Hope it gives You Hell

by the way: YAY for Britney Spears!!!!!! Now just get back with Justin..........

Well I'm not a Millionaire or bona-fide Rock Star-YET. I'll get there. Til Then, here's to the haters who told me I wouldn't make it THIS far: (sing along with me!) Ya ya its generic but it and The All American Rejects KICK ASS c'mon!!! MUWHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Seriously HATERS, I Love You. You amuse me and make me laugh. See ya in the audience at one of my shows or premieres.
THANK YOU to all the non-haters, Lovers and Believers. We'll reap the rewards Together.


"Gives You Hell"
-The All American Rejects

(woulda shown you guys the music video, but blogspot is disabling embedded videos now. grr.)

Here is the Link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l06M-dsQf3Q


I wake up every evening, with a big smile on my face
And it never feels out of place

And you're still probably working at a 9 to 5 pace
I wonder how bad that tastes

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell

Now where's your picket fence love
And where's that shiny car,
And did it ever get you far?

You've never seem so tense love
I've never seen you fall so hard,
Do you know where you are?

And truth be told I miss you
And truth be told I'm lying

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
If you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well
Then he's a fool, you're just as well, hope it gives you hell

Hope it gives you hell

Tomorrow you'll be thinking to yourself
Where'd it all go wrong, the list goes on and on

And truth be told I miss you
And truth be told I'm lying

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
If you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well
Then he's a fool, you're just as well, hope it gives you hell

Now you'll never see, what you've done to me
You can take back your memories they're no good to me
And here's all your lies,
You can look me in my eyes
With that sad sad look that you wear so well

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
If you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well
Then he's a fool, you're just as well, hope it gives you hell

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you hear this song and sing along oh you'll never tell
Then you're the fool, I'm just as well
Hope it gives you hell
When you hear this song I hope that it will give you hell
You can sing along I hope that it will treat you well

This song is brilliantly multi-layered. And obviously, it's aimed at Everyone including Me, lol, so me posting it is hilarious. DUHHHHH. However, I do resonate with it, Entirely. The only thing that bugs me about it is that it implies nobody else can do it, which everyone Can. That's the problem with a lot of celebrities these days, they forget their roots and where they came from. Sui Generis-my old band and I wrote a song very similar to this 5 years ago. (and yes of course I'm going to say ours is better. Because lyrically I'm layered and never plain.) It was called "Sheep's Clothing". BUT, each and every artist and song is DIFFERENT and has a DIFFERENT purpose. No better or worse......Props to The All American Rejects. You'll see me on those charts in 10 years or so. However long it takes.

Peace!

I hope they like their picket fences.....

Guess who's made more progress in 2 weeks in Hollywood than many who've been there for years?

Guess who has 4 reputable acting & modeling agencies in Hollywood interested in signing her? (I already have representation in New Zealand and Hawaii, but aimed to get representation in Hollywood)

Guess who's about to sign an agency contract with one of them in January? (have been reviewing it over the past week).

Guess who's gonna have a small, but notable part in an upcoming blockbuster?

Guess who's already had several paid shoots?

Guess who's been inside a real Hollywood sound studio?

Guess who's got jobs lined up for January?

Guess who's got a place on Sunset Boulevard for a price that is incredibly ridiculously cheap?

Guess who's developed professional relationships with industry contacts in film, music and art?

Guess who's found wonderful people who have been incredibly kind and helpful?

Guess who's down-to-earth and happy?

Guess who's powerful?

Guess who's a dork nerd doofus?

Guess who is enjoying every minute?

Guess who's spending a merry time in San Fran with her family before Jan (while working on things in LA via net lol)?

Guess who sees her partner and blood via Skype whenever possible remaining strong in our 5 year relationship regardless of long-distance!?

Hmm.


GRATEFUL TO ALL!!!! I Love My Life! All success and failure is shared. I'm doing this for me and for ALL of YOU who BELIEVE in Yourselves and Stick To Your Visions. Thank YOU.

Work Smart. Believe. Keep at it. Things Happen.

Ciao!

Merry You-mas

it is not Christ or God who has the power, whether to heal, destroy or elevate. it is YOU. You are that unexplained phenomena. YOU are the one who gets you thru the hardest time. It is YOUR harness of that energy, that unexplainable energy around us, which releases YOU into freedom.

everything the bible says is valid. Everything. When I say that, I am not referring to the historical literacies which some may interpret at "fact". View the bible as a great myth that has a depth of meaning. Don't take things too literally like a whale swallowing a man or the value of pi being equated to the number of 3 instead of it's actual mathematical value. The points about value in humanity, the love for mankind, the transcendent state of mentality in which the "kingdom of heaven" exists, the will to continue to have faith even when all else indicates otherwise, believing that things do have a reason and that as shitty as something gets there IS a purpose and a lesson which you may not have realized yet, all of that, Listen to it and heed it. I've written about all of this in my book, but wherever it comes from, so long as people get the message, YAY. the bible is the most accessible, universally, to all people thus far. do look beyond the text, and also remember that the bible was written by Many people, not one, and it is more a systemic faith of people rather than a description of a biological "fact". It is a collective description, experienced, felt , and claimed to be seen, by a collection of people, at different times throughout history who felt some unexplained truth and were united by it.

this kingdom of heaven business.

Now, many interpret this "kingdom" as being a building or a place. It is WITHIN YOU. don't misunderstood the phrase "kingdom of heaven on earth". many christians misunderstand it too.

it's not a place. or a building. or a collection of intermediaries.

its a place within the spirit, within the mind and foresight. some take millenia just to Reach that mentality. others, reach it sooner. but that Understanding, is the metaphorical Kingdom of Heaven. Thru that SIGHT, you see both a broken leg and a sunset as being the same in beauty, magic and transcendence. consequently, that the bible's definition of good and evil, is very basic. and that, evil and dark, CAN and SHOULD be embraced just as goodness and light. the church fears evil, because they misinterpret what they have read. evil is nothing more than responding to instinct. and instinct can also be controlled. that does not make it neither good nor evil.

Back to the point "eveything in the bible is right". > with the one exception of it being centered around "christ">son of god or "god".

It is YOU. you will say, ah, but where does "YOU" come from. science says the womb, nature. the bible, same thing but in a cosmic way. I say, YOU came into existence because you WILLED your way INTO existence. Yes, even before you were born, your energy, your spirit was present, and it was strong enough, to materialize the THOUGHT and IDEA of YOU, into actual physicality.

most forget about all this.

ALEXANDER held an empire by the age of 25.

the "mysterious force" which allowed him to do this was HIMSELF.

I Love LA!!!!!!!!

Meeeeep!!!!


I EXPECTED to Hate LA. and I am so damn pleasantly surprised. I fuckin LOOOOVEEEE it here man!!! Geeeez I love it.

by the way, all these media reports and mainstream perception that LA is some evil hellhole is BS so far as I see it, letting all of you know who are outside of LA. This place thus far is safer than any city I've lived in before, and I've lived in my fair share of creepiness. The people are also Very kind, another misconception. I've received a lot of Help in my short time here, totally unexpected.

The only kinda icky thing that happened thus far is, I arrived Saturday, and Sunday my wallet got stolen, with all my "shit" in it. Oh well, things happen. It's all gravy. It technically got "lost", but then when I looked back at the place where I dropped it, it was gone, so an opportunist must have picked it up.

musicians, artists, everyone just walkin on the streets, sunset and hollywood.....saw DAVE KOZ holy shit, well I didn't actually "see him", but while I was preparing before a meeting in beverly hills (i know holy shit. beverly hills. weeeeeee. lol. i'm a doofus.) , I saw his name on the bill at the wilshire theatre. Damn. this is just so fantabulous its gooey.

yes yes you want to know how everything is going. And I will tell you. for now hold on to your socks and wait for results I can show you.

bleeee bleeeaaaaa me love likey la. weee. mk. byebye 4 now.

The Will To Act

Something I have not shared with you. Last week my beloved macbook completely and unexpectedly crashed, I was in the middle of writing an article here (which is now lost). It was one of my best thus far. It was about many things, though the fluid concept was the conflict of peace/hermit existence vs. the achievement/ego and fight of the entertainment industry jungle.

Yes my mac has been fixed, and all is great. I back up all my data on an external drive so the major components of my work, finished books, writing, art, music, photography, mathematics theories, modeling portfolio, films, etc. were all saved. I did lose a lot of new data that I had created the two weeks prior to the nervous breakdown of my mac, but it has all been stored in my brain and when I make time I will attempt to re-write it.

This is my first entry since the breakdown, which is a bit traumatic for me. The mac breaking down was a murphy's law, ironic moment for me. Naturally I am quite skeptical, but I also believe very strongly in my vision and that anything is possible, for anyone. Reality constantly tests my theory and I am constantly questioned by others as being delusional. The mac was the source of all my work. I had a 7 gb database of photographs off of the internet, built up over the last two years that I used for artistic inspiration and strength. I had 155 gb of work material: music, writing, art, etc. It had all my web browser bookmarks of sites which were exceedingly brilliant to me/or informative which took a lot of time to find, my writing, art, music, everything was organized on my desktop and harddrive exactly the way I wanted it, which had taken a lot of time to arrange. Basically if you imagine an entire life on a computer, this was it. I was so thrilled that I had my mac, because I could use what was on it to show to industry execs. And, when this Great thing had just happened about getting meetings in Hollywood, almost too good to be true, it felt like the universe was laughing at me, telling me HAHAHHAA you think you've been fighting, struggling and in pain for so long and its now over? HAHAHA here you go, solve this one. Obviously it is still only a device, and it is not wise to attach to materialistic things, but this was a useful tool for me, especially with showing industry people, friends, family , my work in an easily understandable way. The irony of it all, was that on top of the chaotic crazy schedule I Already had, the clients I had to keep in contact with which my main contact is Email (no other internet access or comp or money to go to internet cafes), those clients being my Income, and preparing for LA, just when Finally an opportunity had come along, Bang my mac crashed. I immediately jumped to fix it, and I had a lot of unexpected support and help from a certain friend who I am very grateful for. That was another turning point, Asking help from people, a strange and irritating concept to me. I fixed it on my own of course, but the beginning process I actually told a few people what happened and one of them jumped as many hoops as possible to help me. It got fixed. In the big spectrum of things, this is absolutely nothing. Less than infinitely insignificant. Me is me, my work is my work, computer or no computer, internet or no internet. But when I was in that moment, it Felt like the "end of the world". As I continue to tell people, your Emotions can be more powerful than any Reality that you are in. I just want to tell everyone, shit happens, accept that it does. And it's not even shit! I look at this all as a great opportunity. Because my mac had to be erased back to its original, factory settings, it was like opening up a brand new mac. It was a cleansing of the past two years, in preparation for LA, like a fresh new me. And plus, I did have all my data backed up. Yes, it will take a lot of time to re-organize everything and re-build bookmarks and such, but it's also exciting to be able to start from scratch, again. It is important to see the light and blessing in any situation. I made sure I didn't let this event distract me from LA, or make up all my tendencies of connecting and analyzing of the Meaning behind everything. I just did my best to see it for what it was, a technical error. Not some message from the universe, or a sign. Just a technical error. And if I had to be meaningful about it, a big blessing of impetus from the universe giving me a house-cleaning! In addition, preparing me for any instance when possibly it might crash again in LA, to make sure I have alternate ways of doing business. I'm grateful and thankful for this event. In addition, to the support & help from my Helms, my anonymous angel friend, and the instant help offered by those whom I told. Makes my heart radiate.

And thus....I am back on! Like the belgian horse I got back on after I painfully fell off at 13, I force myself to embrace, then conquer my fears, however small or large they are.

Here is something I found in my hard-copy database of notes as I was sorting out thru stuff to take to LA.

I wrote it sometime at 14 (I think).

"No, you're wrong. I'm not a story.
I'm not a fantasy or a dream.
I wasn't given the perfect genes, or the perfect abilities. or the perfect environment.
All I ever had was the will to be better.
Better than me. Better than perfect.
So now you know.
And you could have done it too.
But now you've wasted your life and tried to kill mine."

You Attract What You THINK

My soul is as wide as the ocean. My heart is as free as the sky. My brain is as wise as the mountains. My intent is as swift as the tiger's tooth.

I feel grateful, excited, focused, determined.....something grand happened today. stay tuned........


Helms....You Are My FORCE.
also..I Love Love Love Love LOOOOVe my Mom, and Love Love Love LOOOVE my Dad.
THANK YOU TO EACH AND EVERY INDIVIDUAL FOR THEIR DEEP SUPPORT! As well as every HATER. You telling me I couldn't do something propelled me even further.


** UPDATE

So what was the big news?

A "power player" has taken interest in me, and is introducing me to 5 top studios & executives in LA in Dec.
There's a hell of a lot more goodness in that, but basically that's the fantastico news!!!! Weeee!!!!!!!

I am feeling the combination of being exuberantly focused and ..shitting in my pants. Adrenaline junkie...So. Gotta be Prepared as I possibly can, Market/Package myself as best as I can, and just be the Power Force which is Me!!! I mean DAMN. FINALLLLY. 20 fuckin years battlin'....

"I wanna run down the halls of my highschool....I wanna bust down the double doors...and when I stand on these tables before you....you will know what all this Time was for....."-John Mayer "No Such Thing

p.s If you wanna know the fuller story, lemme know. For all parties involved I'd prefer to protect their privacy and not give out names. (I'm probably also not authorized to! lol).

Fame as still as a Mountain

She closed her eyes and descended further into the secret abyss. Part of the tiny joys that put pinpricks along her spine was the unknown, being in it and breathing it. Every plant, the curvature of the spear shaped leaves, the blue openness of the sky was perfect. She was on top of everything, God. What a humbling megalomania, to be on top of a mountain looking down at the ocean, the people tiny, the buildings miniscule. It made her aware of the insignificance of one human in comparison to the great big Earth, universe, galaxies. Simultaneously, how easily fame bridged that gap of insignificance and self-importance.



If she were to walk down the rocky mountain to the pink, yellow and blue structures below she would be instantly recognizable. Here, in this town somewhere on the outskirts of the city, oblivious to the hub of celebrity life, she could still create total chaos. One un-sunglassed walk into a local dairy below and in 5 minutes half the town's populace would be lining the block fighting each other for an autograph, even just a glimpse of her. So wrong it was, this mask of over-pompous importance, but how true it was. On the mountains, in nature's power, surrounded by evanescent wind and such radiant colours, it was a human that dominated the world.



How lost their race was. How anxious to believe in something, to hope that one person's life could hold such a gravity. How beautiful they all were, fragile and corruptible.



Bring a man to the mountains and sit him on the highest cliff. Show him now near his fingers are to the highest clouds. Let a man grasp how much power he holds within. And pray that in his confidence, he may still be humble.



She watched the sun shining its' rays over the sparkling water. The pact had been made, her and nature, nature and her, but soon it would be only a memory. She walked further into the abyss, preparing the mask she would have to wear, as the mountain covered itself with grass and weeds, she too would keep this peace hidden within her, would show only her designer sunglasses and tanned face to the hordes of her followers below.



Someday, she hoped she's bring all her fans onto the mountain, let them all feel the infinite wisdom of branches, ocean and hawks. It would be a union of all humans, drenched in the warm arms of planet Earth.



Someday her fame would be more than a bridge between spirituality and materialism.




Someday it would hold the power of a still mountain.

The Universal Human Condition and Its Thwarted Cure

Why do people read, write, listen to music, work, do anything at all besides dream?



Because all of humanity is secretly lonely, a loneliness felt deep within the soul of a unilateral existence. We seek anything that shows us in some min-ute way that in our loneliness we all feel the same, that we are understood, that our lives, while utterly alone, will never be insignificant or forgotten because Someone Else has understood us. Someone we may have never met, that thru their craft communicates perfectly those hidden nuances in our souls which to us were always felt, but uncommunicable. A client in a law firm. A singer on stage. An author of a book. A scientist with a theory. We, in our incredible loneliness, are all each other's significant Icons. To ourselves, we are only ourselves. But to others, we are the promise and fulfillment of complete understanding of the soul. What we see in a mirror is somebody else's answer, someone else's dream. We are all an icon to someone else. The thread of how a tapestry works is that each individual thread cannot make anything unless intertwined with another. Thus, the idea of Love, the complete solution to this pattern. From 2 individual threads, one is woven. From 1000 individual humans, a society is made.




In all our loneliness, we are alone. But to anyone else, we are a part, a vital part of their imagination and hope. We play some crucial piece of the jigsaw puzzle they try to solve every day.



Insanity is one of the cures of loneliness in which a person makes up many different people, thoughts, observations, and therefore connections (instead of normalcy which requires different people to have separate identities, purposes and meanings to the individual), the insane person instead of seeking the world and all its occupants of people and lifestyles, brings the world to himself, manifesting it in his/her own head.



Therefore is incapable of interacting with anything else other than one's own mind. Due to lack of communication, lack of understanding by other humans, this individual becomes categorized as "diseased". When any human being is able to relate to others, they become iconic, a representation of true Cure of soul-felt loneliness.



An insane person sacrifices relatability to others for relatability to his/her own self.



He/she becomes a nonety, a person not able to relate to others, thus seen by others as somewhat useless.



Humans want desperately to find a connection, understanding, validation, whether in the form of human relatability, or monetary gain, or status socially, or even extreme dislike for it shows the reverse of connection.



But an insane person is indifferent to social needs and wants. And is therefore an outcast by his own solution to loneliness, with a world inside the mind instead of living in the external one. In order to solve this loneliness, the human must succumb to his insanity. By doing so, he/she will be free, but in the eyes of the humans around him, no longer fully, human.

a thought on Love

Knowing and loving him, to the depths of so many platforms of connection has given me an enlightenment comparable to nothing before or after it.

Love is more than ultimate obsession. More than devotion, care, commitment, responsibility; it is a depth beyond anything else. It transcends our superficial existence and bites a dagger thru its core. It shakes us, questions us, throws us in a million directions and splits us apart. Those who have never known it, oh how I wish you could. Simultaneously, previously being part of that percentage which doubts its existence, and its "grandeur", I can firmly say without a doubt that it is Nothing like fairy tales or movies. It is More. It is on a level deeper and filled with greater journeys than the wildest imagination could dream. Journeys of the mind, the conscious, the subconscious, the gut, the libido, all of it.

What I feel for you is the most human love, and the most supernatural transcendental power of any miracle. I Love You.

THE LILIANA SUPREMACY WALLPAPER

Genius

here are some new song lyrics of mine. (it all rhymes to the tune in my mind. haven't recorded the music yet.)


"Genius"

i think i have a skewed perception
every thought is opposite from what they think
i'd rather be a hermit than popular
rather be of original substance than a #1 hit

all the picket fence brainwash
yea I flew above that from the start
they tell me life is only one way
i see it all as art

oh and i walked on water
when jesus was frozen in my kidneys
i have supernatural powers
i can soar when i'm asleep

chorous:

i'm a paranoid schizophrenic
hypomanic A.D.D
bipolar and a depressive OBCD

in my eyes i see the future
it's anything i want it to be
they all wanna call me crazy
i know i'm a genius. a genius.

this is how all genius speaks



been called ugly, beautiful, hot
and everything in between
you will find across all borders
you're only as big as you believe

delusional, said all the uppers
as i shared my plans to change the world
"its the ego that destroys you"
settle for a life less bold

you got all your labels
i got all my brain
i know i'm not the only one
who sees it all this way

voice-over bridge:

Kahlo, Einstein, Plath, Da Vinci
Nash, Plato, Gates, Manson, Shakespeare
They all had a vision nobody understood
Now the world bows to the ones they ridiculed


chorous x2

Irony

there's a birdie in my heart
watch it dance and sing a lot
feathers grow as it dances
flying upon currents of time

there's a poison in my veins
watch it soak into the trees
when the nests are being built
it will slowly, surely kill

YouAreTheREVOLUTION

Change is Everywhere. It's all Free. It's all Love. Can you SEE IT?! Can you Smell IT? Open yourself to it. Do not let Fear and Cynicism overtake you. Young People! Old People! That label doesn't even matter anymore, nor does race, sex, religion, political influence. You are a carbon-based form vessel, individualizing yourself thru everything you see, everything you do. That nagging thing in your mind, Listen to it will you?!!! It's the thing that defies any and all present logic and creates huge opportunities, solutions and new dimensions of thought that are unique to only you. Listen to your instincts, to your deepest, truest beliefs because those are what matter. Everything else is noise. The Internet, GRAND. 10 years ago I couldn't have the massive audience after just typing something up, or drawing, or painting, or making music. It is Now! FAN FUCKING TASTIC. 10 years ago it wasn't possible to make more money out of an invisible entity like webspace than in an "office job". Nay not even that! It's a matter of opening your mind to the Possibility of something Working. "Hmm, I wonder if I walk down this street today and ask every person for $5. What's the worst thing that could happen, ...oh what will everyone think.." "I wonder if I just hugged this person coming towards me, this stranger. Nah. They'd think I was a pervert." "I wonder...I wonder if I did "X" would it work?" I am a Dragon Jaguar representation of this change and let me tell you it is all SO FUCKING POSSIBLE ITS RIDICULOUS. I taught myself everything I know (dance, cooking, music, art, health, love, business, ...basic "SKool" subjects, all the things that click like de ja vou when I bump into them) institutionalized education hasn't made the cut for many years. Knowledge is everywhere, Grab it! Though its not actually "learning" so much as it is recollecting what I already knew within myself. Actual knowledge is putting into application that which is in your mind; for the part of you that nobody but you sees, to be released and visible. That is all your soul, your entire being Yearns and Aches to do. Everything flows, anything is possible, and that is not naive or day-dreamy self-help fodder, its fucking REAL people. If your life isn't twisting and turning in quite the way you want it to, never doubt what you knew or were seeking originally. Time, space, people, the weather, it takes a while for these forces to catch up to the idea in you. Experiment with yourself and see just how far your vision can take you. It's euphoric! Don't ever quit being you or thinking the way you think. Be adaptable, be versatile and able to change, but retain your YOU-NESS. Things that make perfect sense in your brain are likely to be nonsense to your "real-world logic". Fuck it. Do it anyway. Just to piss yourself off, kick yourself in the ass and love yourself all at once. See, its so hard, so miserable, so excruciating to Trust Yourself, because it would mean that everything which is around you doesn't fit. It means that You are your own answer, and you have the responsibility to live up to whatever that answer is, to change what doesn't fit, BECAUSE ONLY YOU AND NO OTHER BEING HAS IT! Minimum wage, mortgage, deaf, blind, hungry, poor, legless, raped, abused, fucked, ignored, skewered, unappreciated, all of it is a triangle trying to convince you of your destiny. Beating you up, scaring you, making you into a terrorized square when what you really are is a brilliant hexagon. Shut up all the outside fuss. Don't let anyone or anything external define who and what you are (this writing included.) What is Your destiny? What is Your path? Well, only you know that. Listen!

TheLilianaStore

The Liliana Store is in the process of being built. All Artworks, Music, Photography, Writings, Poetry, Books & Novels (and probably other "etceteras") will be available for you to own. The Anomaly Infinite book project is now available thru lulu, see below under link: The Liliana Store. 2 of the major works (The Anomaly Infinite multi-genre, multi-media book project and Cacaoethes Scribendi: The Urge To Write Poetry, Photography & Artwork book have been Finished since 2007 (also available thru lulu publishing) and I continue to look for a bigger publisher. If anyone is interested Email me!! Music is available for download on www.myspace.com/lilianaalam
Keep checking this page for the website update of The Liliana Store. If you're interested in owning any Liliana work, send me an email. You can buy a replica or poster version of the original. Look for the paypal logo which will look something like this:

If you see this under or beside any LILIANA creation on any LILIANA websites, you can purchase whatever is listed. Yay! lol.

Thank you to each individual for your continuing valuable feedback, support and love.

Golden

It's not a moment in time
it's Time's Moment
you remember it all
because it's Golden

that spark of magic you felt
aint no illusion
the precious presence of life
in something simple

the den's dawn and its dusk
kinda chocolatey red brown
your eyes are open and closed
your mind's dancin on clouds

you find the peace that lifts you up
you gotta pull it thru you
let it seep thru your gut
push your soul into you

a few seconds you had
a million moonsets ago
that sweet nostalgia's enough
to electrify the future

don't let it all go
tell yourself that it's past
in the same dimension as now
you're still in that moment!

shoelaces untie when they're dirty
but the mud that soaked thru
is proof you've run thru it
don't let go, don't let it up

the time was then
the time is now
the time's the future
don't forget that The Moment's Golden

"If you see the wonder....
in a Fairy Tale
You can face the future
even if you fail

I Believe in Angels

Something good in everything I see..

I have a Dream....

I have a Dream..."


guess where that's from....

Note: this is not one of my works. I had a big urge calling to find an artwork that captured "intense passion love" perfectly, which for me this does, what I see in my head and heart when I think of, unfortunately don't know who the artist is who depicted it so grandly, anyone knows let me know to give due credit! Also what was kind of strange/cool/great/or maybe just coincidence is the man/character depicted in this painting looks so much like Helms, and its rare to find love/art paintings where the male character is depicted with a darker skin tone, with lighter brown curly hair. I LOVE THIS WORK. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE IT. So URGENT SO GRAND SO BEAUTIFUL SEDUCTIVE PASSION OBSESSION FIRE SWEAT BLOOD PAIN CARE COMPASSION...LOVE I Love the multi-layering it has as well, figures on the bottom, everything from loving to erotic, light to dark.

a still mind

see the cherry blossom
vine creeping into pink submission
seedling growing from the waterfall of life
i run
galloping past every tree
my tongue tasting the coils
of tightly coiled plants beneath the ground
they too sense my presence
as the ants who clean their home march forward
my breath slices the blossom from its branch
twirling in honour,
she falls to the earth
I bow
my cheeks, tinged with pink.

Soulbeat

observe the shallows in the marsh
so keenly the trees wave and josh
watch the seagulls dance their dance
stare until you have no glance

hear the nuances within the song
play music as if the land and you were one
feed the desires of your instinct
banish only that toxicity which retains

live the wise but do not be the sage
frolic freely as long as is the day
do not concern yourself too much with set reality
the only rules which are present are the ones you perceive

Love in Blood, Fire, Ice, Depth and Earth
run thru forests to sense your birth
create as much as your whim inspires
give yourself the gift of recording life

be the instrument of a thousand thoughts
embrace what is of worth, seek to understand all that which is not
be the legend, be the great, for pursuit of the classic
and not ego's false games

the crazy ideas, those are the best
and what use is money if you can't be bold with it?
smell all the juices and touch diverse skin
let the creative force flow thru you at will

cherish each shining moment
contemplate who you are
seek the path which fulfills your soul
and most importantly, taste the world

What A Waste It Would Be....To Not Dance In The Sea

So bizarre, this feeling that overwhelms me. It rushes thru my spinal fluid and heart. Oh joy that the inspiration has become me, I am alive, I am running, I am the lark. How hard the mind wants to work, to reach a euphoric trascendence. To finally at last be worthy of immortal remembrance. The great idea, the final phrase. A love that forever seeps into roses and escapades. The ideal, is it worth more than the active course. The eye which sees the future is our instinctual urge. How do we know what we want. Do not we eventually attain it somehow. Thru pure coincidence our fate is bound. I hunger for more, and the answer to. This insanity which captures my fingers and glues me to...The darkest alley in the shadow of the prostitutes, on the chance that it may bring me further to my great pursuit. Inside the mortal minds of men, the perplexed confusion leads us further into our true selves. I connect the stars in the sky to the arrow upon which now I fly. And there the birds sit somberly and talk to me. And there I always am searching to be.

On Morality

Morality is what a parent's own system of belief, which they received from their own parents, is injected upon the lives of their children. Morality is a circular concept which is difficult to trace due to its very nature. It is created by humans and entirely manufactured to the rules of modern society, whatever society those humans might be living in. Morality in Africa could mean respecting your parents enough to have tattoos painfully marked into your skin and raping 12 year old virgins. In America it could mean leaving the home by 18 and upon completion of virtuous, college education, buying your parents a ritual token of your love, such as a vacation to an exotic place payed for by you, or an object of value that took you 4 years of hard work in low-pay minimum wage jobs. All for the sake of eventually becoming a person of "character". Character, let's analyze this bizarre notion. That by following a specific set of behaviours, by performing specific deeds somewhat like a monkey without a brain, you eventually earn the respect of those humans around you. It makes me want to shoot anyone I see in the street. Clones of the same process. And if you love someone, that depth of feeling and enormous chemical surge in every vein of your body is not enough. It has to be proven with buying trinkets of affection, or making grand gestures, or remembering to be compassionate and caring. Of course you want the one you love to be happy. But yet again, what does Happy mean? Happy in modern society means having a job which you enjoy which gives you a comfortable income, a dwelling of some sort, a family who you love, physical health and spiritual satisfaction. How fantasmical. A do-list of things to make happiness possible. This notion that character, morality, happiness, are actual real things continually shows the true, beautiful hopeful nature of humans, and also their ultimate stupidity. We are all hermits. Completley isolated. I Am an island. No matter how deeply I love someone, there will be circumstances somehow, sometime in which we will be physically separate. Yes, emotional and spiritual feelings cross boundaries of physical distance and once a person who you would kill yourself for has entered your life, you will never stop loving them. But, you are still a hermit. If you want to live in society, you must follow its rules. Rules such as morality and social conscience. Rules that say you are not allowed to sleep naked on the beach at night without being declared psychotic, homeless, or dangerous. Rules that dictate you must have a job which provides money for you to live in your dwelling. Social rules which require you have regular dinner parties and engage in petty conversations by the workforce waterhole. Rules that demand that you must open up your feelings, philosophies, thoughts and ideas to strangers who thru the process of you opening up become your friends, thus making you a valuable addition to society. To be a true hermit, your only choice is to work for a long time to make enough money to buy a ticket to the remotest part of the world and live by traveling thru woods, perhaps naked, and eating whatever natural produce you find along the way. Survival is optional, and not mandatory because of your mortgage, and your crying babies, and your spousely duties. You are free. But, if you have an emotional attachment to someone, who is your very blood and life, you won't be fully free unless they are by your side. When caring for yourself, it doesn't matter as much if you have eaten or slept in a comfortable tree. But if the one you love is beside you, you want to spray some magical dust on everything which they touch to ensure it is worthy to be walked on, looked upon, or anything by them. You want the rocks to be soft, the sand to be smooth, the sky to be the continuous hue which they like, for them to not worry about anything. This very longing, this want and need to control the environment which surrounds your love, is the basis of the beginning of morality. Morality would not exist if there was only one person occupying the planet. For once there are two people, a trap exists. A freedom, true, that thru the exchange of physical lust, mental stimulation, idea convergence, understanding of some undefinable truth, obsession of a singular entity other than yourself, an insatiable hunger, thru this, is euphoria and transcendence. But, it is also the basis of human error. We could be so free, so completely pure and have everything that we want if we didn't fool ourselves into thinking we are all one unit. Most people want freedom. Not knowing how to attain it, they have various plans and ways of trying. There are the traditionalists who work hard throughout grade and high school, graduate from a respectable university and work hard at a job for 40 years, then retire and sail around the world. There are the entreperneural types who go the route of business, usually achieving the same but in a less amount of time. Then there are the art-inclined who either achieve this freedom at a young age, or continue to be paid pennies for their creative existance but find freedom within it, and probably never get to retire and sail around the world. To each, freedom is still an individual thing. For an artist, it would be to paint, to be free to paint whatever he or she wanted, at whatever time, and to be able to eat and sleep somewhere without worrying about where the money would be coming from. For those with families, it is about having enough money to be able to spend as much time with as possible. For the achievement inclined, it is about how many awards and accolades and perhaps monetary compensation they can earn as possible. Even an individual in love, in freedom, hopes to be with the one they love, but that want is an internal, individual phenomenon that comes from within their own mind. Morality, makes all these individual freedoms somewhat impossible. An artist paints what he/she wants to paint, and many times what that is is not what anyone else wants to see. In order for them to survive, they must paint an image which others want to see, because money, comes from others. Because of this fair ethics policy in society, an individual should not be forced to do something they don't want to do. An artist could not hold up someone at gunpoint and demand them to pay for their painting. A businessman cannot blackmail a client into purchasing a property or joining on a deal. It is these matters, which many choose to ignore. There are those in society who follow these laws of morality, and those living in society who do not. Many times it is difficult to distinguish who is and who isn't. People, when dealing with other people, will either manipulate the perceptions other people have of them thru talking or will be true to the selves they are when there are no people around. The point of morality, and existance of it can be summed up with just that. Who are you when there are no other people around. What do you do when you are alone. What thoughts do you think, what dreams do you dream? If who you are when you are alone is in conflict with who you are when you are amidst other people, the concept of morality is void. It is a mask of social construct, because people do not want to be themselves around other people. It limits freedom, to show so much of yourself. People are inherently selfish, and are inherently hermits. They fail to realize it because they want acceptance for who they are, or rather who they pretend to be in front of others. If there were no other people on the planet, no other beings or animals or plants, what would you do? Morality exists because society determines there is a need for it. Different societies have different moralities. The individual mindset is individual, and will never be fully equal to what any other person feels is innately sound for them. Society limits the individual by falsely promising freedom. Freedom, which if you live entirely alone, is already yours. Morality is the ultimate fraud of man. And man is scared of himself, his true self. The self that is violent. The self that survives. The self that subjects itself to pain and awareness and the instincts of nature. He fears the guttaral impulses he possesses and strives to erase them. Thru shirts, policies, moral conduct, taxes, road rules, licenses, marriages, committments, concepts of honour and justice and dignity, all of these exist only because man does not love his true, naked self. Morality is self-hatred disguised by a society of those who secretly hate themselves.

On Masturbation

Masturbation is the highest level of self control possible. To exert the entirety of one's body to the point of orgasm/ejaculation is transcending. The focus required to successfully release a series of contracting pulses is not only healthy, but necessary. Morality, again, and the Religious Way, prohibits self-fulfillment. Because religious fanatics and The Moral are secretly self-hating. To give the body pleasure would be to admit that the body is capable of pleasure, and to admit that would be to say that a human is self-sufficient. A human can grow vegetables, walk, reproduce, and masturbate. Natural functions, most of which are discouraged by society, especially in the case of masturbation in overly-frequent amounts. Masturbation requires an attention to the tiny nuances of pressure and touch which stimulate the body to experience hungry sensations. A hunger that is similar to an itch, simultaneously pleasurable and painful. As most truly erotic pleasures are, pain is a subsidiary. The fingers, neck, collarbone, shoulders, back, butt, calves, legs, thighs, hair, ears, nose, mouth, lips, each a vital part in the construction of the human pleasure vehicle. The neglectful beliefs of sexual activists is that they forget about how immensely pleasurable the details can be. A specific touch at a specific temperature on a specific part of the body equates in a more pleasurable orgasm. To understand, to love and to touch all parts of the body and not just common erogenous zones is a matter of awareness and acceptance. Love. The beauty of the body, of each contraction, of each wave. This is not entirely dependent on emotional love. Emotional love comes from within loving onesself. When truly loving onesself, loving another's body is automatic. The best sex is thru this understanding. The connection felt during masturbation is perfect. That perfection is achieved with another only if both have both truly masturbated by themselves and taken the time to know what their body desires and responds to. Sex, is not about actions, nor is it about emotions. It is about an individual understanding of the body, and how the body relates to the mind, to the psyche, to the emotional sphere of the brain. These elements are crucial to the physical process of sex, the gravity of force and lack of it. Masturbation is about understanding yourself. Modern society encourages you to understand others, not yourself. Which is why few ever achieve true sexual fulfillment. Women are encouraged to attain to their partner's needs, men encouraged to have the stamina to fulfill their women. Neither is addressing the most basic human need, to feel sexual satisfaction within one's own mind. Listen to the urges you have within yourself while you masturbate. Suck your fingers if there is an impulse to put your mouth around an object. Lick your hand if there is an impulse to taste. Move, move hips, move legs, kick, if there is the natural instinct to do so. These impulses will be alive and muscle-automated during sex with another lover. If you had not masturbated, you would have picked up these signals during intercourse with another and would not be able to determine whether they were yours, or theirs, or how to do them. The interference of others prevents self happiness. And self happiness should be strived for because self exploration Is self happiness.These are the actions which masturbation helps us to understand about ourselves. It is only thru self-discovery when we will learn about how to satisfy another. Most importantly though, that each satisfies the individual self, and that thru this individual satisfaction, mutual satisfaction is met. Without masturbation, this bliss is not possible.

On The Principle Of Living

Plants and animal life are programmed with cell-death. They all eventually die. With the best possible estimates, let us say humans live an approximate maximum of 100 years.

Now what I have seen of humans is a rapturous high energy. It is mostly positive. Though not humble. It is an emotion of great Awe. Because of the realization of how limited time left, everyone packs as much into each moment as possible. The energy is action, to do. More experiences, more work, more activities, more anything, in a desperate effort to thank the sources of nature (and parents) and redeem our morality thru the principle of hard work, humans have masked their innate fear of dying as unfinished people by over-achieving and over-doing in any aspect of life. Not that there is anything wrong with it. I only ask, maybe the focus of life shouldn't be so much of trying to squeeze in 100 lives into 100 years, but to enjoy the limited time we have and enjoy it specifically for that reason. How about doing nothing for a change, and simply, being?

Horizon

We must open our minds to accept all limitless possibilities, or even then, that there are limits in possibilities which make them eternal. To see life with the eyes of an alien. To not give in to the rules and perceptions which surround us, but see every day as completely different from yesterday and tomorrow. To look at a person without looking for ways to explain their existence, but accept their entirety as an ocean. We must believe that what we see is what we allow or don't allow ourselves to view. We must accept that in striving to Understand we are actually striving further away from Life. That in becoming blind to our own logic, we will only then truly see.

We Must Unlearn, What We Have Learned.

"Liliana Alam a.k.a TheAnomalyInfinite Update" Issue 11

**********************************************************************************************************
"TheAnomalyInfinite a.k.a Liliana Alam is a Writer, Model, Artist,
Musician, Researcher, Actress, Spiritual advisor, Humanitarian,
Mentalism master (the art of kineticism), Athlete, Inventor, Chef,
Philosopher, Martial Artist, Mathematician, Producer, Dancer, Health &
Sex guru, a Genius, a Visionary, CEO and Co-founder of
EmpireEnterprises, Equestrian, Entrepreneur. AI's unique method of
doing everything, doing it with "The AI flavour" versatile genius, and
easily navigating between vast areas of expertise, makes her the first
of her kind. A child prodigy hidden from the public eye, AI "did it
all" by the age of 10.
Now at Only 20!! she's grown to being it all, and is now
sharing her story with the world. Witness the Rise of AI." -
www.LilianaAlam.com

***********************************************************************************************************

--------------------
When they tell you to
Quit!
Don't.
When you think you won't
"make it"
You Won't.
For the battle my friend
Is not for the Talented to win
Not for the Perfects
or those of Beauty
The Battle is neither
good nor bad
And who you Fight against
is often Yourself


Remember Dear Dreamers
That what you Dream
Is only an idea
Until you make it into Reality

Oh but the Glorious Idea!
The very world started
with just such!
One crazy man and a
Simple Light Bulb

The Future of Your Now
Is blueprinted in your Head
So Listen to your Visions
and Never Doubt Yourself

Have you thunk you've Worked til' Exhaustion?
Ha! Work Harder Still!
Work until your fingers
Drip with the Blood of Will
Drill into Obstacles
with an iron Heart
Seek a big problem
A big opportunity awaits you
For only in Purity
will you Safely Pass

Glance not at your cynics
Take the Honest Advice from your Sincere Critics
Be Wise Enough to Determine the Difference
Choose with Precision your Friends
Cherish your Family well

Follow the Right
of what You believe is Right
No Matter how many voices
Argue to Spite

Your Journey is Greater
than your Goal
But oh what a grand thing!
To Achieve a Hope!

Above all ,
Remember
Let this be your Creed
The Battle is Not Won with
Hard Work, Talent, Beauty, Heart or Mind

No! These will only get you Half-Way There!


The Battle is Won
The Winner Fights All
Not With Gifts

But with Thoughts.

You will Attract
All the thinks which you Think.

If you think you may lose
You've already Lost
If you think the Rumours about you are
true
They Are!
If you let Them Get to You
You've already Fallen Hard

If you Believe You
Can Achieve It
Then you Surely Will!

Your thoughts Determine
Your Physical Self
in the world of the Real

*******--------------------------------------July 21, 2007, Tauranga,
New Zealand, 21:07, Liliana Alam a.k.a TheAnomalyInfinite

_____________________________________________________________________

The next newsletter update won't be out for quite a while. 4-5 weeks.
I get back from Russia August 20, but am gonna take some time to
re-adjust to AmeeerrriKaaaa. So I can't really tell ya'll when I'll
feel like writing the next installment of the damndest bestest thing
ever!!!!! Wait in anticipation. HAhaha. I sincerely hope you have a
Fantastic August, and a happy end of July. It has been lots of fun
writing these and getting feedback from you. I open my heart to you
and believe that all you envision within yourself is Real. Who You Are
is What You Believe You Are.


"Some day, in years to come, you will be wrestling with the great
temptation, or trembling under the great sorrow of your life. But the
real struggle is here, now, in these quiet weeks. Now it is being
decided whether, in the day of your supreme sorrow or temptation, you
shall miserably fail or gloriously conquer. Character cannot be made
except by a steady, long continued process."
- -- Phillips Brooks
_______________________________________________________________________


THE AI'S SCHEDULE (The Full Schedule until December 2007 available on
AI's MySpace Music Site and Facebook Fan Club "Fans of Liliana Alam"
Moderated and Created by Ziad El-Hemedi)

:

07/24/2007 06:00 PM - Moving out of New Zealand for at least the next
6 months =0(
, Tauranga, -

Well 3 years has gone by really fast. And much has changed in those 3
years. I met my deep love and heart of my universe HELMUT a.k.a
FREEDOM OF WILL here so it will always be a land of mystery and beauty
and LOVE. Helms will also be movin to LA a little after me to shoot
his 1st movie. "Seen so many faces, been so many places...." I deeply
enjoyed New Zealand and all the great friendships I have made here.
And all the AWSUM business contacts as well. Its been.. INTERESTING.
and RELAXING. Back to Capitalist America!! Love to all of you,
business and friends: Nithya and Malcolm Lett, William, Andy, The
Malahoffs, Xiao, Wafer, Philip & Leane, Kini, Rohan, Letisha, Jal and
the IT crowd, the drama crowd, the coffee addicts, the Wildcats, the
Arabic club, Victoria University staff and students, Cuba Street, All
Day Breakfast yummmmy, all those tim tams i'm gonna misss!!! Emily,
Dr. Pearce, Dr. Lieu, Possum Productions and my amazing agent Nicole(i
hope we still keep in touch wish me luck in LA!). , Tom Martin, Gary
Reid, Beejay, Paul Wong, The Law Revue Crowd (fun times!!!) , Chapman
& Tripp crowd (u nerds =0p), the Hothouse crew thankx for a great
first time on television for me!!! Brandon and his band, WOW
wellington, All of Wellington, All the Wellington Artists and
Musicians, the Blanket Man, All of Tauranga, The Markos-THANK YOU for
opening yourselves to me and letting me stay in your home (i was very
moved. touched.) and for giving birth to your INCREDIBLE son!!!, All
of Mount Maunganui. I LOVE YOU NEW ZEALAND! I'll be back!!! U'll see
me on tv in America soon!



07/26/2007 06:00 PM - Liliana Alam will be in Russia from July 26
until August 20
, Moscow>St. Petersburg>Piatigorsk, -

Going to Russia to visit my family who I have not seen since age 12. I
am going with my mother, step-father and 2 brothers (1 halfbrother, 1
stepbrother). Fun Times! I'm excited! Keep writing emails. I'll reply
to you all when I return! Love you.....xoxxoxo Liliana a.k.a
TheAnomalyInfinite

08/15/2007 11:00 PM - Project Anomaly Infinite Book Completion Date
, Hollywood, Los Angeles, California -

Well this is it Folks! What i've been working on for the past 6
months. All of my work since age 4 and beyond!!! Will be hitting
bookstores, Amazon, etc., late 2007. This is the day it will be
completed. August 15 is my 21st birthday. A commemoration of a Great
Supernatural Journey. Have fun Reading!!!!! (All 10,000 or so
pages!!!) A copy will also be available for FREE in pdf format on my
websites, and LimeWire.
_______________________________________________________________________


NEVER SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS THAN WHAT YOU ARE.

_______________________________________________________________________

Take as Needed------:

My Advice: Don't be illusioned

No matter what anyone Promises you, no matter how deep you Believe
your friendships, family, or lovers are. No Matter who you think you
can Trust. No Matter what you fool yourself into
thinking...............

Always Remember That The Only Real Person You Can EVER Count On Is
YOURSELF.

and that is a Grand Thing.

Until Next Time..............


Love,
Liliana Alam a.k.a TheAnomalyInfinite

p.s on july 31st midnight, or as soon as you wake up the morning of
August 1, don't forget to say "white rabbit, white rabbit" for Good
Luck for the entire month. Its gotta be the first phrase out of your
mouth or it won't work. Trust.....in the Rabbit...........


--
http://www.breakfree2energy.blogspot.com
www.lilianaalam.com
eon314.net-model.com
http://www.friendster.com/lilianaalam
http://theanomalyinfinite.hi5.com
http://www.myspace.com/theanomalyinfinite
http://www.Modeldream.com/?19635
theanomalyinfinitelalam.starsearchcasting.com/
----------------------------------------------------------------------

"What you dream is already your reality. You have to believe in it
enough to see it." -Liliana Alam

realize that what you are is undefinable in any terms which surround
you, nor is anything which surrounds you definable. free yourself of
stereotype.-TheAI

"1 hair on your head is not enough, but 1 in your soup is too much"-
Albert Einstein on relativity

FEAR NOTHING. LOVE EVERYONE. RULE THE UNIVERSE.-TheAI on life strategy

everything is nothing is everything....
QUESTION EVERYTHING -TheAI

why did the chicken cross the road? because thats what everybody told
you, and you believed them.-TheAI

The Ocean Is Snow

Dear All,

Letting you know that I will be in combat training/deep meditation for
the next few days and will not be using the internet.

Feel free to keep writing messages. I will read and check them all
when I return from my Jedi Training. Haha.

"May The Force Be With You."

I love you.

Here is something I wrote yesterday:

"Today the ocean looked like snow. The frothing of the wave foam, a fine
cappuccino. Such beauty, its too perfect. Its so damn perfect I want to
scream. I sat on the benches above the mountain on top of Maunganui and
stared into the pinkish blue horizon. The wind was serenading me. Calling to
me with its tender embrace. The vibrant coral of the rock was as brown as a
gypsy's back. Its red tones moved me unspeakably. The entire spectacle cost
me tears and a stiff, cold face. My lips pinkified, my cheeks rosened. The sea
was an ocean of snow, violent and angry, yet wise. I stuck my finger in a
droplet of foam which floated up above the waves onto the beach mountain
dirt. It tasted of salt and amnesia. A man came and sat on the bench I was
nestled on. He sat on the further end, his eyes spoke of many journeys and
many lost loves. But his aura spoke of silence. A man not to be touched, not
to be listened to, not to even be noticed. He wished to be invisible
and I could
sense his nervous hesitance at picking the place beside me. Hoping that my
lips would remain shut. And they did. His blue jacket rustled in the dark wind,
and I occasionally got up and ran in place, doing jumping jacks to raise my
temperature. The man and I shared something. As all strangers do. An
unspeakable acknowledgement of a connection. But one that must never be
talked of, or given a business card to . One that must only be reserved for
places such as this, for moments of the mind. A 40 year old man. A 20 year
old woman. Yet we are like the ocean, with all of our colours, intertwined and
dependent upon each other regardless of our deepest gestures to make it
otherwise.

A pack of runners passed by me on the trail. They smiled in that hithering
look males give to pretty women. I felt as if I was in Italy, wearing
a dress of
white, with long eyelashes and a mouth that frequently smiled. The men were
handsome, strong, friendly. Full of life, full of laughter. I felt so
old beside
them. A lolita with the eyes of a thousand years lived. A child, yet an anomaly
unknown.

I had a turkish coffee and a sweet cappucino, with milk so womanly it
reminded me of my mother's teat. The warmth, such radiance in a liquid. It
creamed my soul and my memories. I thought of many. I thought of Ryan. He
frequents my thoughts now almost daily. And when I hear "From Yesterday",
by 30 Seconds to Mars, the band I introduced him to, I feel his breath within
me, I remember his eyes on top of me as we laced our bodies together. He is
still to this day , the first man I made love to. He is part of Sui
Generis, and it
is in my blood. Has he forgotten me? Has he forgotten our story? Our story so
fresh, so ravid, so hungry and bitter. Always Ryan, Always, I do remember.

I thought of Mike, and of Igor, and of many lovers who have came and gone,
smoothly and softly, like the stream of flowing milk running down my throat.
Their semen, so delicate and pungeant. The aroma of the sea, as I sat on the
beach leaning on a gnarly tree, cried to me and with me. It Knows. It all
knows. Even if all have forgot. I come there often, the sea. It is my only true
friend. Full of history, and yet never hating me for my past. Only embracing it
like a wise old man with twinkly eyes and a cane to beat pigeons away.

The cappucino and turkish coffee were purchased from a Turkish to go, the
only cafe open at 6ish at the mount. There was a happy man, and a woman
from Hungary with arched eyebrows drawn by a caramel pencil. Her eyes
hinted of deep sexuality. I would have liked to fuck her. The man was kind. A
jovial 20 something=er. He asked how many sugars I would like in my coffee
and I told him 4. He laughed. "I like it sweet". We shared a smile, yet another
connection.

Tomorrow, or maybe the days after tomorrow I will come again and buy
another cappucino from his sweet hands. It was one of the best I have ever
tried.

I fried myself at the tanning salon. The room was intriguing, but the posters
of pin up models tanned and taut on the walls did not match the otherwise
serene nature of the private room. Outside, children laughed and yelled,
frolick hour at the Salt Water Pools. I listend to the brilliance of
Graeme Revell
off of the soundtrack of Aeon Flux. "Destroying the Memories".

Tanning my skin, my beautiful skin. I caught a glimpse of myself in the long
mirror. In the UV light, in the pale glow, I looked miraculous. An angel of
perfect proportion.

Such glorious music to inspire me on my adventures, my horrid paths in the
underworld, masked by the face of an innoccent.

Such beauty, too much. Such sound, such laughter.

The eyes of every man I see walking by. The scattered nature of the woman,
too shy to look me in the eye.

I do love them all so. My minions, my saviours.

Gladly, I am home, if there is such a place.

A hotel apartment on the beach. A covered shelter in the shattering cold of
the night air. A tanned woman with a complicated history.

And a mouth that tastes of bitter and sensuous coffee beans.
Such is Life. Such is My Life. Oh how I love it."

-Liliana Alam, 7ish pm, July 11, Mount Maunganui, New Zealand

P.S I have attached for you all a photo my father sent me from Flickr.com

you can see it here on its original website:

--

http://flickr.com/photos/sparkyleigh/408178786/

after reading my short story yesterday. The work is of a brilliant photographer. A brilliant photographer who somewhere else in this vast world has captured an image which I saw today. And my father has linked us both together. May all you Dreamers Fly, may all you Lovers Roam. May all you travelers someday find your final destination.

--

http://www.breakfree2energy.blogspot.com
www.lilianaalam.com
eon314.net-model.com
http://www.friendster.com/lilianaalam
http://theanomalyinfinite.hi5.com
http://www.myspace.com/theanomalyinfinite
http://www.Modeldream.com/?19635
theanomalyinfinitelalam.starsearchcasting.com/
----------------------------------------------------------------------

"What you dream is already your reality. You have to believe in it
enough to see it." -Liliana Alam

realize that what you are is undefinable in any terms which surround
you, nor is anything which surrounds you definable. free yourself of
stereotype.-TheAI

"1 hair on your head is not enough, but 1 in your soup is too much"-
Albert Einstein on relativity

FEAR NOTHING. LOVE EVERYONE. RULE THE UNIVERSE.-TheAI on life strategy

everything is nothing is everything....
QUESTION EVERYTHING -TheAI

why did the chicken cross the road? because thats what everybody told
you, and you believed them.-TheAI

"Liliana Alam a.k.a TheAnomalyInfinite Update" Issue 10

      "TheAnomalyInfinite a.k.a Liliana Alam is a Writer, Model,
Artist, Musician, Researcher, Actress, Spiritual advisor,
Humanitarian, Mentalism master (the art of kineticism), Athlete,
Inventor, Chef, Philosopher, Martial Artist, Mathematician, Producer,
Dancer, Health & Sex guru, a Genius, a Visionary, CEO and Co-founder
of EmpireEnterprises, Equestrian, Entrepreneur. AI's unique method of
doing everything, doing it with "The AI flavour" versatile genius, and
easily navigating between vast areas of expertise, makes her the first
of her kind. A child prodigy hidden from the public eye, AI "did it
all" by the age of 10.
                               Now at Only 20!! she's grown to being
it all, and is now
                                          sharing her story with the world.
                                                   Witness the Rise of AI."

-www.LilianaAlam.com

Newsletter now goes out to over 9,000 subscribers worldwide

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                                               Amidst the hidden lie the shores

                        of girlish wants
and boyish bores
                                             the unicorns frolick
                                                  so stems the fond sea

       oh ye children! play light, play free

the mass of all which comes to pass
         is nothing,                                   and it should
not stop your path
forget the taunts and jeers and fears
                                         your mind is wide
                                                      fill it with dreams

fantastical fairies!
               flying crocodiles!
empires of chocolate
and phantoms that             CrY
 forget my dears, of all that was,
and keep thy visions beside thine hearts.........

-Liliana Alam, July 2007, 5:29 AM


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Hello Everyone! Its been a while I know. How are you all? I hope Fantastic!!!!

Me I have been Great! Working on the book, spending time with Helmut
Marko a.k.a FreedomOfWill whose screenplay is progressing grandly as
well, chillin in my hotel, walking on the beach and meditating,
working hard on all my projects!!, working on my company
EmpireEnterprises launching 2008/2009, seeing random children laugh as
they play, watching people smile, responding to your lovely emails,
watching interesting movies, reading grand books, sleeping & dreaming,
dancing, Living!! the usual. Have been slowly packing up stuff, as I
am leaving New Zealand on July 24 to move to America. I will be from
July 24-August 20 in Russia to visit my family who I have not seen
since I was 12. I will be going with my mom, stepfather, stepbrother
and half-brother. I am Excited!! Also I will be turning 21!!! on
August 15!!!!

To see a full version of my schedule for the next few months, you can
visit my myspace music page:

 http://www.myspace.com/lilianaalam

or, lol, someone ( i suppose the term would be one of my "fans" haha)
has started up a fan club for me on facebook, so you can join it here:

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2375753488

(u have to get a facebook -free- account first) as a note-FACEBOOK IS
WAAAAY BETTER THAN MYSPACE. indeed it is the BEST online community I
have found thus far. Trust Me. You can delete all your other ones and
just have a facebook.

here is an invite:

the "fan" club hahah still cracks me up, has photos of me, my
schedule, "fan"s' thoughts and opinions, etc.

there is also one for my company, which offers much of the same,
although it is not a "fan" club and EmpireEnterprises's official
facebook profile, to reach out to clients, future and current
employees, and touch base with the conundrum that is the online
communities.

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2397129319

invite:

Everyone can join Facebook. To register, go to:
http://www.facebook.com/p.php?i=638760013&k=fb942052b5&r

Liliana invited you to join the Facebook group "EmpireEnterprises".

To see more details and confirm this group invitation, follow the link below:
http://www.facebook.com/p.php?i=638760013&k=fb942052b5

Everyone can join Facebook. To register, go to:
http://www.facebook.com/p.php?i=638760013&k=fb942052b5&r



Here is a description of EmpireEnterprises:

Employer:       EmpireEnterprises
Position:       CEO and Co-Founder
Time Period:   November 2006 – Present
Location:            Bases Worldwide, Current main staff in Texas and California
Official Launch ETA: mid-2008/2009
Description:


"We are an all encompassing Empire Business incorporating and
producing the Best Products in a vast variety of areas.

We provide the world with Original, Quality, Creative, and Unique
talent with subsequent product and/or services thereof including but
not limited to: Books, Music CDs, Artworks, Health/Medical cures,
Natural Remedies, Natural Resources, Motion Pictures/Films, Food,
Technological Inventions, Elite military training, Educational
systems, Finance & Investments, WorldAid, etc." -Excerpt from the EE
employer & Employee business card

"We aim to help people, To provide practical, ingenious, quality
solutions to daily problems. To Enlighten, Challenge, and Entertain
all beings, everywhere. Our Quest is to find The Most Exceptional
Individuals who produce Exceptional Work and sponsor them as our
talent. Our Quest is to find those rebellious, talented Individuals
which other mainstream companies reject for fear of profit, and give
them the creative freedom, financial stability, and the backbone of a
worldwide corporation to distribute their work. Our Quest is to be an
all-encompassing Empire Business incorporating and producing The Best
Products in a vast variety of areas. Our Quest is to open the minds of
the human populace worldwide, in a manner both free, easily
accessible, and economically profitable. We Aim to be a long-lasting
Empire with a grand Legacy, which survives for centuries to come."
-Excerpt from the Official EmpireEnterprises Mission Statement.

Copyright Reserved EE 2006-2007, and Co-Owners Liliana Alam, Austin
Bunton, and Helmut Marko. EmpireEnterprises Trademark Name may not be
used without permission from Owners. Redistribution of ideas permitted
and encouraged.

"All companies need to have a long term goal but more importantly
understand the stepping stones to that goal. It's the stepping stones
that interest me. It's all in the detail."
-David O'Mahony

"I guess with any large conglomerate the notion that they are always
right and others are wrong is the biggest pitfall. That is why
monopolies fail...that and governmental restrictions."
-David O'Mahony

Liliana Alam, "i definetly agree and salute you there. that is one
thing i never want EE to become, some dogmatic brainwashed society. i
always want to make sure we have all sorts of people on the team, and
a diverse background of sources for ideas, etc. liberals,
conservatives, all types of people. not just open minded, but closed
minded people as well, because it is all our world. there is no "right
way". i wish the world for peace, but the best way to get there first,
is to "do not seek to be understood. seek instead to understand."
-mother theresa

****************************************$$$$$$$$$$$$$**********************************************

New Music of mine up on www.LilianaAlam.com

drama, pain, beauty, and parodies........Have Fun and Come Again!
Tell your friends! Tell your mother! Tell your father! Tell your Cat!
Tell your Church HAHAHHAHH! Tell your Controversial Cynics! Tell your
Best Friend! Tell your Worst Enemy! Tell your bidei! Tell your lover!
Tell your mistress! Spread Word of THE AI!!!!!

_______________________________________________________________________
THE AI RECCOMENDS:

At the Cinema:

Pan's Labyrinth (on my top 10 list of all time. the BEST movie i have
seen since Meet Joe Black)

Bridge To Tarabithia (if you take ur kid/s be warned, it is slightly sad.)

Blades of Glory (its funny. you'll laugh. nuff said.)



At the Library:

all of Herman Hesse as usual
all of Lois Duncan
all of Lois Lowry
Aristotle's Metaphysics
"Awake" A Series of Life-Changing Epiphanies by the world's most
respected Authors
Understanding Islam
"A Brief History of Everything"




At the CD store (or download www.limewire.com)

Regina Spektor (the ah-ah-a-aah-a song its called "infedelity")
Justin Timberlake (DAMN! so much Talent, in so many ways!)
Fergie (aside from the hype, I do think she's Fantabulously Fergalicious)
Paris Hilton (her music is listenable. although i'm not sure how much
of it is actually her voice, or a digital robot)
Dave Koz

On TV:

Point Pleasant (the antichrist comes in the form of a beautiful blonde.)
Smallville
Dark Angel
Curb Your Enthusiasm
The Office-british version
Extras
The Apprentice:Donald Trump
America's Next Top Model
Project Runway


On the Net:

www.LilianaAlam.com (ME!!!)

www.anabeatrizbarros.com (brazillian supermodel. need i say more?)

www.britneyspears.com (you know you want to so just Go.)

http://www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com/cgi-bin/seigmiaow.pl (Cats That
Look Like Hitler!!!)

www.birthdayalarm.com (remember all of your friends+family's
birthdays! you can start off with MINE-August 15, 1986!!!)

www.eliesaab.com (Prominent Lebanese fashion designer as reccomended
to me by my friend Ziad Alhemdi-on my myspace top 40 friends)


At the Grocery Store/Farmer's Market:

Tomatoes
Onions
Kumara
Lemon
Broccoli (carcinogen + if you eat every day supposedly longer life.....)
Garlic
Bell Peppers in assorted colours
White Lettuce
Goat Cheese
Cream Cheese
Sour Cream
Mushrooms (any kind)
cans of tuna
pasta (any type)
Lamb in a small package
Mince/Ground Beef in a small package
Boneless chicken pieces

those are your basics. with that you can make dinner for 20. (i've
done it.) or you can make dinner for 1 for about 3-4 weeks (what i
usually do)

_______________________________________________________________________

Lots of new photo shoots with some amazing photographers. Check out my
websites for new photos, I have also attached some for you. the
photographers are

Tom Martin-

www.photostudio.co.nz   (I am Liliana in the Models section)

http://Thephotostudio.net-model.com  (I am eon314)


Tom is an experienced photographer who has done diverse photographic
assignments for various magazines and projects.

and Gary Reid an Imaginative refugee from South Africa  -

garyreid.co.nz/GIR_Website_downsize/Fairys.html

http://bushman.net-model.com


Gary's passion is Wildlife photography, particularly the Wild Dog.
Gary also Loves Nature photography, and anything Artistic.

Gary is working on a Fairy Themed Book Project for the next 2 years. I
am one of the 15 or so models who will be featured in it.

_______________________________________________________________________

The Book is pretty much Finished. Its being edited by my close friend
and great writer Rory Walkinshaw, and by a great editing company. It
will be published by an independent publisher in Dhaka, Bangladesh.
After the 1st printing I am confidant a bigger publishing house will
pick it up.

Mr. Walkinshaw's preliminary review after reading all its 1000+ pages is:

(u can read more on www.breakfree2energy.blogspot.com)

"LILIANA ALAM'S "PROJECT ANOMALY INFINITE" IS AN EXPLOSIVE JOURNEY
INTO THE UNCONVETIONAL MIND OF SOMEONE WHO THINKS OUTSIDE THE BOX!!!
NOT SINCE ST. AUGUSTINE'S "CITY OF GOD" HAS THERE BEEN A BOOK THAT
WILL TEACH SO MUCH TO SO MANY!!! THE WORLD'S GREATEST MINDS: THOMAS
AQUINAS, GALILEO, JULIUS CAESAR, NICCOLO MACHIAVELLI, LILIANA ALAM"



_______________________________________________________________________
$40 is the price of dinner out for two. Or you can feed a villiage for
2 months. You decide.

www.worldvision.org.nz

I have recently sponsored a child. Please also do so. They need your
help. If you cannot afford a monthly sponsorship payment, then
Volunteer and give your time there are plenty of centers you can sign
up at, or make a one-off donation. Please. If you are a skeptic and
believe that your donation will not help, then that is fine. Please
create your own organization and help the sick and starving. We can
help these children. AND WE MUST.

______________________________________________________________________


MY FAVOURITE QUOTES:

"cut my milk."-Stewie
"i can't sir, its liquid."-Butler
"imbecile! freeze it, then cut it, if you question me again I'll put
you on diaper duty"-Stewie of Family Guy

"don't piss on my pants and tell me its raining." some dude from movie Layercake

"You Know My Name."-Chris Cornell...from recent james bond casino royale

"it is better to die on one's feet than to live on one's
knees."-revolutionary Zapata

"if you take life too seriously, it ceases to be funny."-Alan Shore
from The Practice

"There is something much larger to life....why are u here? why are u
alive? think for yourself. question everything. do not listen and
regurgitate. use your imagination. life is larger than goals and
careers and money and daily things. it is a dimension of mystery. go
explore it! love people. cherish beauty. take time to look at flowers
and don't ever rush."-Liliana Alam a.k.a TheAnomalyInfinite

"you think thats air you're breathing?"-Morpheus, The Matrix

"I don't think you're good. I don't think you're bad. I think you're
GOD"-movie"WhatheBleepDoWeKnow"

"LOVE EVERYONE. FEAR NOTHING. RULE THE UNIVERSE."-Liliana Alam

"I'm HARDCORE DETERMINED. NOTHING and NOBODY is gonna stop me or get
in my way. I work hard to get what I want, and thus far, I'VE ALWAYS
GOTTEN IT."-Liliana Alam a.k.a TheAnomalyInfinite

"Never, Never Give Up"-Winston Churchill

"We must not let other people's limited perceptions define us."-Madame Curie

"Great Spirits have always encountered Violent Opposition from
MEDIOCRE MINDS."-Albert Einstein

"Do not seek to be Understood. Seek instead to Understand." -Mother Theresa

"Only the dead see the end of the war."-Plato

"In all your physics and sciences, what possible explanation can you
come up with that explains the phenomenon of Love?"-Albert Einstein

"1 hair on your head is not enough, but 1 in your soup is too
much."-Albert Einstein on Relativity

"Genius is the ability to put into effect what is in the
mind."-F.Scott Fitzgerald

"Genius is aiming to shoot at a basket, and hitting it, before anyone
else has even seen the court."

-Helmut Marko a.k.a FreedomOfWill

"i find people who say they hate their parents untrustworthy. Your
family is who you began with. It is your greatest TEST of human
relationships to be able to Keep that relationship strong, regardless
of anything."-Liliana Alam

"Your family, your parents, well they were the first ones who placed
boundaries, restrictions, borders on you. So how well you were able to
overcome those restrictions and become your own person, shows your
Real Character, more indeed than any other test in life."
-Helmut Marko a.k.a FreedomOfWill

"there are many in this world starving for a bit of bread. but there
are many more who are starving for a bit of love."-Mother Theresa

"Science is like opening a door, only to discover a hallway of a
million doors."
-Nobel Laureate Richard Feynman

"Hey Uncle Tak, do you think Spiderman could happen?"-Liliana Alam
"Well for all scientific purposes I don't see why it Couldn't happen."

-Tak Sugimura, phD. Retired Astrophysics professor/engineer, currently
a computer whiz at Maui High Performance Computing Center, family
friend.


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TO CONFIRM BIODATA:

About Me:

Height: 5'8,
Measurements: 36C-bust, 25-waist, 37-hips
Race: Half Russian/Half Bangladeshi, roots in Lebanon, Saudi Arabia,
Mexico and Egypt.
Occupation: Scroll Up to the Top
Age: 20
Likes: Everything
Dislikes/Has No Tolerance For: Ignorance, Closed-Mindedness and Negativity

------------------------------------------
A LOTTA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN ASKING ABOUT HOW I BECAME A MODEL...SO HERE
IS THE BRIEF STORY:

Bilal Saad
Today at 6:23pm :

so how did you enter modeling , how it began with you


Liliana Alam
Today at 6:30pm :

well i've gotten offers since i was 12. people would stop me on the
street, random people, men mostly, sometimes women. Some men would
actually stop their cars and just stare at me walking on the road.
Lots of random and weird stuff like that. Then lots of model agencies
and agents approached me. just randomly, on the bus, at the beach,
etc. but at that age i didn't want to model, i thought it was a very
stupid profession. and my mama she did not allow it either. but
then....i started learning more about it, and getting more into
fashion, and i realized there is a huge art in it. so i accepted an
offer from barbizon international modeling agency and i have been with
them now they are my main agency since 13. so i've modeled all around
the world. but, i also have other agencies that manage my acting,
singing, etc. other talents. and barbizon..well they are ok. i wanna
switch to a bigger agency like Elite or Ford. i have a meeting with
Ford models in LA when i move there. but yea, i haven't taken modeling
very seriously, its just been more for fun, and it pays really well. i
mean most highschool kids get afterschool jobs, and i modeleled. to
give u some perspective, i make at least $150USD per hour, per shoot.
each shoot is about 6 hours. so u calculate that, if i do one shoot
per week, i make more money than most people make in a month.

when i was 15 i had an opportunity to fly out to see execs in LA to
launch my entertainment career at the prestigious WTC conference. it
was all scheduled to go, and i cancelled last minute. i can't
explain..it wasn't the time for me. i was not ready yet for what would
come. fame and fortune and the whole hollywood scence, its a lot...i
wanted to wait until I was ready, in all ways.

NOW I AM!!!! =0) and i'm moving to LA this november of 2007.

so ya....only this year i have started to become more ambitious in
modeling. that is why i want to switch agencies. but before that, and
now, i get assignments from photographers and designers, and i do what
i like, pick and choose u know. so yup. its a fun world to be in. but
it can be very fucked up to girls. but i always was strong and knew
what i was doing, so i didn't mess with drugs or any of that like
other girls. if i had taken it more seriously i probably woulda been a
supermodel by now. but it was just another thing to me. now i wanna be
a victorias secret model, on swimsuit illustrated swimsuit edition,
Ambitious is now a Great Understatement.

I also firmly believe in Health and Fitness. I do not encourage
underweight modeling in any way. I am a Woman with Grace and Curve.
And High Fashion CAN be done by size 4-6 Models!!!! I am gonna TAKE
OVER THE FASHION WORLD!!!! Girls, don't listen to anyone who tells you
you need to lose weight. Tell them they need to lose stereotypes and
grow a mind of their own.

_______________________________________________________________________

with email-i get Literally around 600 emails per week, so I may not
get back to you right away. I do read and check all my email. Put some
spark of genius in your subject line and I might read yours first. Fan
Mail=I get a lot. So please, I appreciate all the love, but no more
"damn u are fine u are my dream girl i love u will u marry me" stuff
ok? i like emails of SUBSTANCE. Hate Mail-I get Tons. Due to my
controversial nature I suppose. Most of it is from females. I always
like to hear your opinion, but please, think about what you are saying
and why you say it. No more jealousy and insecurity please ok?
Remember I am a real being with FEELINGS. Intelligent conversation
please. Thanx everyone!! muwaaah xxxx

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

COOKING MAJiC with LILIANA



A Ph Balanced Tortilla Wrap

"Healthy, Fast, Simple, Cheaper than a Burger"


1 ordinary tortilla wrap
1/3 green bell pepper
1/3 red bell pepper
1/3 yellow bell pepper (or orange)
1/3 onion
1/3 red tomato
1/6 pumpkin (any kind)
¼ avocado
crumbles of Goat Cheese (as wanted)
some lettuce (white)
a sprinkle of lemon juice
condiments (if wanted)

to make it phBalanced: only put 20% of the following in the whole
meal/tortilla:

dijonaise, horseradish, wasabi, mustard, tomato paste


Slice onion
Slice tomato
Slice peppers
Slice avacado (do not Mash! it tastes better sliced)
boil pumpkin

AFTER all is boiled and sliced:

warm tortilla on frying pan or microwave for appx. 30 secs. > or until
soft and warm

put tortilla on a plate

put a little goat cheese on bottom
lettuce on top of that
put in all ingredients, layering with lettuce and goat cheese as you go.
(whichever order you prefer)
>i suggest putting avocado on the bottom, pumpkin in the middle, and
cheese 1 layer on top-to melt

(add condiments at this point if wanted but i assure you the taste of
this food will suffice and Please your taste buds)

make sure the food pile is small enough to wrap up!

heat in microwave for 30 sec-1 min. in microwave

...................

ENJOY!!!

(I recommend eating with your Hands! A food's pleasure is half in the
texture and touch! Let the sauce Drip!!! Lick your fingers!!!)

And Always..eat and share with someone you love!


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Til' next time,

May the Eve of Yesterdays begone with the Rise of your TODAY, Your NOW.

NEVER SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS THAN WHAT YOU ARE.

I love you all.

Ciao bello y bellas,
Liliana Alam a.k.a TheAnomalyInfinite

p.s If any of you want to chat with me,
I have Skype, Yahoo, Gmail all with the email/screen name:

nosfereinsteon314@gmail.com

and MSN Windows Messenger Live:

LilianaTheAnomalyInfinite@hotmail.com

--
http://www.breakfree2energy.blogspot.com
www.lilianaalam.com
eon314.net-model.com
http://www.friendster.com/lilianaalam
http://theanomalyinfinite.hi5.com
http://www.myspace.com/theanomalyinfinite
http://www.Modeldream.com/?19635
theanomalyinfinitelalam.starsearchcasting.com/
----------------------------------------------------------------------

"What you dream is already your reality. You have to believe in it
enough to see it." -Liliana Alam

realize that what you are is undefinable in any terms which surround
you, nor is anything which surrounds you definable. free yourself of
stereotype.-TheAI

"1 hair on your head is not enough, but 1 in your soup is too much"-
Albert Einstein on relativity

FEAR NOTHING. LOVE EVERYONE. RULE THE UNIVERSE.-TheAI on life strategy

everything is nothing is everything....
QUESTION EVERYTHING -TheAI

why did the chicken cross the road? because thats what everybody told
you, and you believed them.-TheAI