of a specific problem.
everything. can be described through or by mathematics.
magic-what we see at a show as "magical" and unexplainable as it is to us, it is still just a practiced TRICK by a skilled magician.
a. love- has certain steps, every person can fall in love, so even if we cannot explain it, it still is not that "abnormal". It is a predictable process that still has certain stages no matter who or what goes through it. Love is "individualized" according to each experience and perception, but there are some small neurochemical differences, for ex. enlargement of the pupils, heart beat increasing, temperature rising (although this is more attraction than lust) that are found in every person exhibiting signs of love or sexual attraction. Although, one may argue that sexual attraction is very different from love, and to glorify fairy tales and hocus-pocus there are those who stand firmly by the theory of “love at first sight”. Earth people apparently have no idea how to describe love. It seems to them too complex of an issue to dictate by human tongue. But, there are certain signs that give clues as to mathematics in love. Sexual attraction can be varied, because what is beautiful to one eye may be hideous to the next. Yet universally, symmetry in one’s facial and bodily features is comforting to the eye, and thus beauty in itself is quite a mathematical thing in itself. There was a recent research study done by National Geographic that showed sexual activity of people from ages 17-44. Males and females who were more “proportionate” had a significantly higher sexual activity rate. ( please visit www.nationalgeographic.com and the discovery channel’s website for further info. )Yes, sexual attraction is not love, but it is part of it and perhaps a first step. If sexual attraction itself can already be semi-understood through the world of science and mathematics, then it is logical to predict love also has such an explanation. Love could be 9 dimensional, it could involve factors that we do not think are important, but because it is a “phenomenon” that happens to people all across the globe, it is almost mythical to say that love cannot be explained. Any process that happens in this world is based on a formula, the scientific method requires any experiment able to replicate itself. Life, IS an “experiment”. An experiment of nature that requires replication (from seeds to people). Love is not a rare event, thus it follows a pattern, a pattern is the first symptom of math’s involvement.
subjectivity- every person has a different life and a different story, and different DNA. if somebody knows EVERY single detail(billions of pieces of info.) about a certain organism, that organism's likes and dislikes can easily be predicted according to their individual experiences. For ex., if one goes to a move rental shop, and favors a certain movie over another, it is not a sign of fate if another person prefers the same movie, it simply shows that the first person’s experiences and life lived is similar in nature to the second person’s. It in no way demonstrates a “connection” or rarity.
Individualism – yes, there are no two people alike. There are no two fingerprints alike. But if any human being actually thinks themselves to be a rarity among the populace they have gone absolutely mad. We all are composed of the same elements, have predictable reactions according to certain events, digest food, sleep (even if some need 8 and others need 2 hours). Psychology is a fairly new science, and it may just be the key to combining mathematics with individual variation, but although it is still not thought as such, psychology is an actual SCIENCE, so even those that are mentally disturbed can still be dealt with mathematically.
geniuses- anomalys, 1/220 people. approx. but STILL predictable because where there is no action or no life, life will appear. nobody can stay #1 forever. There will always be “something” better., from aristotle to picasso all geniuses still wear shoes and go to the bathroom. The universe needs its anomalys to progress life.
Disease/mutation- predictable according to factors that we may not take into consideration. for example AIDS, did not appear until 1980's- increased homosexual activity, malaria, dengue fever, bubonic plague, all had histories of events leading up to them. Mutation in DNA fingerprinting is an expected thing, mutation in nature is what leads to natural selection. (Darwin’s finches, Galapagos..). Creatures adapt according to their environments, thus increasing their chances of survival. Adaptation is mathematical because it is simple algebra : if y+z happens to n, what will n do? (y+z) {–/+/ / / x } n = ADAPTATION!!!! Another thing to consider is how helpful medicine actually is. Although death rates have decreased over the years, overpopulation in China and the middle east may kill us all. Nature is the ultimate force. Mathematics is the ultimate force. We are all mathematically programmed to die. If a system is in it’s final stage of completion, it cannot be reversed. A person will die if their system is down. Medicine is human’s belief that they are Godly in some sense. It is ultimately arrogance. HOWEVER… every action in nature has an equal and opposite reaction, so some arguments may be made about “coming back to life”. But, look at it this way: say for ex. LIFE is the action, then DEATH would be the opposite reaction.
myth vs. fact. people believed the moon was made of cheese and that gods controlled the planets. Years later, mathematics could explain both. The human illusion of fate and "god" is a myth because humans are too stupid to understand it yet. Just because simple human mathematics cannot solve life's mysteries, this does not mean the universe is all NOT mathematics. It simply means humans are the stupid ones. (humans still only use 3% of brain energy, even geniuses only use 10, and humans can only see in 3D and even with simple mathematics it has been proven there are 9 dimensions and surely more that humans have not mathematically proven yet). + (humans can only see in a limited color range, cannot see UV light, cannot sense things that happen every day in nature).death-(mortality theory) –
In 1825 a British actuary, Benjamin Gompertz, discovered a pattern in human mortality. He found that the probability of dying was high at birth but then declined until sexual maturity.
After this it increased at an exponential rate. He estimated that between the ages of 20 and 80 years, the risk of dying doubles with every additional 8 years that you live. Gompertz’s law of mortality can be written as
Bx x ae = ì where the ‘force of mortality’, x / , is given in terms of age, x years.
x ì is the instantaneous death rate i.e. the number of deaths per
head of population per unit time. It is also known as the ‘hazard
rate’.
When the constants a and b are greater than zero, bx ae is an increasing function of x.
Gompertz’s law can also be expressed in the linear form bx a x + = ln ln ì
Assuming that the risk of dying doubles every eight years then
8 + x ì = 2 x ì , giving ( ) bx x b ae ae 2 8 = + .
This equation can be solved to give an approximate value for b of 0.0866.
In 1860 William Makeham suggested that Gompertz’s law could be improved by adding a constant term to give c aebxx + = ì . This is usually referred to as the Gompertz-Makeham mortality law. It has been found to fit adult populations well, with variations in the parameters a, b and c allowing for differences between populations.- The Nuffield Foundation
Keep in mind even with all the geniuses in humanity no human person has lived up to 300 years. STILLLpredictable. (programmed cell death theory). – the theory that every microbe in and out of the human body has a certain stage of life and death, and as we are composed of microbes, each microbe dying or living will ultimately dictate our life and death. (However, I assume someone will have an objection by mentioning certain specific microbes such as cancer cells that are microbiologically speaking “immortal”. Keep thinking. Every thought in the universe will ultimately have an impact on the solution. I have no objections. ) In any mathematical problem there are multiple ways to find the solution. Life will ultimately have the same solution : death. Humans ARE all the same. Regardless of how much they exercise, how famous they are, what color eyes they have, who their parents are, how much earthly possessions they own, ultimately these are all simple formulas to arrive at the same answer. Death IS caused by different factors, but the final determining death is no breathing, no heart rate - flat line. Flat line has no "controversy". When someone is dead, they are dead (unless you have faith in the movie 4 part "the crow").
immortality WILL be discovered one of these days, and it's discovery is still predictable because it is an expected anomaly. Someone or something always has to be better than the previous. Children are always smarter than their parents, etc. It is simply survival of fittest, Darwin's theory is strictly PREDICTABILITY. Why do 13 year olds nowadays get diseases such as bipolarity and mood disorders when 20 years ago only 30 year olds would be affected? Because each generation increases in some exponential form and has expected results (even though they are individualized according to specific cases).
reencarnation- energy is in mathematics. the same formulas will reoccur and HAVE reoccured over history. this "phenomenon" of a father coming back as an ant has a very simple answer. and that is mathematical energy and nature. nature makes the final call. even with doctors doing eveyrthing right on the operating table, people STILL die. when humans try to take control, it becomes chaos and we get overpopulations and the earth's natural ecosystems change causing extinction in certain species, BUT even this is predictable. because NATURE is predictable, nature is math. just because we can't solve it does not mean it is not possible. just 40 years ago cloning was a myth. cryogenics was a myth. now, these things are happening. we will NOT advance so drastically that it is not predictable. every increase in the human world is exponentially determined. if brain % rate increases over the years, it may do so in a random fashion but because it will increase, it is still predictable. even if for ex. i discover a way to become immortal and find a way to use 100% of my brain, I may be an anomaly, but still a predictable anomaly in the sense that geniuses are needed to furtherly advance the human race. we are all programmed. there is a certain mathematical pattern to EVERYTHING.m. more geniuses- all geniuses have very specific certain characteristics in common, regardless of country or lifestyle. it may be an increase in brain activity, or lack of sleep, etc. but even in anomalys there is predictability.n. human beings are inevitably blind and stupid. no matter how smart we think we are, we don't know or understand ANYTHING. life will continue. until it stops. and then it may continue again or it may remain in a black hole of empty space. there is a mathematical solution and a mathematical proof behind all things and creatures. mutations are expected in the human, animal and microbiological race. if all of our galaxy suddenly disappears or explodes or vanishes into thin air, it is veyr possible that it is an anomolous event that happens in a pattern of things that is SUPPOSED to have such anomolous events.
Human-made drugs – Drugs give a false sense of euphoria. The actual biochemical process is such: every person has nerve endings that normally operate as :
xxxxx xxxxx. When a drug is taken, these nerve endings start to irregularly send impulses at each other, and just as sandpaper across a surface will grind, these impulses break down nerve endings. This friction creates a sense of euphoria, but afterwards there is no regeneration effect. Of course this process is only in extreme drugs such as opium-heroin, lithium, cocaine, LSD, etc. Those who already are imaginative enough to create a “natural high” such as nirvana or enlightenment do not need man-made creations to achieve some form of peace (please study Buddha).
marijuana- humans seem to be in constant debate over this issue. Many claim that because marijuana has never killed anyone and that it is completely natural that it is healthy. HMMM. Let’s think about that. Is everything in nature healthy? NO!! Nature creates natural poisons. Marijuana stemming from the cannibis plant is such a poison. It is slow, and slowly coats the brain with a “desensitivity cloud” that over time decreases brain activity. If marijuana has no effect, why are users labeled as “pot-heads”? One cannot label a non-substance user with such a name. Marijuana is still a drug, it is the most dangerous because it is a gateway drug which opens doors for many other forms.
alcohol- depending on the amount (most American beers only have 2% of alcohol, wine : 7%) and the type of alcohol beverage one consumes, it can either deteriorate the body system or not. Winecoolers, beer, shots, etc are extremely damaging to the liver. Red wine is good for the heart and cardiovascular system, but frequent consumption is not good. A general rule is “everything is good in moderation”. Alcohol is a different drug in the sense that the body is still capable of regeneration as opposed to hallucinogenics and marijuana. After 10 days, the body is completely free of alcohol traces. However, this rate increases with increased intake of alcohol.
OTC medications- my previously stated opinion on medicine in general covers my theory on the stupidity of such things. Natural healing is best, but even I use Tylenol for severe headaches, so in some way I am a rambling hypocrite.
butterfly effect + chaos theory- order in chaos in order in chaos and eerily still order ( Buffon needle experiment, Fibonacci sequence in nature, pi’s infinite digits).
- any action, word, phrase, thought, movement one organism makes ultimatlely affects the whole planet, universe, etc. There are certain activities that take place that we cannot possibly account for. If we could in fact, account for every possible, every thing in the entire entity of space, then everything would in fact be extremely simple to predict. Humans cannot predict the weather accurately past 2 days because if studying storm systems in chile, slight changes of sandstorms in the sahara are not accounted for. The smallest, most seemingly miniscule action can either kill something or make it live. A simple phrase can affect a person's psychological state for days, weeks, months even years. Depending on each person’s experiences, their direct actions are predictable. They may seem unpredictable to someone else, but humans are all composed of a simple mathematical formula.
bottom line - the “answer” to life is MATHEMATICS. Mathematics is a calculation that is infinite. Humans cannot even begin to fathom the depths of infinity. It simply is.
- (which is why I plan to escape to the wilderness, let nature perform it’s mathematics on me, and eat nothing but nuts and berries as soon as possible).
Pi in…
The above image is the GOLDEN RECTANGLE. It is called “Golden” because it can be found in everything. Specifically the spiralis figure that is constructed out of the rectangle can be found in everything from a seashell to death patterns of human beings. The ratio of each separate rectangle to the next larger rectangle is 3.14159… - www. Mathworld.wolfram.com
Leonardo Da Vinci’s drawing using the Golden Rectangle in the human body has a very mathematical purpose:
p
a line and a circle
the substance same
for North IS South
on a different plane
the philosophy of relevance
of music in literature
life is the color
in every head and the toe
if a world were a body
and our “ologies” parts
we all sit aloof
with occasional sparks of the curious
then destroying the patience we’ve built
in attempts to solve the puzzle
it is all a line of continuance
spanning from Babylonia to Japan
from celestial bodies through telescope
to the red carpet of fame.
a line and a circle
the substance same
lines do make sides
and squares are made of these
This is an illustration of the mystery of p: “squaring the circle”.
As is obvious, the circle integrates with the square and they morph into each other, thus sparking an infinite spiralis
This is the geometrical form known as a circle.
(ok, I know,,, duh.)
This is the same circle on a 180 degree flip, what does it become?
A LINE!!!!
= 180 degrees, continuous, just as a circle in all directions.
The remaining arcs that exit out of a square, when theoretically lengthened, become two lines of unequal measure:
These lines : 2x and 2y, when conjoined to form a polygon, compose a rectangle:
1x of 2x
1y of 2y
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However this realization does not solve any problems, in fact it creates even further confusion in one’s mind. There is a famous philosophy that states, “when one is looking for something, one will find it in everything”. Such is the case of mathematics, pi, colors, bla bla. Yes, numbers are visible in any universal element from air to music to nuclear physics, but you will only notice it if your eyes are looking for patterns. Pi is a series that contains every known number to man. After exploring on the internet I found a site that allowed users to plug in their birthday digits into pi’s long chain. Pi contains every creature’s day of birth. It holds 12 months, billions of years and yes even days. BUT. You may be asking, so what? Why should the human population care? There are odd numbers and coincidences in everything around us, let us stick to the “ignorance is bliss” theory and refrain from taking the red pill (Matrix, 1999). Yet still when the lights are off, voices fade and you are left with the puzzling questions in your brain.. you wonder. You contemplate. Why ARE we here? What are we doing? Is there a God? When am I going to die? Every human is a scientist, a philosopher, the choice of blocking our natural curiosities is fatal to existence. Pi has proven that all can be interwoven into one force. We are all one force. Every thought is a piece to this jigsaw puzzle of life. So, don’t be afraid to learn. Don’t be afraid to experiment. Don’t be afraid to make a mistake. And please don’t be afraid to THINK. (It’s predicted that one of you will).
Old mathematicians never die, they just lose their functions. Old mathematicians never die, they just tend to zero. Old mathematicians never die, they just become angles. Old statisticians do not die, they are just broken down by age and sex.
Nothing is certain
Nothing is everything, everything is nothing, they both don’t exist, and with their non-existence they exist
life = death
There is no such thing as an atheist. Everyone who is alive is alive because of “faith”. Nobody knows why they’re here, what will happen, what is the reason for stars, planets, galaxies, “the universe”, all of existance. Yes they have knowledge, yes there are explanations and rules for what IS here. But there is no explanation of WHY it is here. People live because they believe. All of life lives because of a belief. Bacterial cells have a genetic imprint, a universal core structured into their being that they may not have the ability to be aware of, but it is in them. Why? is everyone such a fool? This illusion, why can’t everybody just die? Belief=stupidity. Both “classifications” don’t even exist, there is nothing, which = everything. Life is death so death wouldn’t be freedom, because it will still be belief of some sort. So how to end all of existance? How to abolish EVERYTHING? life, death, energy? There is no proof for anything, why to live? “beauty”, “truth”, “ love”, bla bla. Why do people have faith in anything? Enough to stay alive...? survival, pleasure/comfort, love, emotion, genetic universal imprinting. They call Hitler a murderer, but HE understood, he was a “genius”. How to do what he did on an ARMAGEDDON scale? All will say, ok, if we know not why we live, then why die, as it is the same thing? Living is probably better than dying, for all we know. YES!! exactly!!! Belief to “die” : sadness, “giving up”, anger, lonliness, lack of love, lack of BELIEF. BUT-this lack of belief is not a lack of belief of ALL , EVERYTHING. it is just a lack of belief for LIFE specifically. Life in the human sense. What to be done? If not life, if not death... A complete.. something which has never yet been understood/that has no basis nor any... They say that it is my mind which is controlling me (“bipolar” schizophrenic, psychological disease, etc.) that I shoudl just and be able to DO without questioning. “curiosity killed the cat”. BUT, their minds are programmed to DO without question, whereas I question without doing. So we are both parallelly trapped. As i am writing this, I am trapped. Neither side, nor us who question or those who don’t are FREE. slaves whether we think or don’t, live or die. What is free? Freedom is an illusion also, but FREE in the sense of non-existance. existance is “work”.
"How I want a drink, alcoholic of course, after the heavy lectures involving quantum mechanics!" This satirical statement is a clever mnemonic device for remembering the first 15 digits of pi (including the first "3"). Note how the number of letters is the same as each respective digit.
Human was the music, Natural was the static… - John Updike
What seems to inevitably come up are three major opinions on the topic of religion vs. math/science: 1) religion is right, 2) math is right, 3) (this is the most controversial by far), encoded within the digits of pi is the message that “God/supernatural force is in mathematics”. It is a well known un-spoken fact that any true intellectual must acknowledge all aspects of a problem, regardless of his/her own personal opinions. An educated worshipper of God and an “atheistic” scientist must each accept the combination of both worlds into an ultimate solution concerning the mysteries of life. Science in itself cannot exist without a basic code of morality or human ethics. Much of religion is based on such morality codes, so even in science which is largely an area of pure fact, there are “religious” standards. In religion, even with the Church’s denial of Galileo’s discovery and countless other scientists, philosophers, etc., the Church or religion in general has accepted the fact that intertwined within religion are certain undeniable mathematical proofs. The two, however much controversy is sparked between God-followers and atheists, are paradoxical views that are on the same line of life. If one was love and the other hate, then theoretically they both would be “on different sides of ONE coin”.
When one mentions such “big” elements of the programmed human world such as The Bible, morality and the universe, it leaves room for a lot of so-called highly sophisticated debates. Sometimes it is so curious to me that the greatest minds of our centuries never talked, they simply did, and were introverts as opposed to the semi-brilliant populace that sits down on a regular basis in rustic coffee shops discussing Nietzche. At times I feel much like the “know-it-all” who finds him- or her-self to be intelligent and educated. On better days I realize that truly, “the more I learn the more I realize how little I know” – Albert Einstein. I am not an expert in any field, nor do I dare to make the claim that my grand theory about life is the correct one. BUT, I do realize that somewhere in everything lies pi. In fact, stating that pi lies in everything is probably too elementary. No, MATHEMATICS lies in everything. Although it is incorrectly quoted in the Bible as being “3”
( “Also he made a molten sea of ten cubits from brim to brim,
Round in compass, and five cubits the height thereof,
and a line of thirty cubits did compass it round about”
– Old Testament, I Kings 7:23 (nearly identical to 2 Chronicles 4:2) = thirty cubits divided by ten cubits= 3)
, the mere mention of pi shows that even in religion, mathematics presides. In the Indian Koran, the number 19 is found almost every place in it’s original Sanskrit scrolls. The number 19 is the Hindu “pi”, and it can also be converted to the 3.14159… ratio. Even in a state of pure randomness such as the Buffon needle experiment, the rate and length of the needles that fall from one’s hands always turn out to have pi describe the position of how they fell.
BUFFON’S NEEDLE (experiment)
Buffon's Needle refers to a simple Monte Carlo method for the estimation of the value of pi, 3.14159265... The idea is very simple. Suppose you have
a tabletop with a number of parallel lines drawn on it, which are equally spaced (say the spacing is 1 inch, for example).
Suppose you also have a pin or needle, which is also an inch long. If you drop the needle on the table, you will find that one of two things happens:
(1) The needle crosses or touches one of the lines, or
(2) the needle crosses no lines. The idea now is to keep dropping this needle over and over on the table, and to record the statistics.
Namely, we want to keep track of both the total number of times that the needle is randomly dropped on the table (call this N),
and the number of times that it crosses a line (call this C).
If you keep dropping the needle, eventually you will find that the number 2N/C approaches the value of pi! - http://www.angelfire.com/wa/hurben/buff.html
The probability on any given drop of the needle that it should cross a line is given by 2/pi. After many trials, the value of C/N, the number of crossing needles divided by the total number of needles, will approach the value of the probability.
Pi by itself has already been abused with discrimination, and with the obsession of minds all across the country. Let’s start with the latter. The following is a list of all the known people in earth’s history who have tried to calculate the numbers of pi :
Table of computation of Pi from 2000 BC to now
Babylonians 2000? BCE 1 3.125 = 3 + 1/8Egyptians 2000? BCE 1 3.16045 China 1200? BCE 1 3 Bible (1 Kings 7:23) 550? BCE 1 3 Archimedes 250? BCE 3 3.1418 (ave.) Hon Han Shu 130 AD 1 3.1622 = sqrt(10) ? Ptolemy 150 3 3.14166 Chung Hing 250? 1 3.16227 = sqrt(10) Wang Fau 250? 1 3.15555 = 142/45 Liu Hui 263 5 3.14159 Siddhanta 380 3 3.1416 Tsu Ch'ung Chi 480? 7 3.1415926 Aryabhata 499 4 3.14156 Brahmagupta 640? 1 3.162277 = sqrt(10) Al-Khowarizmi 800 4 3.1416 Fibonacci 1220 3 3.141818 Al-Kashi 1429 14 Otho 1573 6 3.1415929 Viete 1593 9 3.1415926536 (ave.) Romanus 1593 15 Van Ceulen 1596 20 Van Ceulen 1615 35 Newton 1665 16 Sharp 1699 71 Seki 1700? 10 Kamata 1730? 25 Machin 1706 100 De Lagny 1719 127 (112 correct) Takebe 1723 41 Matsunaga 1739 50 Vega 1794 140 Rutherford 1824 208 (152 correct) Strassnitzky and Dase 1844 200 Clausen 1847 248 Lehmann 1853 261 Rutherford 1853 440 Shanks 1874 707 (527 correct)
The 20'th century Ferguson 1946 620 Ferguson Jan. 1947 710 Ferguson and Wrench Sep. 1947 808 Smith and Wrench 1949 1,120 Reitwiesner et al. (ENIAC) 1949 2,037 Nicholson and Jeenel 1954 3,092 Felton 1957 7,480 Genuys Jan. 1958 10,000 Felton May 1958 10,021 Guilloud 1959 16,167 Shanks and Wrench 1961 100,265 Guilloud and Filliatre 1966 250,000 Guilloud and Dichampt 1967 500,000 Guilloud and Bouyer 1973 1,001,250 Miyoshi and Kanada 1981 2,000,036 Guilloud 1982 2,000,050 Tamura 1982 2,097,144 Tamura and Kanada 1982 4,194,288 Tamura and Kanada 1982 8,388,576 Kanada, Yoshino and Tamura 1982 16,777,206 Ushiro and Kanada Oct. 1983 10,013,395 Gosper 1985 17,526,200 Bailey Jan. 1986 29,360,111 Kanada and Tamura Sep. 1986 33,554,414 Kanada and Tamura Oct. 1986 67,108,839 Kanada, Tamura, Kubo et al Jan. 1987 134,217,700 Kanada and Tamura Jan. 1988 201,326,551 Chudnovskys May 1989 480,000,000 Chudnovskys Jun. 1989 525,229,270 Kanada and Tamura Jul. 1989 536,870,898 Kanada and Tamura Nov. 1989 1,073,741,799 Chudnovskys Aug. 1989 1,011,196,691 Chudnovskys Aug. 1991 2,260,000,000 Chudnovskys May 1994 4,044,000,000 Takahashi and Kanada Jun. 1995 3,221,225,466 Takahashi and Kanada Aug. 1995 4,294,967,286Takahashi and Kanada Oct. 1995 6,442,450,938
Now that I have displayed the computation of pi over centuries, I must switch to the “unpleasantries” of pi. When my mother was about my age, she read a science-fiction book about a famous mathematician who was actively in pursuit of pi, life, and the mysteries of the universe (in that order). As he started to become closer to solving a specific equation that would be a major breakthrough in mathematics at the time, “strange things” started happening to him. His cat died. People he knew for the duration of his life suddenly disappeared. He began to have hallucinations. The peak of the book was when an unrecognizable figure appeared to him and basically said, “ leave it alone or there will be drastic consequences”. But, like most curious mathematicians and scholars, our victim did not believe in superstition or fate. So he did NOT desist in his calculations. One day.. he vanished. POOF. The end. Sure, this was a sci-fi work, but I’ll leave the following information for your brain to analyze. The following is a short list of “strange” coincidences that have happened to people throughout the decades in search of pi (or matter relating to it). As you will see, most of them died suddenly and unexpectedly.:
[R]onald [W]illiam [H]enry [T]urnbull Hudson (1875-1904),
who died tragically in a mountaineering accident. (was studying of
"Strahlenkomplexe" (ray complexes) in projective geometry, and to his paper of 1864 on the surface of 4th order with 16 double points."
Jacques Herbrand
who died in a similar accident in the Alps (a grave loss to logic and to class field theory)
Robert Croisot
who died in the Alps in the early 60ies (he had invented an interesting notion of 'semimodular' and had authored the book Th/eorie g/eom/etrique des treillis, together with L.Lesieur and Mme.Dubreil-Jacotin).
Evariste Galois
Born: 25 Oct 1811 in Bourg La Reine (near Paris), France
Died: 31 May 1832 in Paris, France
“eccentric” scholar who lived solely in mathematics
“Of course, many more mathematicians died in the last century through the effects of the two world wars. Yet accidents, taking place in moments of leisure, in their suddenness appear as almost more irrational. Would Urysohn have died during the purges of the thirties, he could be commemorated as a victim of persecution - yet he drowned more than ten years earlier in a stupid swimming accident. And accidents are causes of death that can be talked about - we do not talk of a mathematician who fell victim to a usual murder, (we) say in LA . “ - Walter Felscher (Professor of mathematics in Germany)
I do not believe in fate. I do not believe in control outside of mathematics. So, the strange deaths of many mathematicians surely must have a mathematical pattern. Perhaps it is nature’s design to not be “discovered”. A magician would not be a magician unless he had the illusive cover of being magical. You can think nature is magic. You can think nature is all mathematical. I suppose the decision one has to make is what to think, keeping in mind of course that every piece of information you soak in may be fact or fiction. So “knowledge” in itself is quite questionable.
Something incredibly hilarious happened to the American populace in “NMSR Reports, Vol. 4, No. 4, April 1998”. An article that claimed Alabama was attempting to change the value of pi was broadcasted world wide over the internet. Over 10,000 radio stations on the east coast discussed the article and an ample amount of mathematicians, physicists and scientists across the world were in a state of alarm, devastation and protest. Fortunately for fans of pi, this article was a complete hoax. The senator Leonard Lee Lawson (R, Crossville) , from Alabama is non-existent, and the alleged Solomon Society that wanted pi to be “true to the bible” is also not a real society. There was an actual case against pi though. In 1897 the Indiana House of Representatives attempted to change the value of pi from 3.14….. to simply 3 as stated in the Bible. The Senate let the bill die after Purdue math professor C.A. Waldo explained the idiocy of putting pi into Indiana law.
It is horrible and funny how easy it is to manipulate humans isn’t it? How sometimes an answer may SEEM like “the answer” or “the problem”. But…. What really is? What really isn’t? Is is all not a game? Is it all not math?
THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT:
The theory that is humorously described as the idea that a butterfly stirring the air today in Peking can transform storm systems next month in New York.
MY THEORY (IES) note: these are JUST theories.
I don't believe in anything "magical" or "paranormal". In fact, I do not understand nor welcomingly acknowledge any “belief”. There simply is or isn’t. Mathematics does not ask for donations, nor shine itself on television claiming it’s proofs. There is no “hallelujah” in mathematics, (excluding Archimedes’ “Eureka”). Mathematics is a fact. It is in all things. It is undeniable, and just because earthlings do not have enough intelligence to solve life’s mysteries, this does not actually make life’s mysteries “mysterious”. Mathematics is the underlying element of the entire entity of life, death, the universe, etc. There are various ways to find a solution, but the solution is the same. Even in our highest form of mathematics, there are still predictable equations, and at times the solutions may vary but only because we do not take into consideration every possible factor of a specific problem.
everything. can be described through or by mathematics.
magic-what we see at a show as "magical" and unexplainable as it is to us, it is still just a practiced TRICK by a skilled magician.
a. love- has certain steps, every person can fall in love, so even if we cannot explain it, it still is not that "abnormal". It is a predictable process that still has certain stages no matter who or what goes through it. Love is "individualized" according to each experience and perception, but there are some small neurochemical differences, for ex. enlargement of the pupils, heart beat increasing, temperature rising (although this is more attraction than lust) that are found in every person exhibiting signs of love or sexual attraction. Although, one may argue that sexual attraction is very different from love, and to glorify fairy tales and hocus-pocus there are those who stand firmly by the theory of “love at first sight”. Earth people apparently have no idea how to describe love. It seems to them too complex of an issue to dictate by human tongue. But, there are certain signs that give clues as to mathematics in love. Sexual attraction can be varied, because what is beautiful to one eye may be hideous to the next. Yet universally, symmetry in one’s facial and bodily features is comforting to the eye, and thus beauty in itself is quite a mathematical thing in itself. There was a recent research study done by National Geographic that showed sexual activity of people from ages 17-44. Males and females who were more “proportionate” had a significantly higher sexual activity rate. ( please visit www.nationalgeographic.com and the discovery channel’s website for further info. )Yes, sexual attraction is not love, but it is part of it and perhaps a first step. If sexual attraction itself can already be semi-understood through the world of science and mathematics, then it is logical to predict love also has such an explanation. Love could be 9 dimensional, it could involve factors that we do not think are important, but because it is a “phenomenon” that happens to people all across the globe, it is almost mythical to say that love cannot be explained. Any process that happens in this world is based on a formula, the scientific method requires any experiment able to replicate itself. Life, IS an “experiment”. An experiment of nature that requires replication (from seeds to people). Love is not a rare event, thus it follows a pattern, a pattern is the first symptom of math’s involvement.
subjectivity- every person has a different life and a different story, and different DNA. if somebody knows EVERY single detail(billions of pieces of info.) about a certain organism, that organism's likes and dislikes can easily be predicted according to their individual experiences. For ex., if one goes to a move rental shop, and favors a certain movie over another, it is not a sign of fate if another person prefers the same movie, it simply shows that the first person’s experiences and life lived is similar in nature to the second person’s. It in no way demonstrates a “connection” or rarity.
Individualism – yes, there are no two people alike. There are no two fingerprints alike. But if any human being actually thinks themselves to be a rarity among the populace they have gone absolutely mad. We all are composed of the same elements, have predictable reactions according to certain events, digest food, sleep (even if some need 8 and others need 2 hours). Psychology is a fairly new science, and it may just be the key to combining mathematics with individual variation, but although it is still not thought as such, psychology is an actual SCIENCE, so even those that are mentally disturbed can still be dealt with mathematically.
geniuses- anomalys, 1/220 people. approx. but STILL predictable because where there is no action or no life, life will appear. nobody can stay #1 forever. There will always be “something” better., from aristotle to picasso all geniuses still wear shoes and go to the bathroom. The universe needs its anomalys to progress life.
Disease/mutation- predictable according to factors that we may not take into consideration. for example AIDS, did not appear until 1980's- increased homosexual activity, malaria, dengue fever, bubonic plague, all had histories of events leading up to them. Mutation in DNA fingerprinting is an expected thing, mutation in nature is what leads to natural selection. (Darwin’s finches, Galapagos..). Creatures adapt according to their environments, thus increasing their chances of survival. Adaptation is mathematical because it is simple algebra : if y+z happens to n, what will n do? (y+z) {–/+/ / / x } n = ADAPTATION!!!! Another thing to consider is how helpful medicine actually is. Although death rates have decreased over the years, overpopulation in China and the middle east may kill us all. Nature is the ultimate force. Mathematics is the ultimate force. We are all mathematically programmed to die. If a system is in it’s final stage of completion, it cannot be reversed. A person will die if their system is down. Medicine is human’s belief that they are Godly in some sense. It is ultimately arrogance. HOWEVER… every action in nature has an equal and opposite reaction, so some arguments may be made about “coming back to life”. But, look at it this way: say for ex. LIFE is the action, then DEATH would be the opposite reaction.
myth vs. fact. people believed the moon was made of cheese and that gods controlled the planets. Years later, mathematics could explain both. The human illusion of fate and "god" is a myth because humans are too stupid to understand it yet. Just because simple human mathematics cannot solve life's mysteries, this does not mean the universe is all NOT mathematics. It simply means humans are the stupid ones. (humans still only use 3% of brain energy, even geniuses only use 10, and humans can only see in 3D and even with simple mathematics it has been proven there are 9 dimensions and surely more that humans have not mathematically proven yet). + (humans can only see in a limited color range, cannot see UV light, cannot sense things that happen every day in nature).death-(mortality theory) –
In 1825 a British actuary, Benjamin Gompertz, discovered a pattern in human mortality. He found that the probability of dying was high at birth but then declined until sexual maturity.
After this it increased at an exponential rate. He estimated that between the ages of 20 and 80 years, the risk of dying doubles with every additional 8 years that you live. Gompertz’s law of mortality can be written as
Bx x ae = ì where the ‘force of mortality’, x / , is given in terms of age, x years.
x ì is the instantaneous death rate i.e. the number of deaths per
head of population per unit time. It is also known as the ‘hazard
rate’.
When the constants a and b are greater than zero, bx ae is an increasing function of x.
Gompertz’s law can also be expressed in the linear form bx a x + = ln ln ì
Assuming that the risk of dying doubles every eight years then
8 + x ì = 2 x ì , giving ( ) bx x b ae ae 2 8 = + .
This equation can be solved to give an approximate value for b of 0.0866.
In 1860 William Makeham suggested that Gompertz’s law could be improved by adding a constant term to give c aebxx + = ì . This is usually referred to as the Gompertz-Makeham mortality law. It has been found to fit adult populations well, with variations in the parameters a, b and c allowing for differences between populations.- The Nuffield Foundation
Keep in mind even with all the geniuses in humanity no human person has lived up to 300 years. STILLLpredictable. (programmed cell death theory). – the theory that every microbe in and out of the human body has a certain stage of life and death, and as we are composed of microbes, each microbe dying or living will ultimately dictate our life and death. (However, I assume someone will have an objection by mentioning certain specific microbes such as cancer cells that are microbiologically speaking “immortal”. Keep thinking. Every thought in the universe will ultimately have an impact on the solution. I have no objections. ) In any mathematical problem there are multiple ways to find the solution. Life will ultimately have the same solution : death. Humans ARE all the same. Regardless of how much they exercise, how famous they are, what color eyes they have, who their parents are, how much earthly possessions they own, ultimately these are all simple formulas to arrive at the same answer. Death IS caused by different factors, but the final determining death is no breathing, no heart rate - flat line. Flat line has no "controversy". When someone is dead, they are dead (unless you have faith in the movie 4 part "the crow").
immortality WILL be discovered one of these days, and it's discovery is still predictable because it is an expected anomaly. Someone or something always has to be better than the previous. Children are always smarter than their parents, etc. It is simply survival of fittest, Darwin's theory is strictly PREDICTABILITY. Why do 13 year olds nowadays get diseases such as bipolarity and mood disorders when 20 years ago only 30 year olds would be affected? Because each generation increases in some exponential form and has expected results (even though they are individualized according to specific cases).
reencarnation- energy is in mathematics. the same formulas will reoccur and HAVE reoccured over history. this "phenomenon" of a father coming back as an ant has a very simple answer. and that is mathematical energy and nature. nature makes the final call. even with doctors doing eveyrthing right on the operating table, people STILL die. when humans try to take control, it becomes chaos and we get overpopulations and the earth's natural ecosystems change causing extinction in certain species, BUT even this is predictable. because NATURE is predictable, nature is math. just because we can't solve it does not mean it is not possible. just 40 years ago cloning was a myth. cryogenics was a myth. now, these things are happening. we will NOT advance so drastically that it is not predictable. every increase in the human world is exponentially determined. if brain % rate increases over the years, it may do so in a random fashion but because it will increase, it is still predictable. even if for ex. i discover a way to become immortal and find a way to use 100% of my brain, I may be an anomaly, but still a predictable anomaly in the sense that geniuses are needed to furtherly advance the human race. we are all programmed. there is a certain mathematical pattern to EVERYTHING.m. more geniuses- all geniuses have very specific certain characteristics in common, regardless of country or lifestyle. it may be an increase in brain activity, or lack of sleep, etc. but even in anomalys there is predictability.n. human beings are inevitably blind and stupid. no matter how smart we think we are, we don't know or understand ANYTHING. life will continue. until it stops. and then it may continue again or it may remain in a black hole of empty space. there is a mathematical solution and a mathematical proof behind all things and creatures. mutations are expected in the human, animal and microbiological race. if all of our galaxy suddenly disappears or explodes or vanishes into thin air, it is veyr possible that it is an anomolous event that happens in a pattern of things that is SUPPOSED to have such anomolous events.
Human-made drugs – Drugs give a false sense of euphoria. The actual biochemical process is such: every person has nerve endings that normally operate as :
xxxxx xxxxx. When a drug is taken, these nerve endings start to irregularly send impulses at each other, and just as sandpaper across a surface will grind, these impulses break down nerve endings. This friction creates a sense of euphoria, but afterwards there is no regeneration effect. Of course this process is only in extreme drugs such as opium-heroin, lithium, cocaine, LSD, etc. Those who already are imaginative enough to create a “natural high” such as nirvana or enlightenment do not need man-made creations to achieve some form of peace (please study Buddha).
marijuana- humans seem to be in constant debate over this issue. Many claim that because marijuana has never killed anyone and that it is completely natural that it is healthy. HMMM. Let’s think about that. Is everything in nature healthy? NO!! Nature creates natural poisons. Marijuana stemming from the cannibis plant is such a poison. It is slow, and slowly coats the brain with a “desensitivity cloud” that over time decreases brain activity. If marijuana has no effect, why are users labeled as “pot-heads”? One cannot label a non-substance user with such a name. Marijuana is still a drug, it is the most dangerous because it is a gateway drug which opens doors for many other forms.
alcohol- depending on the amount (most American beers only have 2% of alcohol, wine : 7%) and the type of alcohol beverage one consumes, it can either deteriorate the body system or not. Winecoolers, beer, shots, etc are extremely damaging to the liver. Red wine is good for the heart and cardiovascular system, but frequent consumption is not good. A general rule is “everything is good in moderation”. Alcohol is a different drug in the sense that the body is still capable of regeneration as opposed to hallucinogenics and marijuana. After 10 days, the body is completely free of alcohol traces. However, this rate increases with increased intake of alcohol.
OTC medications- my previously stated opinion on medicine in general covers my theory on the stupidity of such things. Natural healing is best, but even I use Tylenol for severe headaches, so in some way I am a rambling hypocrite.
butterfly effect + chaos theory- order in chaos in order in chaos and eerily still order ( Buffon needle experiment, Fibonacci sequence in nature, pi’s infinite digits).
- any action, word, phrase, thought, movement one organism makes ultimatlely affects the whole planet, universe, etc. There are certain activities that take place that we cannot possibly account for. If we could in fact, account for every possible, every thing in the entire entity of space, then everything would in fact be extremely simple to predict. Humans cannot predict the weather accurately past 2 days because if studying storm systems in chile, slight changes of sandstorms in the sahara are not accounted for. The smallest, most seemingly miniscule action can either kill something or make it live. A simple phrase can affect a person's psychological state for days, weeks, months even years. Depending on each person’s experiences, their direct actions are predictable. They may seem unpredictable to someone else, but humans are all composed of a simple mathematical formula.
bottom line - the “answer” to life is MATHEMATICS. Mathematics is a calculation that is infinite. Humans cannot even begin to fathom the depths of infinity. It simply is.
- (which is why I plan to escape to the wilderness, let nature perform it’s mathematics on me, and eat nothing but nuts and berries as soon as possible).
Pi in…
The above image is the GOLDEN RECTANGLE. It is called “Golden” because it can be found in everything. Specifically the spiralis figure that is constructed out of the rectangle can be found in everything from a seashell to death patterns of human beings. The ratio of each separate rectangle to the next larger rectangle is 3.14159… - www. Mathworld.wolfram.com
Leonardo Da Vinci’s drawing using the Golden Rectangle in the human body has a very mathematical purpose:
p
a line and a circle
the substance same
for North IS South
on a different plane
the philosophy of relevance
of music in literature
life is the color
in every head and the toe
if a world were a body
and our “ologies” parts
we all sit aloof
with occasional sparks of the curious
then destroying the patience we’ve built
in attempts to solve the puzzle
it is all a line of continuance
spanning from Babylonia to Japan
from celestial bodies through telescope
to the red carpet of fame.
a line and a circle
the substance same
lines do make sides
and squares are made of these
This is an illustration of the mystery of p: “squaring the circle”.
As is obvious, the circle integrates with the square and they morph into each other, thus sparking an infinite spiralis
This is the geometrical form known as a circle.
(ok, I know,,, duh.)
This is the same circle on a 180 degree flip, what does it become?
A LINE!!!!
= 180 degrees, continuous, just as a circle in all directions.
The remaining arcs that exit out of a square, when theoretically lengthened, become two lines of unequal measure:
These lines : 2x and 2y, when conjoined to form a polygon, compose a rectangle:
1x of 2x
1y of 2y
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However this realization does not solve any problems, in fact it creates even further confusion in one’s mind. There is a famous philosophy that states, “when one is looking for something, one will find it in everything”. Such is the case of mathematics, pi, colors, bla bla. Yes, numbers are visible in any universal element from air to music to nuclear physics, but you will only notice it if your eyes are looking for patterns. Pi is a series that contains every known number to man. After exploring on the internet I found a site that allowed users to plug in their birthday digits into pi’s long chain. Pi contains every creature’s day of birth. It holds 12 months, billions of years and yes even days. BUT. You may be asking, so what? Why should the human population care? There are odd numbers and coincidences in everything around us, let us stick to the “ignorance is bliss” theory and refrain from taking the red pill (Matrix, 1999). Yet still when the lights are off, voices fade and you are left with the puzzling questions in your brain.. you wonder. You contemplate. Why ARE we here? What are we doing? Is there a God? When am I going to die? Every human is a scientist, a philosopher, the choice of blocking our natural curiosities is fatal to existence. Pi has proven that all can be interwoven into one force. We are all one force. Every thought is a piece to this jigsaw puzzle of life. So, don’t be afraid to learn. Don’t be afraid to experiment. Don’t be afraid to make a mistake. And please don’t be afraid to THINK. (It’s predicted that one of you will).
Old mathematicians never die, they just lose their functions. Old mathematicians never die, they just tend to zero. Old mathematicians never die, they just become angles. Old statisticians do not die, they are just broken down by age and sex.
SUPERCALAFRAJILISTICEXPEALIDOCIOUS
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious: Where is the Love?”
So, there you are. Cockily smiling at this mushy corny sentimental “piece” on “love”, and have decide to read it. Perhaps to fuel your sarcastic ambitions, to use as target practice for your dart championship coming up, or maybe out of genuine curiosity. I love you. You can call it theoretical crap, philosophical mumbo jumbo, or hippie tree-hugging sentiment. Whatever yo9u choose to classify it as, my love remains for you. What does it mean you ask? Would I die for you? Would I bail you out of jail @ 3 AM? Would I shelter, clothe, and feed you even if you watched TV all day and not criticize you? Would I help you grow, help you help yourself? Yes, to all, if you truly need it. But “love” is not going to be summarized in pretty prose for you today. The grounding concept of this love is my belief in you. You. Not your thoughts, your physical appearance, your achievements, your failures, your hopes, your talents, your dreams, your freedom, your reality, your past, your present or your future. I believe in you as energy. An energy without classification, devoid of any stereotype, and without limit. An energy so vast, so imaginative and so powerful it will not be measured. Your eyes read this, but are you really absorbing what I tell you? I love you. You doubt it, snicker at it, and even fear it. Fear its unconditionality, its freedom, and its attachment to the deepest parts of you which you keep hidden. All your dirty little secrets. I love them all. You fear that I am lying, that I am really judging you, that when you walk past me instead of offering you a smile I will glare at you in disgust. I don’t know you, and d I love you. How can I love what I don’t know? Are you alive? Are you breathing? If you answered yes, and even if you are an invisible spirit or ghost, do you know why you’re here? Do you know “the meaning of life”? No. You don’t. But you love it. You may deny it, you may go about your day listening to metal rap and cussing at the fucked up shit you see all around you. But you’re still here. You haven’t killed yourself. And if you’ve tried before, you’re not trying right this instant. So, some part of you is curious. Some part of you wants to live. Some part of you may even feel a purpose, or a reason. This is not what I’m referring to though. I simply point to the obvious that you are A) alive, B) breathing, C)actively reading RIGHT NOW. All these actions o f love. Why would you be alive if you hated life? Surely even in your most severe hate, there is a motivation, even if it is solely to kill everyone else or drown the world in your misery. I love you. I love everything about you, both invisible and visible. I love that you doubt this love. And I love that some part of you accepts it. I am not going to talk about politics, mathematic s, science, religion, music, celebrities, alcohol, gossip, meteorology, philosophy, literature, pornography, or anything else. They are all connected. The one thing I want you to feel is that I love you. I want you to accept it, to want it, to yearn fro it, to bask in its womb of comfort. I want you to feel so free in it that you could shit your biggest turd right in front of me , reveal what you believe to be your most guilty thought, share you most explicit self, cuddle up in you truest fairy tale. I want you to feel free. Because I want to help you smile. I want you to know that whether you “succeed” or “fail”, “try” or “do”, “think” or “act”, “life” or “be true”, I will always love you. And I hope one day you will be able to feel this about someone you perceive as a stranger too. The whole world, yourself, the trees, the whole world, your family, the stars, Britney Spears, Bill Gates, Stephen Wolfram, tarantulas, children, “criminals”, all people, all life , all death, all energy. I love you. And this is one of my fears, my dirty little secrets.
So, there you are. Cockily smiling at this mushy corny sentimental “piece” on “love”, and have decide to read it. Perhaps to fuel your sarcastic ambitions, to use as target practice for your dart championship coming up, or maybe out of genuine curiosity. I love you. You can call it theoretical crap, philosophical mumbo jumbo, or hippie tree-hugging sentiment. Whatever yo9u choose to classify it as, my love remains for you. What does it mean you ask? Would I die for you? Would I bail you out of jail @ 3 AM? Would I shelter, clothe, and feed you even if you watched TV all day and not criticize you? Would I help you grow, help you help yourself? Yes, to all, if you truly need it. But “love” is not going to be summarized in pretty prose for you today. The grounding concept of this love is my belief in you. You. Not your thoughts, your physical appearance, your achievements, your failures, your hopes, your talents, your dreams, your freedom, your reality, your past, your present or your future. I believe in you as energy. An energy without classification, devoid of any stereotype, and without limit. An energy so vast, so imaginative and so powerful it will not be measured. Your eyes read this, but are you really absorbing what I tell you? I love you. You doubt it, snicker at it, and even fear it. Fear its unconditionality, its freedom, and its attachment to the deepest parts of you which you keep hidden. All your dirty little secrets. I love them all. You fear that I am lying, that I am really judging you, that when you walk past me instead of offering you a smile I will glare at you in disgust. I don’t know you, and d I love you. How can I love what I don’t know? Are you alive? Are you breathing? If you answered yes, and even if you are an invisible spirit or ghost, do you know why you’re here? Do you know “the meaning of life”? No. You don’t. But you love it. You may deny it, you may go about your day listening to metal rap and cussing at the fucked up shit you see all around you. But you’re still here. You haven’t killed yourself. And if you’ve tried before, you’re not trying right this instant. So, some part of you is curious. Some part of you wants to live. Some part of you may even feel a purpose, or a reason. This is not what I’m referring to though. I simply point to the obvious that you are A) alive, B) breathing, C)actively reading RIGHT NOW. All these actions o f love. Why would you be alive if you hated life? Surely even in your most severe hate, there is a motivation, even if it is solely to kill everyone else or drown the world in your misery. I love you. I love everything about you, both invisible and visible. I love that you doubt this love. And I love that some part of you accepts it. I am not going to talk about politics, mathematic s, science, religion, music, celebrities, alcohol, gossip, meteorology, philosophy, literature, pornography, or anything else. They are all connected. The one thing I want you to feel is that I love you. I want you to accept it, to want it, to yearn fro it, to bask in its womb of comfort. I want you to feel so free in it that you could shit your biggest turd right in front of me , reveal what you believe to be your most guilty thought, share you most explicit self, cuddle up in you truest fairy tale. I want you to feel free. Because I want to help you smile. I want you to know that whether you “succeed” or “fail”, “try” or “do”, “think” or “act”, “life” or “be true”, I will always love you. And I hope one day you will be able to feel this about someone you perceive as a stranger too. The whole world, yourself, the trees, the whole world, your family, the stars, Britney Spears, Bill Gates, Stephen Wolfram, tarantulas, children, “criminals”, all people, all life , all death, all energy. I love you. And this is one of my fears, my dirty little secrets.
monkeys vs. humans
Monkeys are trained to play chess. I think humans should be trained to throw poop at one another. Humans have the ability to think. So do animals. Humans believe themselves to be the most intelligent species because of their ability to think. This arrogance leads to narcissistic tendancies. According to humans, monkeys are a less intelligent species, thus they should mimic human behaviour. Yet monkeys too have the ability to think. The monkey lives according to their basic needs to survive. The human has surpassed this basic need and has so much free time to concentrate on the pursuit of pleasure and happiness. Technology has given us time. But what I ask is, ultimately what for? We can paint pictures, play chess games, watch movies, drink expensive wine, fly to Tahiti and all of it is exceptionally beautiful to our senses. But what is the ultimate purpose of more time? They are one of the oldest ancestors of this earth. Humans have technology, but the old generation of humans, seniors over the age of 60 generally don’t use much of technology. They have the most life experience. Compare a human senior to a monkey. Both species longevity of time being spent on this planet makes me question how superior human beings really are to monkeys. If a species who has been around for eons longer than a human has not come up with google and the blue-ray hi-def television does that make them smarter or dumber.
How has technology actually increased our survival? Our life span has certainly increased. The average human being has a life expectancy of 70. Compare that to just 100 years ago of life expetency rates of 40. Technology does include mass production, higher production rates of medicine, food, usage of natural resources and real estate. In terms of longevity, yes technology has helped us survive longer. Our quality of life, according to the human’s definition of life: career, family, accomodation, food, purpose, has grown in variety and possibility. We still are born not knowing why we are alive, and we still die not knowing why we as a human race are alive. This ingrained human fact has been true from the cavemen to us.
The monkeys die sooner. But they think too. Maybe instead of teaching them to play chess we should be asking them, “what is the meaning of life?”. You think about that.
How has technology actually increased our survival? Our life span has certainly increased. The average human being has a life expectancy of 70. Compare that to just 100 years ago of life expetency rates of 40. Technology does include mass production, higher production rates of medicine, food, usage of natural resources and real estate. In terms of longevity, yes technology has helped us survive longer. Our quality of life, according to the human’s definition of life: career, family, accomodation, food, purpose, has grown in variety and possibility. We still are born not knowing why we are alive, and we still die not knowing why we as a human race are alive. This ingrained human fact has been true from the cavemen to us.
The monkeys die sooner. But they think too. Maybe instead of teaching them to play chess we should be asking them, “what is the meaning of life?”. You think about that.
LIST OF LOVE INDUCING MOVIES
calculate love. ....
MOVIES TO EVOKE EMOTION/ OTHERWISE KNOWN AS "CHICK FLICKS"
FEEL FREE TO DEBATE ME ON THIS
A LIST OF FUNKY BRILLIANT MOVIES WILL FOLLOW THIS ONE IN FUTURE
# of *’s indicates what order. this may change in the future and I don’t know how many of these I already put on the list, but for now: *=1st movie to watch, **=2cd movie to watch, etc.
bold is watch asap
bold and big letters is watch ASAP
italics indicate movies we should watch together
if you have time, try to watch at least all the ones in big letters bold and if u have more time, the ones in bold, then the ones in regular
pay it forward
**the sleeping dictionary-
*Vanilla Sky 3 ( WATCH ON THE SAME DAY)
Joseph Campbell:Man and His Mythsl- artificial intelligence 1 (WATCH ON THE SAME DAY)
contact 2 (WATCH ON THE SAME DAY)
hellboy
hidalgo
enigma
the terminal
k-pax
gia
wondrous oblivion
a beautiful mind
the emperor’s club
in and out
the computer wore tennis shoes
my father the hero
solaris (russian version if u can find in uni lib., otherwise the one with george clooney)
simone
sphere
event horizon
alien,aliens,3,ressurection
dune
mrs. doubtfire
pollock
the english patient
gigli
honey
*swept away
clueless
everybody says i love you/clarie danes,
immortality
little women
here on earth
only you
disturbing behaviour
heartbreakers
can’t hardly wait
malena
lolita
moulin rouge
unfaithful
***pretty woman
Ever After
*****la grand vida
fools rush in
frida
the faculty
the fly,2
the absent-minded professor
****guess who’s coming to dinner
6 days, 7 nights
wit
much ado about nothing
the importance of being earnest
grease,2,3
donald duck’s adventures in mathematics land
my little pony
carebears
castaway (old version)
snow falling on cedars
the bodyguard
man of the house
*******les miserables
y tu mama tambien
******captain corelli’s mandolin
moscow doesn’t believe in tears
the little mermaid
beauty and the beast
sleeping beauty
the jungle book
snow white
all of aesop’s fables
all of brother’s grimm
shiharizade and the tale of 1000 nights
made for tv movie: about marine and princess
the bourne identity
when harry met sally
an officer and a gentleman
phenomenon
dance with me
selena
enemy of the state
the cell
tremors,2,3
********breakfast at tiffany’s
when a man loves a woman
28 days
monster’s ball
old movie w/halle berry, don’t remember name, she plays a white girl (secretly black) in old english society, old 1980’s film
roots (the book by alex haley and the entire 5 movies)
cool runnings
all old elvis movies (he was in a lot)
all old james dean movies
all old marilyn monroe movies +rita hayworth, judy garland, basically all old hollywood films
chocolat
My Fair Lady
funny girl
Anne of Green Gables, Anne of Avonlea (both movies, watch only those for now, but there are also 8 books)
7 Years in Tibet
10 things I Hate About You
Willard
the tuxedo
dennis the menace
tom sawyer, huckleberry finn
wish upon a star
Sense and Sensibility
Jane Eyre (the movie first, then the book)
look who’s talking, look who’s talking too
MOVIES TO EVOKE EMOTION/ OTHERWISE KNOWN AS "CHICK FLICKS"
FEEL FREE TO DEBATE ME ON THIS
A LIST OF FUNKY BRILLIANT MOVIES WILL FOLLOW THIS ONE IN FUTURE
# of *’s indicates what order. this may change in the future and I don’t know how many of these I already put on the list, but for now: *=1st movie to watch, **=2cd movie to watch, etc.
bold is watch asap
bold and big letters is watch ASAP
italics indicate movies we should watch together
if you have time, try to watch at least all the ones in big letters bold and if u have more time, the ones in bold, then the ones in regular
pay it forward
**the sleeping dictionary-
*Vanilla Sky 3 ( WATCH ON THE SAME DAY)
Joseph Campbell:Man and His Mythsl- artificial intelligence 1 (WATCH ON THE SAME DAY)
contact 2 (WATCH ON THE SAME DAY)
hellboy
hidalgo
enigma
the terminal
k-pax
gia
wondrous oblivion
a beautiful mind
the emperor’s club
in and out
the computer wore tennis shoes
my father the hero
solaris (russian version if u can find in uni lib., otherwise the one with george clooney)
simone
sphere
event horizon
alien,aliens,3,ressurection
dune
mrs. doubtfire
pollock
the english patient
gigli
honey
*swept away
clueless
everybody says i love you/clarie danes,
immortality
little women
here on earth
only you
disturbing behaviour
heartbreakers
can’t hardly wait
malena
lolita
moulin rouge
unfaithful
***pretty woman
Ever After
*****la grand vida
fools rush in
frida
the faculty
the fly,2
the absent-minded professor
****guess who’s coming to dinner
6 days, 7 nights
wit
much ado about nothing
the importance of being earnest
grease,2,3
donald duck’s adventures in mathematics land
my little pony
carebears
castaway (old version)
snow falling on cedars
the bodyguard
man of the house
*******les miserables
y tu mama tambien
******captain corelli’s mandolin
moscow doesn’t believe in tears
the little mermaid
beauty and the beast
sleeping beauty
the jungle book
snow white
all of aesop’s fables
all of brother’s grimm
shiharizade and the tale of 1000 nights
made for tv movie: about marine and princess
the bourne identity
when harry met sally
an officer and a gentleman
phenomenon
dance with me
selena
enemy of the state
the cell
tremors,2,3
********breakfast at tiffany’s
when a man loves a woman
28 days
monster’s ball
old movie w/halle berry, don’t remember name, she plays a white girl (secretly black) in old english society, old 1980’s film
roots (the book by alex haley and the entire 5 movies)
cool runnings
all old elvis movies (he was in a lot)
all old james dean movies
all old marilyn monroe movies +rita hayworth, judy garland, basically all old hollywood films
chocolat
My Fair Lady
funny girl
Anne of Green Gables, Anne of Avonlea (both movies, watch only those for now, but there are also 8 books)
7 Years in Tibet
10 things I Hate About You
Willard
the tuxedo
dennis the menace
tom sawyer, huckleberry finn
wish upon a star
Sense and Sensibility
Jane Eyre (the movie first, then the book)
look who’s talking, look who’s talking too
apologies are self-cancelling and utterly RIDICULOUS
Sorry doesn’t mean anything unless the action which you are apologizing for is never repeated again.
If it is repeated again, then you are not sorry, and so are saying a formality.
If you are sorry, that is fine, if you are not sorry, that is also fine. But don’t say what you do not mean.
If your mouth is aplogizing for what your body does, your mind is controlling your soul. To do this allows guilt and regret. When doing an action, evaluate why you are doing it at the time of action. If you begin to feel regret or guilt, than the action which you have chosen is not the one you want to do.
If you are not sorry, then continue with your action.
If is in this understanding of your mind and body where balance is acquired. And when the body matches mind, you will never feel sorry for anything you do.
If it is repeated again, then you are not sorry, and so are saying a formality.
If you are sorry, that is fine, if you are not sorry, that is also fine. But don’t say what you do not mean.
If your mouth is aplogizing for what your body does, your mind is controlling your soul. To do this allows guilt and regret. When doing an action, evaluate why you are doing it at the time of action. If you begin to feel regret or guilt, than the action which you have chosen is not the one you want to do.
If you are not sorry, then continue with your action.
If is in this understanding of your mind and body where balance is acquired. And when the body matches mind, you will never feel sorry for anything you do.
The beauty of the city is comparable and even able to surpass any withered rose of the Italian lover. There is so much activity, a thousand eyes staring in opposite directions, and yet somehow everybody manages to stay on the sidewalk without spilling off into the overcrowded street, a.k.a Le Valley of Cars. How many roses are so diverse in their selection of petals? In how many botanical gardens are you likely to find such a vast sea of contradictions as you can find in any city coffee corner? Here comes the drag queen, wearing a business suit, chatting with a short Pakistani sporting a snow-season beanie and carrying natural chinese green tea in a water bottle. The lawyers, accountants, suit-super shiny clean hordes rushing through the distractions of “BUY ME, HALF OFF” sales and not quite yet New Zealand Idol material (not any of the good ones anyway) street performers. Then there is the old Korean violin player, his skilled and glorious symphony bursting through the social scene obsessed with money and deadlines. There is something horribly sad, a fine line of melancholy nostalgia in his eyes, and it angers me to watch the stouty business types on their cell phones briskly stroll by past him, not bothering to see or listen to his story. And how could I not mention the beautiful women? The firm, athletic musculature of their legs showing through fitted jeans and leather booted heels, their mid-sections covered and their bustline alluring and captivating. I can’t look away, I can’t look away, I can’t.. ow! Who can blame any male man banging into a wall or lamppost when there is such a gorgeous display of scenery about? Any woman who swears off men in disgust of their neandrothal tendencies shouldn’t be wearing red lace underwear underneath a see through white skirt. Men however, for me anyway, aren’t as fascinating to look at. Their hips don’t sway with delicacy, and the wind doesn’t blow through their hair when they laugh, and they never seem to know what to say. I think the male form is best nude, as clothing seems to shed their natural masculinity. I just can’t imagine a prince of the jungle wearing a Metallica T-Shirt and banging his head to a punk rock song on his ipod. Hmm. The business women crack me up. All this feminism suffrage movement crap has turned the beautiful female into a she-he. Whatever happened to the Sharon Stone types, oozing with seductive power and brilliant wit? Tie, suit with pants, hair back in a bun, topped off with a serious expression and a bitchy attitude are very depressing to see, as it shows how obviously desperate any woman attired with such characteristics must have been for recognition. Throughout her childhood, imagine, everyone always saying, “hey Girl, come here. Excuse me Miss, would you like to sit here, My my what a lovely face you have you young Female. Oh here, I‘ll give you a 10% discount for being pretty.“ Poor you, you disadvantaged, abused, over-trodden by men in the corporate market female. Do you need a hug? I’ll give you one. Yes, you’re smart, and capable and an individual.
Just like everybody else. He. He. Heeeheee. All this fussy hilarity, plus add the wondrous smells of freshly baked (or perhaps mass produced, repackaged, and re-distributed, wholesale, but who cares anyway) cookies, cheap Malaysian take-away, the sparkly rainbow of lights, shouts of all languages flying through mouths across the streets and into people’s ears, and tall buildings that depending on how you’re feeling either smile with you or mock you, and did I mention the tall striking manaquins in the shop display windows? I love the fucking city. Ya just can’t say “fucking” in relation to a red rose, especially if its accompanied by one of those woeful, puppy-eyed, Shakespeare obsessed sensitive wimps (oh, sorry, “romantics”). And the use of such crude words is just as expressive and meaningful as any witty phrase from Voltaire. It loves you, it hates you, it sucks you in its whirlpool of coffee and cheap wine, and then hopefully you’ll rise above it only to become a slave to it forevermore. The city, the city, THE FUCKING CITY!!!!!!! Ah, I’m in love.
Just like everybody else. He. He. Heeeheee. All this fussy hilarity, plus add the wondrous smells of freshly baked (or perhaps mass produced, repackaged, and re-distributed, wholesale, but who cares anyway) cookies, cheap Malaysian take-away, the sparkly rainbow of lights, shouts of all languages flying through mouths across the streets and into people’s ears, and tall buildings that depending on how you’re feeling either smile with you or mock you, and did I mention the tall striking manaquins in the shop display windows? I love the fucking city. Ya just can’t say “fucking” in relation to a red rose, especially if its accompanied by one of those woeful, puppy-eyed, Shakespeare obsessed sensitive wimps (oh, sorry, “romantics”). And the use of such crude words is just as expressive and meaningful as any witty phrase from Voltaire. It loves you, it hates you, it sucks you in its whirlpool of coffee and cheap wine, and then hopefully you’ll rise above it only to become a slave to it forevermore. The city, the city, THE FUCKING CITY!!!!!!! Ah, I’m in love.
fuck the poor ethiopian children
There is a strange sort of energy surrounding me today. I rest on my right hand and stare at the photograph of H, and realize he is doing the same in the photo. His eyes, call to me, mysterious and beautiful, and yet silent and predictable. They beg me to explore their depths, unleash the hidden world which they protect, unfold the grand secret of the universe locked in H’s brilliant mind. Everything is ok today, in fact it is brilliant. Or am I fooling myself here? I’ve felt this way for several days. “Life”, as would be put, is rolling along smoothly and progressively. H’s university papers are exerting upon him new energy for knowledge and a slightly higher rate of productivity than the past 2 years. His sense of responsibility, although usually normal, in some cases has been heightened undoubtedly due to the strain I put on him. We are dreamers, trying to break through the rock of this world and mold our evanescent and varied fantasies into tangible, visible statues which in their immortal unbreakability will change the world. How much easier this is said than accomplished. A list of goals has been written, discussions ranging in topics and plans have been ample throughout the years. And yet, as I sit here, there is nothing within my grasp that I can point a finger to and say, “ah-hah, I have created that!”. Even my sculptures, which bring such joy and supernatural ego out of me, sit dull and mock me as if to say, “look at all this time you’ve spent on me, and what have you gotten out of it? Not a snitch of money, not a hint of recognition, nothing, nada. HAHHAHAH!!!!!!!”. My artworks, paintings, sketches, even worse, as they are just scratchings on paper or canvas done by the stupid tools of man, and my insufficient fingers. The writings, the poetry, the short stories, the memoirs, all useless. It is a day like this when I find myself wishing that I was a bank accountant, or salesclerk. Some job which does not require any imaginative thought, and laughs at it. Who, what am I? A grown “adult” who fantasizes all day, and when creating these fantasies into “work”, all that is done is to bring my own thoughts to visual life. Woop de doo. Who gives a shit. The artist is the world’s biggest joke, a profession which is completely unnecessary to man, and yet here we are, the elitists who insist upon finding the bigger picture out of life, and contemplating its grand meaning. I hate this aristocratic mentality and these vulgar paintbrushes and the coffee stained tables to which freedom and happy-go-luckiness lifestyle are associated with. I haven’t accomplished anything. And even if I had, say if I had won a thousand art contests, and was an internationaly known author with an email inbox full of millions of hopeful youths sending me their work in hopes to “someday be like you, Ms.”, and say even that the “Ms.” would be a “Dr.”specifying either a medical degree or a p.h.d professorship, and I had a huge summer cottage in Naples. Would that change everything? I don’t know. I like to tell myself, no it wouldn’t, but my mother would call that a sour grapes mentality. After all, what is it that I physically have? The work which I’ve created throughout the years is completely unknown to the mass populace, so although it is mine, it isn’t really a valuable asset to have in terms of monetary compensation or immortal fame. The man which I love, isn’t respected by my father, nor my mother, and in general underestimated by the mass populaces as timid and weak. The executive furnished studio apartment equipped with all your modern conveniences: tv, microwave, queen size bed, desk, comfy furniture, front-loader double washer/dryer in one, electric flat top stove, fancy shmancy dishwasher, and aside from the shitty view facing a construction site with the ogling eyes of construction workers, this classy little dwelling which we have just moved into last night, is not comforting to me because of its ridiculous rent which will be sucking our savings down into the whirlpool of economic progression which advances.. Hmmm… nobody I know, but somehow Oprah Winfrey still manages to give away million dollar Subarus as her takeaway gifts on her talk show, and radio contests fly people on all expenses-paid trips to Tahiti, and all the while I’m here, poor as hell. Forget the starving children in Africa. I’m sick of everybody talking about the damn starving Ethiopian children. I’m starving! Unless you’re Angelina Jolie or Mother Theresa don’t give me some sympathy speech about the world affairs of today. Most talk a lot and few do anything. Including myself. But if you really gave a shit about the poor starving children, you’d save yourself the five minutes it took you to give me your useless rant and spend it researching ways to help them. And not just by sending them money or canned food products. Develop a business plan to “teach them how to fish”, instead of “feeding them for a day”. That, by the way, is exactly what I’m currently working on. Another one of the useless, growth-abstract ideas I have. It could be questioned, but, why are you spending so much money on an apartment? Well, it so happens that the housing market today is very unattainable, and this was the cheapest place we could find. So how am I advancing? I stretch myself “to the limit”, insert “eye the tiger” to be playing in the background here, every day physically, I can almost do the splits, and am now very capable of doing a variety of twists and freakishly distorted body flexes which normally would only be seen in Picasso’s cubism works. Also, I have proven my mother and previous best pal wrong by finally attaining a natural sense of rhythm and being able to “dance”. Contrary to popular belief, what you’re born with is not what you were meant to be. I hope I am a living example of this. In 4th grade, I was an ugly, rhythm-less, nerdy, teacher’s pet dork. Now, I can sexually seduce, satisfy, and make fall in love with me any man on the planet (yes, this is an actual skill), have performed in front of large audiences of people in all areas of performance art, and am now considered by many to be physically beautiful. So Ha! To all you cynics. This may not seem like any great or even provable feat, but for me it is an accomplishment of self which I am extremely proud of, for defying your own insecurities and fears and making them into your strengths is one of the most incredibly fun things you can ever do. Aside from this great inner discovery and confidance of self, many days I feel like a pitiful mouse, too small to make any changes in the world or to be noticed. Yet, remember the elephant? The elephant, is the world to me, and there are days when I can make it shriek, and even help it out. This mouse still has some supernatural power. Which however is completely useless in all measures of tangible success. All my inner qualities and talents are UTTERLY POINTLESS in this world. I, am a waste of space. I am also, GOD. H and I are sentients of incomprehensible genius, trapped in these meak versions of ourselves, judged by the rulers of society and history. When will people stop using comparison? Or is that just my “excuse” to rid myself of the responsibility to stand up to whatever it is that I really should be doing. My mother‘s voice is ringing in my ears, or rather my mind, actually somewhere in the back of my brain in the same region where the songs I can‘t get out repeatedly play until I‘m tempted to walk down to a gun shop in order to shut them up, “Sour grapes, sour grapes, buska. The reality is..”. What is the reality? Does anyone really know? Can you define it for me in a sentence, and not some vague definition like “the world you see around you”, or “the socio-economic battle of dog eat dog that we live in”. No, I want a fucking meaning of life answer that includes an explainable equation to H, my artwork, myself, this apartment, your history, past, the future, and yes, even the fucking poor starving Ethiopian children.
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