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Thursday, August 05, 2010

Mind Matters

The current state of my physicality is a very new development of my training, but people have been asking how I am able to run for an hour straight without pause, and recently-swim for 5 hours non-stop.

It is a big sign of fucked-up ness on this planet that the Length of Time of these activities is paid so much attention, but to shed some light:

The answer to this question is very simple: because I just DO it.


People like to throw the excuse, "well that's easy for you to say." when I say that your body is a tool, and that you control it. they say that because I'm (what society terms as) "good looking", "intelligent", and "determined" that it's somehow EASY for me. Uh, no it's not. Particularly because all of those external illusory definitions don't describe me in the slightest.


EASY? It's Everything, But easy.


I've been thru a fucking HELLSTORM this past year, and I'm pulling myself out of it slowly with every passing day. Nothing has been "easy" about my process. it has been Fun, but not "easy". Yes, there is a difference. Add a whole list of mental "disorders" (clinically diagnosed with everything from bipolar to schizophrenia) to the list and I'd have enough excuses to sit in a little room for the rest of my life.

That's big picture. But let me get back down to a little detail-the topic of "physicality", which is such a puny detail of the human vessel but something that fascinates billions. And specifically, let me get back to this Appearance issue, and the Physicality aspect.

Firstly, what the fuck is "good looking"?


>

HAHAAHAHAHHHAAHHAHAAAAA



as some examples for you of just how not easy it is, here is me as a kid, and me as an "adult". as you can clearly see, NOT A NATURAL BORN ATHLETE OR what society would consider "GOOD LOOKING".




-that's my dad on the left and my mom on the right and me in the middle with glasses.



-me with close family friends









I do have genetic advantages (being mixed and the genetic characteristics of my highly developed and well-rounded parents means I automatically have the best of many cultural traits-natural evolution of nature), but I was NOT a natural born athlete despite all that. Particularly when it comes to stamina and longevity in any physical activity. I was a TOTAL uncoordinated dork when I was a kid, last to get picked for gym, nerd, geek, freak, loner, etc. blah blah. You know who else was? this guy:




Everything I've attained has been a matter of mind, not a matter of genes. I have created the me that I wanted to be. And that's a continual state of progression towards being the me that I have yet to be. If there's anything about me that you like or think you can't do, e.g :dance, sing, draw, write, blah blah blah, that's bullshit. Whatever I've done with myself you are fully capable of doing because the ONLY thing that's made it possible to do is BELIEVING THAT I COULD. That's it. It was a conscious, active effort, it did NOT happen "by accident". I'm not speaking for any figure throughout history directly nor comparing myself to anyone (I am ME, they are THEM), but I'm pretty damn sure everyone who's done anything would say something pretty similar.

David Beckham as a kid:



a a world phenomenon:




Appearance.

Such a Small part of what is a human being, but something the entire planet pays attention to. Do you really think that how Beckham LOOKS, has Anything to do with what he's physically able to do with his body?

"Do you think my Speed, has anything to do with my Muscles, in This Place?"-Morpheus, The Matrix

Beckham's not a fantastic example of ability though, as his great "mastery" is in learning how to kick a ball, "curved" on a green field. wow. very special.
this world has definitely improved from all of those balls being kicked on fields.



But I digress.


I don't give a shit if this is hard for you to swallow but your Age, Race, Sex, Circumstance, Genetics, Weight, Body Type is a piss-ass excuse and has absolutely ZERO to do with your potential to bend your body to your will. I say this knowing where you're coming from because I once rode on some of those same excuses, and if I can overcome the over the top self-pity of my whiny ego, anyone fucking can. Yes, that means YOU. You don't need a coach, a trainer, a religion, a gym membership, a support group, weight watchers, jenny craig, diet pills, a nutritionist, a shaman or any other type of "life-saver". All you need is YOU. YOU are your own life-saver, and everything that's been crammed in your brain to tell you otherwise is BULLSHIT.



I will outline some steps here from my self-observations.

1. physical progression must be delved into for the joy of the process, not for the goal at the end. if you set out to do something "because", >it'll make you lose weight, it'll give you a six pack, it'll get you more chicks/guys, it'll give you more success, it'll better your career, it'll make people like you, it'll improve your self-image, etc., you will likely fail. I say likely because there are many robots on the planet who are successful with these methods-in terms of gaining physical results. but the physical results are temporary and what you see in the mirror is bullshit. it's like cramming a bunch of information into your head the night before a test-just to pass. the minute the test is over, you forget everything. if you really want long-term results, forget about "acing" the test and focus on Learning. (which btw outlines the major error with the educational system of today). take your ego out of the equation and make physical progression a spiritual experience. if you set out to lose x amount of weight in x amount of time and look like x figure, you are setting yourself up for a shitload of disappointment and unnecessary stress. it's an age-old saying that if you keep looking at a kettle on the stove waiting for it to boil, it feels like it takes forever. it is only when you take your focus off of it that it somehow "magically" boils.



2. When I do anything physical these days, it is NEVER to achieve a goal. If I catch myself thinking the thought of "dammit I don't want to be fat, I have to go work out", I slap myself.

"you're better if you're thinner" is the dumbass societal propoganda that is thrown at you from everywhere.

Fat. Skinny. Fit. Out of Shape. These definitions are societal and have zero to do with what you actually are. If you ascribe to doing something to meet these labels, that is all you will ever be-a label.

When I set out to do something physical, it is to gain a better understanding of myself and what my power as an individual is. It is about testing just how far I can go and genuinely getting a kick out of it. If I am not having FUN with a physical activity-I stop it immediately. I do NOT "work out". and I do not "work hard".

"but physical work is painful!". only if you focus on the Pain. ever notice how the look on someone's face when they orgasm is the exact same look that they have when they're in "pain"? "but sex feels good!". so does physical exertion of any sort, when your Mind, is the one that's playing with your body. it's not a matter of being Mary Poppins and singing "a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down". That's deluded. The Mary Poppins principle is when you see people at Gyms, or even worse, running in Nature, WITH FUCKING CELL PHONES. Wow. Let's distract the mind as much as possible whilst it is working, so that we can ignore what's actually happening to ourselves. This is goal-attaining behaviour (e.g oh I just Gotta get in my 10 minutes of Walking time for the day!, I just Gotta lose this weight in time for Phyllis's wedding!, I just Gotta get this six pack so hot Abby will notice me!).

When you set out to Do anything, if you are not doing it because you're excited to do the actual thing you're doing, don't do it! Period!



3. being "healthy" has nothing to do with it.
Another one of the brainwashing doldroms being flushed out amongst humans. First let's cover-What the fuck is "being healthy"???

Being a vegan oat-bran eating, bicycle shorts wearing, hippie looking muscle mass/interchangeable with anorexic/lean???

>this is "healthy"?

Health has NOTHING to do with APPEARANCE. Health also has NOTHING to do with PHYSICAL MEASUREMENTS.

There's a whole population of "healthy" people living in Colorado who if you asked them to go survive in the wilderness with nothing but their naked selves for a week who'd go running to a hotel in a day. A "Healthy" Human Being should be able to do that!!!

It is the human being's natural purpose to Move. to React. to be ready for anything at anytime and handle it. Being able to run for 30 minutes on your treadmill does not mean you are healthy!!!

Health is a union of the mind, body, spirit and heart.

It is a state of zen, not chaos. It is the body responding to what you tell it, it is using every muscle for it's purpose, it is harnessing your own energy to give you pleasure. It is using your body as a tool for your mind. It is you operating your self, as if you are driving a car. The difference is that a car is an external machine, and you are an internal machine.

If you want to "work out" every day in an attempt to "be healthy", your goal and your method is twisted. Health is not some to-do check off list and it is not achievable thru side-stepping.

You must feel a genuine curiosity and joy in exploring just what this body of yours is capable of. It is your inner self being Expressed, Thru your physical actions.
"I wonder how far I can run" vs. "if I run x amount of miles, I will achieve my target for the day."

When you set the limits of "health" upon yourself, you'll be a living hipocracy. Millions do it. Go to the gym every day from 5 to 6, after "Work" which is KILLING the mind, and then they kill it some more by being in an artificially lighted prison, texting on their blackberries and iphones whilst getting the body to "work" yet again. And that is what society deems "Healthy".

When the body operates at optimum level, -meaning the level that it's Born and Made to be at-, it Does Not Work. Ever. It has fun, the mind has fun, because it's doing what it's created for.


4. it's not about suffering, kicking your ass, beating yourself up or punishing yourself.

Every "Rocky" type film of the years has made it some great feat of mankind that the more you "suffer" physical stress, the "tougher" you are.

well if that's the case, you might as well get a case of nails and hammer them into your hand.

oh wait.

this guy already did that:




If you are not having fun, and fun is when you are free of any weighty type nagging feelings, you are not properly exerting your body. You're "working" it. But that type of "work" usually doesn't involve the mind. The mind shuts off. Why? because the human being is an organism that Seeks pleasure. It Wants pleasure. It doesn't want pain! It doesn't want to suffer!

"pain equals beauty".

No it doesn't.


5. Where and When you exert yourself is just as important as What you do.

The body in it's natural state wants to be physically moving. It gets fulfillment, out of movement. But how you move it, in what way, what speed, what hour, is in understanding what your internal self wants to get out. It is inter-connected, and never should be separated. If you "feel" like for example dancing, then Dance. if you "feel" like running, then Run. Your inner self knows why it wants what it wants, specifically when it wants what it wants. Listening to it is what you must do. Problem is the way most societies are set up is to Ignore those inner wants, and instead create some artificial structure that is totally going Against what you naturally gravitate towards. e.g Humans were not made to prance around in gyms and lift metallic weights in order to build their muscle mass. They also were not made to do "repetitions" of specific exercises monotonously, at the same time every day. Muscles will never build or grow to their full potential unless they're constantly being challenged and stimulated. There is no fucking stimulation in a gym-everything is done for you, what's the Challenge???

Run in the woods, feel the various sticks, rocks, under your feet. See the sky, breathe the air. Just That, by itself, already challenges your senses and your body because there is Nothing in nature that is ever stagnant. Everything is Constantly moving, changing, shifting.

Do not engage in any type of physical exertion in enclosed structures. Go OUTSIDE. The closer you can get to non-civilized nature, the better. Doesn't matter what it is: running, swimming, jumping, dancing, stretching, whatever, do it in nature.



6. You must never engage in an activity which bores you.

Why are so many people "bored" on this planet? Because everything has been made so easy and unchallenging.

Societal structure has turned most human beings into robots that are unconscious. They're drifting around as if in slumber, unable to respond or react properly to anything.

That's not how human beings were designed. You were not given the senses of touch, sight, sound, smell, taste, and extra-sensory perception so that you can experience the same damn thing over and over again. Your Self Aches to experience New experiences, All the time! It actively Wants to be challenged and stimulated.

You are able to sense when your self has been saturated of a certain activity. Don't force yourself to continue it!!! Switch activities!!!

7. Don't give what you do a name.

Associating a label or value to whatever physical activity you engage in traps your mind into scraping around itself to match that label.

E.g "I am going to run now". Your mind thinks of images of runners, imagines what "running" is, and starts to run on auto-pilot, completely disengaging your mind from what you are doing.

Instead of thinking "I am running", "I am dancing", "I am swimming", drop the thought entirely. Don't Think, Feel.
Feel every muscle in your thigh, in your abdominals, in your back, in your arms, listen to which parts feel soft and unused, and push on those parts. Whatever activity you are doing must never be subconscious!! You must always be Alert and Aware of what is going on While you are doing it.

Your body reacts differently to different environments. Simple enough. But this requires conscious awareness of those differences. E.g if you are swimming in a river or a lake, the types of sensations you will feel inwardly to get you to move are different than what you feel if you are standing upright in a forest. Respond to what your senses ache to do.


8. This is Most Important:

When you are physically active, You, are Not, YOU.


You are not a name, a sex, a weight, an image, an anything. You must discard all of these perceptions of yourself because they WILL limit your abilities.

You should never embark on an activity with a pre-conceived notion of what you think you're capable of, what you Should do, or Shouldn't do.

Sometimes closing your eyes while doing something is the best way to reach this state of mind instantly. Because your sense of sight can trick you into thinking that what you see is what has to be always.

This in particular relates to people who are very self-conscious of their figures, weigh a lot, or have been recently injured. If your Eyes see that you are "fat", they will tell your brain, "you are fat. you are unable to move". If your Eyes see that your leg is not operating at full function, they will tell your brain "your leg is broken. do not use it."

You have to cast all of that aside and focus on What You Feel.



9. Physical exertion must be performed ALONE.

Workout buddies, classes, blah blah blah, will only zombify you and disassociate your brain with your body.

You HAVE to be in a state when you are listening to only you, and this simply cannot be done if you are in the presence of anyone else. Energy transfers, and sooner or later, you will both be feeding off each other. Instead of feeding off of yourself.


10. NO DISTRACTIONS!

Largely meaning Electronics. But a distraction can be any number of things. It can be a pressing "appointment" that you have to "get to" by a certain hour, it can be an arguement playing out in your head, it can be another person looking at you-which again is why-#9

Electronics are not evil. Ipods are not evil and music is not evil. These things will not distract you IF you use them Properly. What is proper use?

Let me discuss what is Improper use first.

Improper use is you turning on your mp3 player, fully listening to a song, and doing activity while your mind and senses are fully tuned in to the song (and not what your body is doing).

There is a much greater susceptibility of this happening when you are at a gym, on a treadmill, or in any type of environment where things are made comfortable and easy. That is why #5.

When you are in nature, electronics are a general no-no. Cell phones, personal filing pen pads, ipods, etc. are not the best way to be consciously Aware.

but, they can be useful tools in reaching a unified state of self if they are not the focus-but a condiment. If music helps you connect to your Feelings when you are doing an activity-Use it. But the Feelings, must connect not only to what you are listening to-but what your body is doing. Only if the unison of these two is utilized are you using electronics properly.

A distraction is anything which takes your mind away from what your body is doing, and creates separation within yourself.





----------------

So, to sum up:


it isn't mind Over matter.

it's Mind Is Matter. Matter Of Mind.


MIND CREATES MATTER....



I love you=fuck you=I love you=fuck you



Wo bist du / Where are you

Just tell me where - are you now
Just show me where - can I see you now
Our dreams were connected - the danger seemed a long time past
But time heals no wounds - and no path was too far for us

For a life that is better than one allows us to believe

Where are you, if it rains - and my path is without a goal
Let me see
Where you are
Our love, our friendship, they were stronger
Than the hate in the great game




Let me see
Where you are

I look for you everywhere and nowhere
And I know, that you are out there dancing with life
I see you everywhere and nowhere
And I know, that you can't hear me from out there

So like a letter - at the beginning - that caught fire by the end
Like a day, that ends, and always begins again anew








Mein Stern / My star

In the vastnesses of your eyes
I see great confidence
Warmth floods my soul
Your look is full of hope
You now aspire with great haste
You stretch your arms out to me
Continue a short while
Arrived now by me

My star - My star

Tightly enclosed I sit here
Now quite near with you alone
I live just the moment
Could it but be purely endless



Your unlimited drive for doings
And the tenderness of your existence
Leave me so often astounded
Is your heart still nevertheless so small?

My star - My star

Your action is impartial
You don't know reservations
You are the incentive of my striving
I look in your face

You free in me the rigid thinking
And release in me the miserable look
you let it focus on you
I look now back to you

Just a piece of this nature
I wish for myself back to me
Wondrously life proceeds
Blurs so often the clear view

I look back in your eyes
Are they still so clear and pure
I live now the moment
Could it be but just endless


---------------------------------------------------------------


"I love you=fuck you=I love you=fuck you"



Just because I love you
doesn't mean that you have won
I stand before you small and humble
you wrongly mistake it as a weakness for I am all strong

what arrow must I shoot at you
to break the fortress of your soul
what memory will it take for you to remember
that which your heart once knew

it is no secret that I miss your universe
I ache for you from the depth of my being
but I am the ocean, not the fish which needs a worm
I will walk away
I will leave you in your tower that you've built
there is no fear in my path, I have understood the certainty

you can play the chessmaster
alas only an eventual stalemate revealing emptiness
you are the precious rose in the desert
you shine but none can sense your bloom

there is your red reflected on my lips
nothing exists which is not you
but I wave goodbye to my heart
I will leave you there to burn

I hope your petals are unwilted
when you fly to find your way back to me
I am the garden of your paradise
the gate is forever open
but I cannot be your feet



------------------------------------------------------

Inspiration is all fantastic and pretty, but unless someone feels the fuel from their own spirit to do something, it's useless. I used to have a superman complex but I'm done with trying to "save" people, that was due to ego and me actually having a lack of faith in people. I now believe full throttle that people will save themselves. in order for them to do that, you HAVE to give many a "fuck you"-because it breaks them from the illusion of support and makes them face themselves. my ultimate priority is in becoming my own destiny. part of the tool which allows for this is having a "fuck you" attitude, and being given a "fuck you" as well. I'm eternally grateful for all the "fuck you's" I've gotten because they have made, and are making me fight harder. there are many who would call this selfish, there are others who call this brave. for those that would call it selfish-awesome, go fuck yourselves and continue in your "selfless" pursuits. as my mother put it once, "I have yet to meet a real altruist." for those that would call it brave, please don't. I don't want to be an example or a martyr or an inspiration to others. people MUST be their Own inspirations and not seek out that which is outside themselves to fuel them. the best way to truly help others is to help them help themselves. and the best way to get to the point when you can help Others to help themselves is to help Yourself.
the only way this planet and humanity will progress is when people stop believing in the bullshit of comfort and realize all is impermanent. love is only real when you have belief enough to Let Go.

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

Push

The state of people's incompetent decision making skills is never as fully obvious as when I walk by parents and their children.

Yes, there are exceptions, some parents are doing a swell job. Queen Raina for instance, Angelina Jolie, ok, those are the only two I can think of right now.


What the fuck happened to the concept of DISCIPLINE????!!!!!

Parents let their little brats run all over the place, totally out of line and without any sense of purpose, and they make excuses like, "oh, that's what all 2 year olds do." Um, no, you're just a softie retard. Endless paperwork to get a driver's license, an apartment, university examinations, and nothing to have a child????? The most retarded systemic malfunction. IDIOTS SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO BREED. PERIOD.


My child, my son, and my girl, when I have them, which will be after age 35 and after I've BECOME, what I'm meant to become, he will be a trained martial artist by age 5 and she'll put Athena to shame. If I'm a legend, well they'll be triple of whatever I am, progenys superior in every way, not just duplicates, not "products" of what I am, but new individual creations that are self-sufficient and self-mindful in every sphere. WARRIORS, are what I will be raising. SPARTANS. Not pussy willow little idiots who pollute this planet. My children will be able to survive in the wildnerness entirely on their own, spear wolves, rule continents, they'll be geniuses, brilliants, exceptionals. And up until puberty, neither of them will even know they have any wealth or status. I'll raise them on an island or deep in the woods, where they'll have no comprehension of money or power. Not until they've been beaten in the senses with the power of Nature, and the purity of Thought, Mentalism, will they get to use those skills to aquire money. They will be beings with understanding, compassion, and insight for all human beings, and they excuse of them being "little" is not gonna ever fly. They will fight hard, love hard, live hard. And I'm not gonna be a "Mommy". I won't ever talk to my children like they're children. They're beings of their own, and aside from the initial training I will drill them with, once they reach of a certain state of self-decision, they will be free to go their own paths. I will not be one of those horendous parents who projects their own image upon their children. My spawn will be the rulers of earth-with however they choose to go about doing it. Our bond will be ultimate.












I will write more on this later as I've fiddled on here while waiting for megavideo to load, I'm finally watching The Hurt Locker, with a bowl of warm Spaghettios. Man I love Spaghettios.




The view of this harbor and the quiet of this place is calming. Water soothes my senses. Off to another adventure in a few weeks, til then this is a perfect training ground. I pushed my body hard yesterday. 4 hours of non stop physical training. Didn't even seem all that long, couldn't believe I went from afternoon to dusk.

I gave out all I had, pushed whatever I had out of me, when I couldn't give any more, and then,

I pushed some more.




"I ran until lactic acid built up in my thighs...then, I ran some more."-Fight Club.


Right-O.


The Hurt Lucker hopefully will fulfill my deep sadness/rage/heat that I feel, a deep, deep sadness, such a powerful and beautiful sadness, exploding in my veins and turning me into the color blue. one that for the time being I'm not indulging in, switching the focus to war.






Tools




The universe is a toolbox. Guns are not evil. People are not evil. Money is not evil. Capitalism is not evil. Communism is not good. Mother Theresa is not good. Peace is not good. There is no evil, no good.

Everything, yes, EVERY-THING, is a Tool. Including people. People are tools. Your body is your own tool as well. All of it is part of the Maya, the Matrix, which is the current world construction.

If you're a dumbass, you'll use money to buy apples and use people to fulfill your emotional needs. You'll use guns to kill and use your body for sex. You'll use airplanes for flying and imagination for drawing pictures. You'll use manipulation to gain power and use fear to garner obedience. You'll use your heart for love and your soul for the spiritual. You'll use your-self for your instincts and your dreams for fulfillment of self-destiny.

If you see nothing hilariously wrong with all the above-you've got it all very backwards.

If you wise up, you'll begin to see and understand everything and everyone for what function they fulfill-their true purpose, and ride on the wave of ultimate utilization.


Monday, July 26, 2010

Unconditional

I have asked many people this question for many years and tonight I heard the best answer thus far, from a very wise friend. Thank you Madam Ajja Tipton.


"What would you define as unconditional love?"


"It is keeping someone in your prayers. Always wanting what is best for them."


This sounds simple, but it is Powerful. All the implications that come from this one train of thought are infinite. The thought itself results in action, and all that comes from that concept of Love.

"Fuck You" is this in actuality, as it is letting go of all ownership, condition and judgement. Fuck You is an I Love You.


Except Fuck You is the negative sphere, I Love You is the positive, unconditional love is somewhere in between, neither of the two.


This is one of the seeds of my frustration with the people of this planet.....I range between such deep care....and then deep disgust-the care partially due to my own ego, and the disgust also due to ego because of disappointment.......but I should let go of the disgust, and the care too-as that is suffocative ego power....and just keep the desire and wish for the world and all the people....towards the best.

I should cease trying to control everything.....the Fuck You is a part of the letting go.....but it's incomplete, twisted.


It is detachment...to truly generate any true type of unconditional love-which is that REAL thing I was referring to. The PURE, the Unicorn, is unconditional, thinks unconditionally, is in itself...unconditional.


It is the hardest to reach that type of detachment for and towards those you love the deepest....for detaching means truly loving without condition.....

the Fuck You is the ego's easy way out of the real battle.


the I Love You also is.



Without Condition....that should be the goal.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

The Disillusioned Ideal

There are so many charlatans, fakers, liars, assholes and sickos in this world.

It will make for fascinating literature when I write my great character novel.

And yes, all of you fucktards who fucked with me at one point or another will be in it.


What is evil? IF there was such a thing as pure good and pure evil, pure good would be honesty. Pure evil is ulterior motives, secrets, lies.

How often I have believed in humanity so deeply that I've given up all my suspicion to fight for an ideal. All the lovers I've been with, all the people I've known, all the connections and bonds, all the claims I believed. "Forever", and all that rubbish. Every "good" person that insists on their "goodness", every "master" who turns out to be just full of shit, every system that claims it's superiority.

This is not a cynical stance. I firmly believe true pure love exists, as well as true pure people, and a true pure free world. I just haven't found it anywhere. I look in the mirror and I definitely don't see it either.

I am so diseased. This world is so diseased.

It's so hard finding anything real anymore.


Lately though, especially in the past 2 years since the dessemination of one of the purest things I thought was real, (it wasn't) I've developed a real good radar for bullshit.


It should be a crime for people to say one thing and then go and do another.


I see all the hipocracies within myself and all the contradictions and I am sickened by how diseased I have become. The more I stay in this hellhole, the more I find myself hating the thing I have to be. In this diseased world, what truth is there really?

The Trees.

The Sun.

The Earth.

but even those are corrupted by man.


I'd like to meet One person in my life, just ONE at least, who is Absolutely 100% REAL.

Who says what they mean, means what they say, has zero personal interest or intent, and is just PURE.

I thought I met him, thought our union was a magical phenomenon of a miracle, thought he was the Purest spirit I'd ever known. But sadly time proved to show that it was all a lie, an illusion, and every word out of his mouth and every action was False. He turned out to be no being of truth, just another one of the masses, too weak to stand up for himself and sinking so easily into conformity. It broke my fucking heart. It's shattered and in fact it's just gone now. FUCK ALL THAT SHIT.

I believed a sheep was a warrior, and he was just a fucking sheep. WHERE DID THE UNICORN GO? WHERE IS THE PURE?!!!!


I want to believe, but there's shit all to believe in anymore. I'm DONE. I can only control the dirt within my own self, let the sheep ramble on their own, I'm thru with sheepherding. If only I could be that person, if only I could cleanse myself entirely into being a saint and wiping all of the ugliness out of my life.


This could be though along the same lines of hoping to bump into a unicorn in the forest, as I'm seeing more and more what my mother has said, "I've yet to meet a real altruist" is sadly the reality of this planet.


Right now I'm just feeling a massive FUCK YOU towards pretty much every person I've ever met and/or known in my entire life.


How long did you think I'd let you get away with the act? How many smiles does it take for people to admit the truth? WHY ME? EH? WHY DO ALL OF YOU EVERYWHERE WANT ME? Am I a fucking cookie? Chew me up, digest, swallow, spit and think that's it? JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. Why'd you fuck with me? Why'd you even enter my realm? What did you want? Did you get it? Energy VAMPIRES, all of you. It's not just too late to apologize, it's too late for anything. I want nothing to do with any human, anywhere, forever. Rivers, Animals, fucking Cactuses are more Humane than the "humans" that populate this earth.

Once upon a time I tried to save some of you. Once upon a time I tried to be with some of you. Once upon a time I loved some of you. Once upon a time I was a fool.

But everywhere I've looked, everyone I've known, everything I've tried, everywhere, has been a lie.

The only truth is the sun. the earth. the sky.

everything else is an illusion.

I can't name a single human on the planet that is free of personal motive, ego, selfish nature, or some type of narcissism. Myself included, because I've been a robot of that system. But even those people I've respected most, at one point or another, have shown that the essence of a human being is so twisted and wrong in so many ways, that it cannot be fixed by human beings themselves.


If there is a "god", it is desperately needed. I watch this planet dying every day. Not even Superman could fix this mess-and I've been down and up THAT pathway. I've been Clark Kent dammit and it still wasn't enough. and No-all you megalomaniacs-you're not fucking god nor are you a practitioner. you're false, all of you. Take those bibles, bhagavad gitas and torahs and cram them up your elitist hypocritical asses. Do I have the answer ? no. I thought I did at one point, but that is Ego talking. I don't. I admit it. And anyone who claims that they do, without actually proving it by SAVING this wretched planet, is ruled by EGO as well.


Fuck you all. I'll destroy every last one of you. I'll blow this whole zoo apart. I'll take a chainsaw and bleed you motherfuckers dry. If this world can't be saved, it must be destroyed. Rebirth is necessary, and the state of the people on this planet, from Timbuktu to Budapest to Brazil is begging for change. I sit and watch from the shadows, all of you, hoping that one day you will all take a stand, fight for truth and free yourselves. But I'm disgusted with you all. It's a pitiful mess that you've allowed yourselves to be in. The worst thing is you actually lie to yourselves and say THIS WORLD IS FUCKING BEAUTIFUL. IT IS NOT BEAUTIFUL. It COULD be beautiful, but the way it is right now-you're either extremely ignorant or extremely hopeful to think so.

As to LOVE being the solution to everything, the one thing worth living for, well HAAAAAAAH. Been there done that. The biggest mindfuck there is. Destruction of the spirit on so many levels that I don't even know if this lifetime, if all of eternity is enough to heal the damage. Goodbye heart-ta-ta, you are going to stay buried forever. I AM AN ICE BLOCK, in a fortress of lava, protected by a dragon with 8 razor tongues. And as to that horrible phrase "I Love You", a damn CONCEPT thrown around so often that it's lost all meaning. "I Love You" really means, "I'll use you 1000% and suck you dry for as long as you fulfill my purposes, I will make you believe that we're meant to be, but if things aint' workin' out for me or my comfort zone takes a shaking I'll toss you to the dust and go on my merry way. oh but p.s thanks for all the memories and take care."




FUCK. YOU.

FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK YOUUUUUUU




I could jam a pillar thru the heart of the world right now, my ancestor must be Ivan the Impaler this rage bursting thru my blood.


And as to Friendship? Well that's a crock too. Aint' no real friendship anywhere, it's all just a huddle nest for people to bind together to distract themselves from the pain it is just to be Alive. One arguement and friendships of 50 years dissolve. Marriages that are "thru sickness and health, better or worse" only last thru the Better-where the fuck is the FIGHT to keep all those promises alive? Shut up with all of your I Love You's you dirty sick fucks. They mean absolutely nothing without the action to back them up. The next person who says I LOVE YOU to me I'll stick a fucking knife into. Why do people say shit that THEY DO NOT MEAN? THAT IS PURE EVIL. WHERE IS THE HONESTY??????


I'm DONE. I'm thru with believing in humanity. There isn't a single Human out there in the world that I can call Righteous and Real. EVERYONE is full of shit. Including me.
I denounce my "humanity".



I've broken the fear a long time ago and I have zero problems now with telling you all:

GO FUCK YOURSELVES.


I'm off to go hug a tree and walk on some more water.




Friday, July 23, 2010

Levitate





Truth can only be found with the absence of fear.

Eradicate fear from yourself and you are no longer leaping off a cliff into a bottomless precipice, but walking on water as if it is concrete.


Thursday, July 15, 2010

Wild Horse

"The Sovereign Individual Paradigm

"The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
But in ourselves that we are underlings."
- William Shakespeare

A paradigm is a system of belief or a way of viewing the world. The feudal paradigm is that there is a King who essentially owns and controls everything and everybody. People are the subjects of the King. The King may delegate some of his powers to a Lord. Peasants, landholders, and merchants have to pay tribute to the Lord and/or the King.

The American Declaration of Independence of 1776 essentially broke the ties to the King of England. Individuals in North America became free sovereigns in their own right. Individuals became their own masters. We could call this the sovereign individual paradigm.

During the past 200 years there has been a gradual regression in America back to the feudal paradigm. Today most Americans believe that they are owned by the government. The government can draft them (or at least force them to register for the draft) and send them off to a foreign war. Workers and companies pay taxes to the government that are far higher than those just before the Declaration of Independence. The government makes the laws and the people must obey. The government owns children and can therefore force parents to send their children to school. The government owns people's bodies, therefore suicide is a crime. The government owns people's bodies, therefore tells people what they may or may not put into their bodies.

So what we have in America today is essentially a feudal system. Individuals stand in relation to the government as peasants stood in relation to the King in the Middle Ages. Today most individuals are as much "underlings" as the peasants were at the time of Shakespeare.

The sovereign individual paradigm states:
(a) I am the master of my life.
(b) I own my life, mind, and body - and the fruit of my labor.
(c) I am free to do anything provided I do not violate the rights of others or harm them.

To get a better understanding of the sovereign individual paradigm, compare the free-wild horse to the broken-domesticated horse. A horse is born free and wild. Try and ride a free-wild horse and it will do its utmost to throw you off. A free-wild horse doesn't like to be broken - enslaved - ridden by a master.

Once the cowboy has broken the free-wild horse, it becomes a broken-domesticated-obedient horse. Now the cowboy is the master of the horse. The horse is the slave of the cowboy. The cowboy rides the horse. The horse works for the cowboy. The cowboy owns the horse. The horse obeys the cowboy.

Horses are born free and wild. Horses are inherently free. They are naturally free. But they can be broken, domesticated, enslaved.

We humans are also born free. We are inherently and naturally free. But most parents break their children at an early age - turn them into broken-domesticated-obedient little slaves. "Teachers" continue the process in compulsory "schools."


- Part of an essay by a brilliant writer (not me) read the full article here:

http://www.buildfreedom.com/tl/tl04

(you'll have to copy/paste, blogspot linking isn't working.)



I went to a film that I wanted to see Twilight: Eclipse.

I'll have to agree with Entertainment Weekly that it's the best thus far.



The key point of the whole movie can be summed up in the ending phrase:



"The struggle/choice has been between Who I Am, and Who I Should Be."



I will quote another film here that I liked, Never Been Kissed,

"Find out who you are. And try not to be afraid of it."

CREED

I do not want illusion
I want truth
I do not want comfort
I want fulfillment
I do not want to buy a house
I want to build one
I do not want to buy an address
I want to create a new living environment
I do not want to own land
I want to live as one with her
I do not want interaction
I want connection
I do not want relationships
I want pure eternal bonds
I do not want control
I want freedom
I do not want money
I want resources
I do not want to work for a system
I want to work for solutions
I do not want peace
I want harmony
I do not want to create to sell
I want to create for the process itself
I do not want a goal
I want a purpose
I do not want a mentor
I want to be my own leader
I do not want an army
I want a revolution
I do not want weapons
I want change
I do not want to mirror what others have done
I want to walk my own path
I do not want the supernatural
I want the metaphysical
I do not want perfection
I want ultimate self mastery
I do not want parlor tricks
I want magic
I do not want worship or praise
I want others to be their best
I do not want to only know
I want to understand
I do not want only love
I want an epic
I do not want sex
I want orgasm
I do not want to sleep
I want to rest
I do not want food
I want nourishment
I do not want friendship
I want union
I do not want a child
I want a progeny
I do not want to help others
I want to save others
I do not want to be happy
I want to be happiness



I do not want just to live
I want to become my destiny

From out there....

Gotta love Starbucks. For the free global Wi-Fi access if not for the over sugary coffee. Drink lots of the ooze to hype you up like a jackrabbit in order to give you so much more "time" to do all the stupid shit that you've delegated for yourself to do. Yep. Forget listening to your body when it's tired-just toxify yourself! Be that "hard working productive citizen" that you are and all the 5 Hour energy drink commercials propogate.



Sometime in the near future, ALL internet, Everywhere, will be accessible and free. Way to go Starbucks, even though your motives for doing so are intended for consumers to buy more of your shit-but still, good progress.

after Starbucks..it's back into the wild. It is alright coming into here, writing to "loved ones", making sure all are not in a panic. Luckily this is a small town I'm passing thru, so it is not overly consumed by the ridiculousness of the system. Still though-the faces of these people-like a mass of zombies.

Here are some Thoughts, from my journey thus far:

---------------------

Nature can be tough,
but it is Honest.

Man is neither tough nor honest.

Man has wandered so far from nature that within himself and the external system he has built is overly complicated and an illusion.

Given a choice, I choose Nature.

In essence, man Is nature, but not the majority of man that roams the world now. The "evolved" homo sapien has only evolved towards stupidity and ignorance.

This MUST change in order for real evolution. It IS possible, but only thru the revolution of a small few who refuse to accept the system of the many.

-----------------------------


WATCHES




Why do people need watches or clocks,
when the sky, stars and sun above show exactly what hour it is
and what segment of day/night?
Shows how far away man has strayed from nature.

If every person was educated in how to know Nature, and not a fucking
time-ticking device, everyone would be a lot better off.

"Watches for fake schedules. Fuck real activity."



---------------------------------------



Mission:

build a fort.

somewhere 34-35 degrees Celcius, but in a forest. With beach, lakes, mountains, rivers and wood. All spheres.

Far from "civilization" -yea , very Civil everyone is- take a look at the news to see how Civil this Civilization is.

Far from the bizarre "laws" that proclaim "ownership" of land.

Man: Ah, I have picked up a pebble, that means, it is mine.

no dumbass, it's not.


Grow vegetables and fruits, entirely self-sustaining.

make own body coverings from cold.

produce creative works.

when fort built,

invite others who wish to join,

build a

CITY


for the ENLIGHTENED.



---------------------------


I have Broken Free.


Free to do whatever I want, whenever I want.

Under no one's rules or systems, nor dependable on any.

No Harvard. No Hollywood. No This or That.

No obligations, restrictions, limitations, orders, internal or external boundaries. No "Keeping Busy" because hey "God is Watching!!!!".

LOL.

No "work", no "school" (as seem to be the only two choices the masses have come up with as an answer to the purpose of life. LMAO)

No "relationship maintenance". Why does something have to be maintained if it's pure and stems from within?

maybe I'll go back to that whole system after this journey, but, that remains to be seen.

for now....I AM FREEE!!!!!

There is Magic in the air. In my Flesh.

this is paradise

no need for movies. no need for fantasy.

nature is right here all around us, right in front of us.

the sights, colours, shapes and textures I have seen are like a fairy land. The sounds, pure, unaltered.

I don't remember the last time I was this happy and at peace.

The only thing that could top this the only thing to top this would be a soul partner, a new romance.
the being strong enough and wise enough to appreciate truth. To have actively seeked it, to have done what is in the mind. Yes, To share it with someone or many who have the heart, eyes, mind and soul to appreciate it.

Into the Wild-"Happiness isn't real unless shared". Disagree, Happiness bursts internally, inwards, to out. It is real when one is alone. But can it be Heightened? Yes, Absolutely. and Sharing, leads to that.



---------------------

a Dream I had a few nights ago>



There is a little girl
sent back in time from the future
she has unearthly powers
she moves objects with her mind
she speaks in the language of the ancients
her mission here is to save all

she is not like the silent watchful guardians
of the past

she actively interferes to shift
the future

she is forceful against man's free will
but she is not demonic

she protects all which is righteous
corrects that which is evil

she is a strange little girl
that is the the Force's disguise

do not underestimate her powers
the world is moving


to

CHANGE



-------------------------------


No such thing as Days and Nights anymore

or Separations


Only experience after experience.


The richness of a hundred lives

at any minute.



FREEDOM!!!!!


----------------------












Monday, July 12, 2010

A Memo to All Others

In these times forces are growing stronger to put the enlightened into cages and the stupid in the spotlight.



There is an URGENCY for all those hidden in the underground to become the best versions of themselves and reclaim this diseased planet.


Change is coming fast, and it's speed will be dependent upon Leaders, not Zeroes. Ones, not Many's.

Together we are greater than the sum of our parts, but in order for that to happen, each of our parts must be Whole.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Saturday, July 10, 2010

The Beginning of The End






12 hours of night
12 hours of day
the Sphinx and the Centaur
Battle for the Cane
The tabula rasa is cast
No spider will unweave

Good and the Evil
Fight to destroy the other
As the compass spins
Only One will be Victor

the land will acknowledge
the flora and fauna will confirm
all the rains will turn to dust
all the sunshine into storm

It is coming in this hour
this hour which lasts eons
the Forces will conspire
to merge two into one

the leaders will rise many
springing forth from the underground
and all the seekers who were once outcast wanderers
will be Rulers of the Revolution



Cinema Paradiso

Alfredo: Living here day by day, you think it's the center of the world. You believe nothing will ever change. Then you leave: a year, two years. When you come back, everything's changed. The thread's broken. What you came to find isn't there. What was yours is gone. You have to go away for a long time... many years... before you can come back and find your people. The land where you were born. But now, no. It's not possible. Right now you're blinder than I am.
Salvatore: Who said that? Gary Cooper? James Stewart? Henry Fonda? Eh?
Alfredo: No, Toto. Nobody said it. This time it's all me. Life isn't like in the movies. Life... is much harder.





Alfredo: Once upon a time, a king gave a feast. And there came the most beautiful princesses of the realm. Now, a soldier, who was standing guard, saw the king's daughter go by. She was the most beautiful one, and he immediately fell in love with her. But what could a poor soldier do when it came to the daughter of the king? Well, finally, one day, he managed to meet her, and he told her that he could no longer live without her. The princess was so impressed by his strong feelings that she said to the soldier: "If you can wait 100 days and 100 nights under my balcony, then at the end of it, I shall be yours." Damn! The soldier immediately went there and waited one day. And two days. And ten. And then twenty. And every evening, the princess looked out of her window, but he never moved. During rain, during wind, during snow, he was always there. The bird shat on his head, and the bees stung him, but he didn't budge. After ninety nights, he had become all dried up, all white, and the tears streamed from his eyes. He couldn't hold them back. He no longer had the strength to sleep. All that time, the princess watched him. And on the 99th night, the soldier stood up, took his chair, and went away.

Salvatore: [later in the film, Toto gives Alfredo his interpretation] ... In one more night, the princess would have been his. But she also could not possibly have kept her promise. And it would have been terrible. He would have died. This way, however, at least for 99 days, he was living under the illusion that she was there, waiting for him.






Salvatore 'Toto' Di Vita - Adult: Elena, perhaps in the future we could...
Elena Mendola - Adult, Director's cut only: No, Salvaotre, there is no future. There is only the past. Even last night's encounter was just a dream. A wonderful dream. When we were young, we never did it. Do you remember? Now that it has happened, I can't imagine a better ending.
Salvatore 'Toto' Di Vita - Adult: I'll never agree with you. Never.





[to Elena]
Alfredo: Out of the fire of love come ashes. Even the greatest love eventually fizzles out.





Alfredo: Get out of here! Go back to Rome. You're young and the world is yours. I'm old. I don't want to hear you talk anymore. I want to hear others talking about you. Don't come back. Don't think about us. Don't look back. Don't write. Don't give in to nostalgia. Forget us all. If you do and you come back, don't come see me. I won't let you in my house. Understand?
Salvatore: Thank you. For everything you've done for me.
Alfredo: Whatever you end up doing, love it. The way you loved the projection booth when you were a little squirt.

Thursday, July 08, 2010

Free





I'd sit with you all night if you showed me your soul, I'd tame the rivers wild if it would give you somewhere to go, and all the dancing stars well I'd fly you up to them, but alas I'm just a crazy horse too free to have a plan.




Monday, July 05, 2010




"We who bore the mark might well be considered by the rest of the world as strange, even as insane and dangerous. We had awoken, or were awakening, and we were striving for an ever perfect state of wakefulness, whereas the ambition and quest for happiness of the others consisted of linking their opinions, ideals, and duties, their life and happiness, ever more closely with those of the herd. They, too, strove; they, too showed signs of strength and greatness. But as we saw it, whereas we marked men represented Nature's determination to create something new, individual, and forward-looking, the others lived in the determination to stay the same. For them mankind--which they loved as much as we did--was a fully formed entity that had to be preserved and protected. For us mankind was a distant future toward which we were all journeying, whose aspect no one knew, whose laws weren't written down anywhere."
— Hermann Hesse (Demian)

Sunday, July 04, 2010

of Cars and Jedi

"There's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but you Feel it. Like a splinter in your mind...driving you mad. It is this feeling which has brought you to me."

-what Morpheus says to Neo.


THAT is the exact opposite of what any systemic expert will tell you. You may say that you are depressed, you may even explain what specifically it is that depresses you, but it is glided over. The Feeling, that there is Something Wrong, with All of this. Means just that> All of this. At the Core of it all. Patching it up with band-aids and self-help chants that have been over-used century after century will not Fix that Feeling. But nobody knows how to fix the core, so of course, everyone tries to wax a broken car and paint it and make it smell lovely and try to pretend that it isn't broken. And if you insist that the car is broken, you're a pessimistic lunatic.

Why I have always said that "psychological illness" is the gateway towards freedom is because it is in these abrupt interruptions from the duty that you are supposed to fill out as a functional homo sapien robot that you can clearly see that the car is broken. The car being the world, the people living in it, every aspect of life around you and life itself.

as to how to Fix the car, at the core, that remains the challenge.
where to go to get that answer has to do with deciphering which source is best to derive it from> which jumps to what is Good, what is Evil, which to be of, and which will ultimately win?


"good" "evil", of course these terms are relative...but there has and currently very much is an active battle going on Everywhere as to firstly What is Good, What is Evil, and secondly, which will win?

in star wars language, good would be the jedi. the jedi does For Others.

evil would be the sith. the sith does For Self.

however both of these definitions I think are flawed.

as if there Was an ultimate good (assuming that Good is the best way to go-which I'm always in conflict about anyway), Good would be Both For Self AND For Others, as there is no rescuing Others, without first rescuing Self. and sometimes, or all the times, rescuing Self is the First and the Hardest battle which may take the Most time. and could therefore be construed as Selfish-to put all focus on Self. but the ultimate Mission is to Use the Self, to Rescue> Others. though during Self Rescue-this is never interpreted nor seen by anyone else other than the self, irritatingly and sadly.


in order to fix the Car, you have to fix the wheels, you have to fix the gears, you have to fix the windows, the locks, the engine, the whole damn thing.

by the time you're done it may look nothing like a car. it may look like a horse. or a tornado.


the solution isn't in fixing to run as it did before it was broken. but to make sure to fix it in such a way that it will never even be a possibility for it to break, period.


no economic ups and downs. no world starvation, hunger, famine then followed by mass euphoric celebration of "helping hands". no false happinesses that only go up and down but are never steady.


what would Evil then be?

Not doing anything for self or for others by way of Ignorance. Evil would be ignoring that the car is broken at all and continuing to act as if everything is hunky dory. An illusion. Evil would also be trying to gain others as vessels to use for your own purposes.


the point however is, in terms of Good and Evil...is that whether that initial Feeling that there is something Wrong with the world...is Good...or Evil.


when Anakin initially fell to the Emperor, and bowed down to him in search of the truths and tools of the underbelly force, the main reason was to train how to use the Force to save his love-Padme. Yet the further this wrong path went, the further away Padme became and in the end she died. But by that time Anakin was already Darth Vader.

All else being equal in terms of magnanimous powers attainable, the Light Force and Dark Force, the difference is in the concept of which one is Good, or Evil, and which is better to be of. Anakin was Supposed to join the galaxies, save the universe, "destroy the sith , not join them". But he joined them due to his own weakness-attachment, and wanting to unnaturally extend the cycles of life and death. Though he was doing this for Another, the Self was at the center of it, and it is thru the Self that he was mind-controlled, manipulated, and fallen. He was Supposed to be The One, but it was his son Luke who ended up being the one-because of his lack of Ego. The Jedi never required any worship in order to learn, and encouraged individual growth thru rigorous discipline and adherence to principles. The Sith are the opposite.

"The bird struggles out of the egg. The egg is the world. Whoever wants to be born, must first destroy a world. The bird flies to God. That God's name is Abraxas."
— Hermann Hesse

At the time, you always think you're doing what's best, what's right for the internal truths within yourself. What's crucial to catch is the moment of whether you'll become Lord Vader, or Luke Skywalker, and how to see the forces around you for what they truly are.


Which is ignorant of what? Is it ignorant of truth to say that the car is broken and is a horrible trap, a continuating cycle of genetic torture? Or is it ignorant of truth to say that the car isn't permanently broken, just glitchy, and is a beautiful blessing of cyclic responsibility? Which perspective is real, which is false? What is the test?

If the Feeling (and perception) comes from Within the Self, how can one be Sure, of anything...


"If only there were a dogma to believe in. Everything is contradictory, everything is tangential; there are no certainties anywhere. Everything can be interpreted one way and then again interpreted in the opposite sense. The whole of world history can be explained as development and progress and can also be seen as nothing but decadence and meaninglessness. Isn't there any truth? Is there no real and valid doctrine?" Joseph Knect said to his Music Master "there is truth, my boy. But the doctrine you desire, absolute perfect dogma that alone provides wisdom, does not exist. Nor should you long for a perfect doctrine, my friend rather, you should long for perfection in yourself. The deity is within you, not in ideas and books. Truth is lived not taught"
— Hermann Hesse