R.I.P Beloved Murka

You were my animal soul mate. You were the smartest, most beautiful, most noblest cat in the world. Nobody could have asked for a better friend, a better confidante. I know your spirit lives on. I Love You.

May everyone who sees this please take a moment in passing to pray for Murka's spirit.

Thank You.

Above is my Beautiful Murka's photo.


Anyone that knew Murka, please contact me for details about our small memorial.


"Murka loved you and that you loved her. Murka is a very special kitty. You always talked about her with the widest smile on your face and brightest gleam in your eye, her street smartness, her feistiness and playfulness, but, she was also regal and classy, keeping situations under her terms. I remember all the gifts that you told me she used to bring as she pranced happily towards you with birdies and the like. =)

Liliana was Murka's, Murka was Liliana's and Murka knew that you loved her very much.

And God asked the feline spirit
Are you ready to come home?
Oh, yes, quite so, replied the precious soul
And, as a cat, you know I am most able
To decide anything for myself.

Are you coming then? asked God.
Soon, replied the whiskered angel
But I must come slowly
For my human friends are troubled
For you see, they need me, quite certainly.

But don't they understand? asked God
That you'll never leave them?
That your souls are intertwined. For all eternity?
That nothing is created or destroyed?
It just is....forever and ever and ever.

Eventually they will understand,
Replied the glorious cat
For I will whisper into their hearts
That I am always with them
I just am....forever and ever and ever.

- Unknown

Viva Forever Murka

Happiness is in the Absence

"What is it that you fantasize about?

World Peace?
International Fame?
Winning a Pulitzer Prize, Nobel Peace Prize?
An MTV Music Award?
Meeting some genius hunk ostensibly bad but secretly simmering with noble passion and willing to sleep on the wet spot?

Lacan's point> Fantasies Have to be unrealistic, because the second that you get what you seek, you don't-- you can't want it anymore.

In order to continue to exist...desire must have its objects perpetually absent.

It's not the "it" that you want.
It's the fantasy of "it".

So, desire supports crazy fantasies.

This is what Pascal means when he says that we are only truly happy...when Daydreaming about future happiness.

Or why we say...

the hunt is sweeter than the kill.

Or be careful what you wish for,
not because you'll get it...
but because you're doomed not to want it once you do.

So the lesson of Lacan is, living by your wants will never make you happy.

What it means to be fully human is to strive to live by ideas and ideals...
and not to measure your life by what you've attained in terms of your desires...

but those small moments of integrity, compassion,
rationality, even self-sacrifice.

Because in the end, the only way that we can measure the significance of our own lives...

is by valuing the lives of others."

-from "The Life of David Gale"

Development

Liliana Maqsudulovna Alam was born on August 15, 1986 in Pyatigorsk, Russia to Bangladeshi father Dr. Maqsudul Alam, a scientist (then pursuing his phD) and Russian mother Dr. Irina Anatolievna Pyrkova-Corotan (re-married) physician (then in med-school). She migrated to America with her parents at age 6. Living first in Washington State and Hawaii. From the ages of 4-9 her parents tutored her extensively in the subjects of geography, mathematics, world cultures, and science. From age 9 onwards Liliana self-educated herself in the areas of literature, philosophy, science, history, economics, world cultures, art, music, and other disciplines. Her parents divorced when Liliana was 11, and she moved with her mother to Pennsylvania, then to Northern California, moving back and forth between her parents. During her childhood and adolescence she traveled with her mother and father (separately) to Europe, Bangladesh, Taiwan, Russia, the Bahamas, Mexico, Canada and much of continental America. Liliana attended over 20 different schools of varying disciplines (Catholic, private and conservative to public, to traditional, to schools for the Gifted), including Montessori, prestigious private academy Punahou of Hawaii, and Northwestern Pennsylvania Collegiate Academy. Liliana graduated early at 16 from Kihei Public Charter High School in Maui, Hawaii, being the first and only to have done it at KHS, established for "out-of-the-box thinking, self-motivated students". She moved to New Zealand where she pursued a double Bachelor of Science and Biomedical Science degree at Victoria University, changing majors 3 times between Mathematics/Physics/Human Genetics, Psychology/Criminology, and Chemistry/Geology. During this time she worked independently on her Mathematical Number Theory Pi Thesis, and 2 books she had been writing since age 13. She found the university system unchallenging and unfullfilling. It was fatefully around the same when a personal lending situation went wrong, and Liliana was robbed of 10 grand by a former friend, that Liliana (the former non-conformist Idealist) discovered the world of Business. She left university and continues to make a living off of her plethora of mainly self-taught talents: Writer, Model, Actress, Artist, Musician, Dancer, Masseuse, Chef, Entrepreneur. She finished 2 books in 2007, poetry/artwork/photography work "Cacaoethes Scribendi: The Urge to Write", and "The Anomaly Infinite" a multi-genre loosely autobiographical but fictional novel. Liliana has been IQ tested several times throughout her life and is currently at 163 pts., with 130 points and above being considered statistically "Genius".


Career

Liliana was discovered as a Model at the age of 11. However she rejected the offers she received. As well as her parents, particularly her mother. She was invited to the 2001 Talent Convention in Opry, North Carolina but did not attend. A talent scout from a newspaper ad took interest in her, but the necessary parental permission was not given. She graduated from Barbizon Model & Training school in 2002. Liliana was the lead singer of the rock/darkwave band Sui Generis, members Ryan Aranda and Andrew Venable. At age 20, she became the Creative Director and Art Analyst Writer of Yasumi Online, a website specializing in the sale of Antique Asian Art, the founder of who recruited her upon his belief in her raw business acumen and cutthroat instinct. Liliana independently finds works in sectors ranging from Massage to Writing to Business to Modeling, thru forums such as craigslist, modelmayhem, her previous client base, and of course her websites and google. She is additionally currently signed to MORE Models & Talent in Hawaii, imageModels & Talent and Possum Productions in New Zealand and lives between California, Hawaii and New Zealand.

Liliana just signed to new representation in Hollywood for her two main current focuses: Acting & Modeling.

Liliana utilized the marketing tools of the Internet several years ago and manages about 10 websites, and social networking forums to promote her talents and image to industry professionals, as well as her personal following.


Two projects which are in the long-term future are the establishment of her powerhouse company EmpireEnterprises and ATARAXIA, a new school system. Liliana currently scours the world for exceptional talent and people, thru person and online networking sites, building a database of people for her future projects.


Achievements

As a youth Liliana excelled in all academia, winning numerous contests and scholarships in all fields; indeed achieving the coveted Johns Hopkins Medical School Scholarship for Gifted Youth at the age of 9. (Liliana ranked 99th percentile in a nationwide achievement test). She also ranked 99.9% percentile in a Nationwide Writing Assessment test thru her 9th grade Journalism course at NW Academy, 1st place 2 years in a row at her Piano Studio for best Student, she maintained a 4.3 GPA average throughout early schooling. She was the Only underclassmen in the majority of her grueling Honours and AP courses. In addition to Academics, Liliana won numerous competitions in art, literature, invention/science, music, etc. including an acceptance into the National Musician's Guild Society (for her piano repertoire) at age 10, admission into the Junior Honor Roll Society, 1st place for a memoir and Honorable Mention for a sci-fi short story when she was 10 in the Hawaii state Language Arts Competition, 1st place at the Washington statewide Youth Art Competition,1st place at a junior Science "Invention Convention" for her "kitty kat-feeder", She was tested at Sylvan Center as a 6 year old for exceptional academic ability, again at age 16, and 20 at other testing facilities, scoring 163 points on an IQ test, putting her in the statistical category of "genius", with an IQ of above 130 pts. being "genius". Liliana was the first to graduate high school early at KHS, and did it using her own particular method of advanced AP credits and extracurricular credits from Volunteer work (Hawaiian Humane Society and Medical Volunteer), and taking community college courses in HS.

Personal

From a young age Liliana exhibited an interest in understanding the mentalities of people, and experiencing different lifestyles and cultures. She is an Atheist of her own belief system, and has experimented with Wiccan, Goth, Meditation, Buddhism and Agnostic schools of thought. She shaved her head bald at 17 in a move to rid herself of "earthly materialism". Her persona, writings, poems, art and philosophies have inspired an underground following, mostly thru the internet.

Liliana cares deeply about People, all types of people (including everyone from high-power CEOs to 3rd-World Housewives), constantly finding new talent and people, maintaining a personal connection thru emails and websites with her supporters, friends and fan base.

Liliana's official website: www.LilianaAlam.com, was created gratis by Christian Nikolaisen, the force behind such websites as www.my-diary.org.

Her artist name "The Anomaly Infinite" derives itself from:
"the"
"anomaly"
"infinite"

Liliana had the physical appearance of a 25 year old at age 13. The attention she received then and continues to receive from men was overwhelming, and partially contributes to her suspicion of new people at times.

Liliana is currently in a relationship with Half-Austrian/Half-Papua New Guinean Futboller and Filmmaker Helmut Marko, who she met in New Zealand and has been with for 5 years. She has no desire to get married and rejects the conformist plan of marriage, kids, and a house in the suburbs, though is understanding of those who choose this path in life.

She cherishes family and keeps close connections between her father, mother, her 3 yr. old half-brother John Paul and 17 yr. old step-brother Mile Corotan, and family in Bangladesh and Russia.

Liliana has been diagnosed by 5 different physicians and psychotherapists as everything from Schizophrenic, Bipolar Disorder, Hypomania, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Attention Deficit Disorder,

Liliana is not on any medication, is shockingly stable and lucid, and believes that what the western medical community defines as "disease" is a gateway of consciousness which allows for higher thought-patterns not as easily accessible by those considered "normal". Her personal and theoretical experience in this category has spurned the creation of papers presenting her arguement refuting the current perception about mental illness.

Due to her transcendent way of thinking, Liliana shifts between being extroverted, highly focused, motivated and achievement-orientated in the practical world, to an introverted hermit who sees materialism, and goals silly inventions of modern society and finds enlightnement in the state of "being".

Liliana's core aims and purpose in life are to fulfill all of her talents and areas to the best of her abilities, and leave behind a great legacy of change in the world by doing so. Her independent marks of significance have to do with her being a Writer, Artist, Musician, Actress. Her global contributions have to do with her entrepreneurial ventures of Inventions, EmpireEnterprises, and ATARAXIA: a new school system for the world. Though both of these areas of Liliana relate to each other.






EXTRA TIDBITS

Liliana won numerous competitions in art, literature, invention/science, music, etc. including an acceptance into the National Guild Society (for her piano repertoire) at age 10. Liliana attended over 15 different high schools across the globe at different educational systems ranging from those aimed for the gifted to traditional public and private catholic schools. At age 16 she graduated early at Kihei (Maui, Hawaii) Public Charter High School, a non-traditional school for motivated and "out-of-the-box" students. She worked on a scientific research project on pi, of her own thesis, experienced meditation, wrote a book, even shaved her head bald. At 17 she was accepted into prestigious Victoria University in Wellington, New Zealand where she pursued a Biomedical Science degree in Human Genetics, Physics and Mathematics, and a Bachelor of Science degree in Psychology and Geology. Liliana did not find challenge or adequate stimulus in the university or any traditional school environment and left Victoria. She worked on another book, inventions, modeling (Liliana has been modeling since age 13), acting, and various other pursuits. This poetry project is a section of a much longer 10,000 page multi-genre, multi-media, book project to be released sometime in the future. Liliana has been tested for IQ and achieved way beyond the statistical limit of 150 points. To give some perspective of the unique workings of Liliana's versatile mind,"Genius", in terms of these standardized IQ tests is deemed 130 points and above. At only 21, Liliana now lives, works, and travels around the world. Liliana calls herself a "nomad/Citizen of the World", and is called a "gypsy" by her father who shares a close bond with Liliana. Liliana is fond of people, observing different cultures, sights and mannerisms, and goes with her Muse, half Papua New Guinean half Austrian rising filmmaker Helmut Marko (her life partner) wherever her creative juices, goals, and huge ambitions inspire her. Liliana's message to all dreamers, believers, creators, and all people everywhere is to "imagine. don't listen to what your naysayers tell you, pursue the visions in your mind with unshakable determination and lastly, Love Everyone. Fear Nothing. Rule the Universe." Liliana is known in underground circles as "The Anomaly Infinite" for her vast and unique abilities in countless areas, the first being of her kind-The Anomaly, for having talents without explanation or end-Infinite. The paragraphs below provide some further explanation of this other, "supernatural", "crazy", extreme side of Liliana.

"THEANOMALYINFINITE A.K.A LILIANA ALAM IS A WRITER, MODEL, ARTIST, MUSICIAN, ATHLETE, INVENTOR, PHILOSOPHER, EQUESTRIAN, CHEF, MENTALIST MASTER, SEX & HEALTH ADVISOR, MASSEUSE, DANCER, ETC.!!! A GENIUS, A VISIONARY…. AI’S UNIQUE METHOD OF DOING EVERYTHING, DOING IT WITH "THE AI FLAVOUR” VERSATILE GENIUS, AND EASILY NAVIGATING BETWEEN VAST AREAS OF EXPERTISE, MAKES HER THE FIRST OF HER KIND. A CHILD PRODIGY HIDDEN FROM THE PUBLIC EYE, AI “DID IT ALL” BY THE AGE OF 10. NOW AT 20 SHE'S GROWN TO BEING IT ALL, AND IS NOW SHARING HER STORY WITH THE WORLD…. WITNESS THE RISE OF AI."
www.breakfree2energy.blogspot.com
THEANOMALYINFINITE HAS ABILITIES SUCH AS INVENTING A NEW KIND OF MATHEMATICS, EXCELLING IN ALL AREAS IN RANGE FROM MUSIC TO SCIENCE TO ART, MOVING A PIECE OF STRING TIED TO A STONE USING SOLELY HER MIND (RESEARCH MENTALISM, A METHOD USED BY MANY MAGICIANS, A FAMOUS EXAMPLE OF ONE WHO USES IT IS CRISSANGEL:MINDFREAK). THE, SIGNIFIES A SINGULAR, SOMETHING OBSOLETE. ANOMALY IS DEFINED AS A PROIGY, GENIUS, A BEING BEYOND THE DEFINITION OF CURRENT SCIENCE, INFINITE MEANS EXPANDING FOREVER IN MANY DIRECTIONS, NOT BEING LIMITED TO ANY ONE DIRECTION. THUS: THEANOMALYINFINITE. AI HAS DONE THINGS WHICH MANY HAVE CLASSIFIED AS SUPREMELY GENIUS, AND OTHERS HAVE CLASSIFIED AS THE OPPOSITE: FALSE, TRICKERY, CLEVER DECEPTION, AND NOT TRUE MAGIC, TRUE MIRACLE, TRUE GENIUS, OR THE TRUE SUPERNATURAL WHICH MANY CONSIDER INACCESSIBLE FOR ORDINARY PEOPLE. AI BELIEVES THAT THE SUPERNATURAL IS ACCESSIBLE AND ACHIEVEABLE BY ALL PEOPLE, AND THAT THE TRUE POWER OF THE MIND IS WHAT EXPLAINS THAT WHICH IS DEEMED TO BE SUPERNATURAL, TRUE MAGIC, MIRACULOUS, AND UNHOLY. AI BELIEVES THAT UNDERSTANDING THE UNLIMITED POWER OF THE MIND CAN EXPLAIN THE PERCEIVED MIRACLES AND PREVIOUSLY MISUNDERSTOOD ABILITIES OF JESUS CHRIST, WOLFGANG AMADEUS MOZART, VOLTAIRE, LEONARDO DA VINCI, YOGIS, PRODIGYS, GENIUSES, AND FIGURES THROUGHOUT THE COURSE OF HISTORY WHO ARE BELIEVED TO HAVE BROKEN LAWS OF NATURE AND PHYSICS, ANOMALYS WHO HAVE EXCEEDED THE LIMIT OF NORMAL HUMAN BEINGS. AI BELIEVES THAT ANYONE CAN POSESS THESE PREVIOUSLY DEEMED INACCESSIBLE POWERS AND CAN PRACTICE THEM AT WILL, WITH THE FULL UNDERSTANDING OF THE UNLIMITED CAPABILITIES OF THE HUMAN MIND. THE FOLLOWING WILL DETAIL THE HISTORY OF IE IN THE HOPE THAT PEOPLE WILL BE ABLE TO SEE THAT THE MIRACULOUS, THE SUPERNATURAL, THE GENIUS, IS REAL, BUT NOT INACCESSIBLE. THAT ANYONE HAS THE CAPABILITY TO WALK ON WATER, WALK ON HOT COALS, MOVE OBJECTS WITH THEIR MINDS, AND OTHER SUCH CONSIDERED BIZARRE PHENOMENA. IE BELIEVES THAT ANYONE, IS CAPABLE OF DOING ANYTHING, EVEN THAT WHICH IS CONSIDERED PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE. WHAT FOLLOWS WILL CONTINUALLY BE UPDATED THROUGH WRITING, PHOTOGRAPHY, VIDEO, AND OTHER FORMS OF DOCUMENTATION OF IE'S ABILITIES, AND HISTORICAL EXAMPLES, UNTIL THE CLAIM WHICH IE HAS MADE IS ACCEPTED AND UNDERSTOOD. IE'S GENETIC HISTORY COMPRISES SCIENTISTS, MUSICIANS, ARCHITECTS, DESIGNERS, MILITARY GENERALS, CANDLEMAKERS, ARTISTS, ENGINEERS, ETC. AI AND HER PARENTS HAVE A LONG WITHSTANDING LOVING, YET EXTREMELY COMPLICATED AND STRANGE RELATIONSHIP. AI REMAINS DYNAMICALLY CLOSE WITH HER FATHER AND HOPES TO ONE DAY BUILD AN EMPIRE WORTHY OF HIS MORAL AND ETHICAL LEGACY.


AI A.K.A LILIANA ALAM WAS BORN IN PIETEGORSK, RUSSIA, ON AUGUST 15,1986 TO A RUSSIAN PHYSICIAN MOTHER (AN ORPHAN. PHYSICS, ATHLETICS, ETC. WHIZ) AND A PROMINENT BENGALY MICROBIOLOGIST FATHER (SCHOLARSHIP WINNER, 2 P.H.D's/biochemistry/microbiology, STUDIED AT MAX-PLANCK UNIVERSITY, ALBERT EINSTEIN SCHOOL IN NY, US, MOSCOW UNIVERSITY). SHE LEARNED TO SWIM AT AGE 1. AT 2 SHE RECITED RUSSIAN POET PUSHKIN'S ILLIAD LENGTH POEMS BY MEMORY. AT 3 SHE SHOWED TALENT IN MUSICAL, MATHEMATICAL, ACADEMIC, ATHLETIC, AND ADDITIONAL ABILITIES. AT 5 SHE MIGRATED WITH HER PARENTS TO WASHINGTON STATE, AMERICA, WHERE SHE WON A STATEWIDE ART COMPETITION. FROM AGES 6-10 HER PARENTS PRIVATELY TUTORED HER EXTENSIVELY IN MATHEMATICS, GEOGRAPHY, HISTORY, LANGUAGES (IE SPEAKS FLUENT RUSSIAN, ENGLISH, PARTIAL- ARABIC, BANGLA, SPANISH, GERMAN, FRENCH, JAPANESE) WHILST IE ATTENDED 5 DIFFERENT SCHOOLS IN DIFFERENT STATES, INCLUDING MONTESSORI-A SCHOOL FOR GIFTED CHILDREN. AT 9 SHE WAS ACCEPTED INTO THE NATIONAL GUILD OF MUSIC FOR HER ABILITIES IN PIANO (IE PLAYS PIANO, GUITAR, RECORDER, PARTIAL- TENOR SAXAPHONE, SITAR, DRUMS-JIMBAY,BASS GUITAR, ETC. ALSO AT 9 SHE TESTED SAT 99th percentile STATEWIDE OF HAWAII FOR WHICH SHE WON A JOHN HOPKINS SUMMER SCHOLARSHIP. IE DID NOT TAKE THE SCHOLARSHIP, AND INSTEAD TRAVELED TO EUROPE WITH HER MOTHER. IT WAS AROUND THIS TIME THAT IE'S GROWING FASCINATION WITH THE MANY PERCEPTIONS AND POSSIBILITIES WHICH SURROUNDED HER SKYROCKETED. SHE WANTED TO BE NORMAL AND EXPERIENCE "NORMAL" LIFE. HER PARENTS AND ACADEMIC ADVISORS ATTEMPTED TO KEEP IE FROM EXPLORING THE VAST POSSIBILITIES BEYOND HER STRICT SCHEDULE. IE REBELLED AND DECIDED TO EXPLORE AS MANY TERRITORIES AND MENTALITIES AS POSSIBLE. IE WAS ACCEPTED INTO PUNAHOU SCHOOL OF HAWAII FOR ACADEMICALLY ADVANCED STUDENTS. SHE LEFT THE PRIVATE SCHOOL SYSTEM AT AGE 12, THE SAME YEAR IE'S PARENTS DIVORCED. THE TUTORING HAD STOPPED AT AGE 9, BUT AI CONTINUED TO SELF-EDUCATE HERSELF IN AREAS SUCH AS ECONOMICS, HISTORY, POLITICS, GEOGRAPHY, MILITARY STRATEGY, THE ARTS, PHYSICAL FITNESS, SCIENCE, LANGUAGES, MUSIC, MATHEMATICS, THE PARANORMAL & OCCULT, RELIGION, ETC. AI MOVED WITH HER MOTHER TO PENNSYLVANIA, U.S, IN THE HOPES OF BEING SURROUNDED BY A MORE AMBITIOUS, FOCUSED, MOTIVATED AND CULTURAL POPULACE. THE EAST COAST OF AMERICA GREETED AI WITH COLD HANDS AND HER ABUNDANT TALENTS AND PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES BECAME A SOURCE OF JEALOUSY AT TEH 3 HIGH SCHOOLS SHE ATTENDED, AND SHE WAS OSTRACIZED LARGELY BY THE FEMALE STUDENT BODY FOR HER CONTRADICTIVE NATURE OF BEING SUPREMEMLY BRILLIANT (AI IN 9TH GRADE WAS IN ALL HONOURS CLASSES AMIDST 11TH AND 12TH GRADE STUDENTS) EXTROVERTED, AND PHYSICALLY SUPERIOR IN APPEARANCE SO MUCH THAT IN SOME WEEKS IE WAS "ASKED OUT" BY EVERY EXISTING FEMALE'S BOYFRIEND. AT 13, IE HAD THE PHYSICAL APPEARANCE OF A 20 YEAR OLD. AN EX-BOYFRIEND QUOTES, "SHE LOOKED LIKE A GORGEOUS, SUCCESSFUL, 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN!!!" AI NEVER LIED ABOUT HER AGE AND USED IT INSTEAD AS A SHOCK FACTOR. HER FIRST BOYFRIEND WAS 21. AI FREQUENTLY SPENT TIME AROUND OLDER PEOPLE, FINDING THEIR MATURITY CLOSER TO HERS. SHE RARELY RELATED TO PEOPLE HER OWN AGE. AI RECEIVED MODELLING AND ACTING OFFERS, AND A CHANGE TO ENTER A BEAUTY PAGEANT. AI'S MOTHER DECLINED HER PERMISSION FOR AI TO MODEL, REASONING IT WAS A DANGEROUS BUSINESS. AI, BEING REBELLIOUS FROM A YOUNG AGE, RAN AWAY FROM HOME SEVERAL TIMES AND ALTHOUGH DID NOT PURSUE A MODELING CAREER OR FAME, AI EXPERIMENTED IN AS MANY AREAS AS SHE COULD, DEFYING HER PARENTS. DURING 12-16 AI ATTENDED OVER 6 HIGH SCHOOLS IN DIFFERENT STATES BEFORE DECIDING THE HIGH SCHOOL SYSTEM IS EXTREMELY FLAWED IN ENCOURAGING INDIVIDUAL GROWTH AND EXCEPTIONAL TALENT. AI WANTED TO EXPOSE HERSELF TO AS MANY HIGH SCHOOLS AS POSSIBLE WHICH IS WHY THE HOME-SCHOOLING OPTION WAS INSUFFICIENT FOR HER RESEARCH PURPOSES. AI'E OBSERVATIONS ABOUT THE CURRENT EDUCATION SYSTEM WORLDWIDE ARE CURRENTLY BEING CONSTRUCTED INTO A BUSINESS PLAN FOR ATARAXIA: A SCHOOL OF THE FUTURE. AI GRADUATED EARLY AT 16 AT KHS, MAUI-A NON-TRADITIONAL EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM. AI WAS AT THAT TIME COMPLETING HER POETRY AND ART PROJECT FOR PUBLICATION, BUT PUT IT ON HOLD TO PURSUE A BIOMEDICAL SCIENCE DEGREE FROM VICTORIA UNIVERSITY IN NEW ZEALAND AWAY FROM THE HIPOCRACY AND MATERIALISM OF AMERICA, WHERE SHE SWITCHED HER MAJOR 4 TIMES AS SHE FOUND THE MATERIAL UNCHALLENGING AND THE UNIVERSITY ENVIRONMENT UNSTIMULATING AND MEDIOCRE. IT WAS HYPOTHESIZED BY AI'S PARENTS THAT SHE SHOULD PURSUE IVY LEAGUE SCHOOLS SUCH AS HARVARD, YALE, PRINCETON IN HOPES OF FINDING A PLACE OF HIGHER STIMULATION, BUT THE RIGID DICTATORSHIP, ARISTOCRATIC MENTALITY OF ATTENDING STUDENTS, AND OVER-EXCESSIVE FOCUS ON ACADEMIC TRADITION DISGUSTED AI. ONE OF AI'S PROJECTS-ATARAXIA IS DEVELOPING A SCHOOLING SYSTEM FOR WHICH ENCOURAGES INDIVIDUAL GROWTH. AI BELIEVES THAT THE TERM "GIFTED" AND "GENIUS" IS A LABEL, AND THAT ALL PEOPLE EVERYWHERE ARE EQUAL IN THEIR CAPABILITIES, AND ALL HAVE UNLIMITED ABILITIES AND TALENTS WHICH USUALLY IF LEFT TO TRADITIONAL SCHOOLING SYSTEMS, AND TRADITIONAL LIFE CAREER PATHWAYS, WILL NEVER BE DISCOVERED. AI HOPES TO ESTABLISH A SCHOOLING SYSTEM IN THE FUTURE WHICH REFLECTS THIS MENTALITY. AI HAS BEEN IN SEARCH FOR OTHERS SUCH AS HERSELF IN THE HOPES OF GROWTH AND STIMULATION. SHE HAS MET NOBODY PRIOR TO HELMUT MARKO, HER CURRENT PARTNER, WHO HAS A SIMILAR APPROACH TO UNLEASHING ABILITIES TO EXCELL IN ALL AREAS. SHE HAS FOUND SOME SOLACE IN GROUPS SUCH AS MENSA-FOR PEOPLE WITH A "GENIUS" I.Q, AND USES MYSPACE. COM, HI5.COM, WWW.ABOVETOPSECRET.COM, AND OTHER "ADVANCED/GIFTED/TALENTED" WEBSITE FORUMS TO SEEK THOSE LIKE HER. IE'S IQ WAS 149 IN 2003, IT HAS GONE UP MANY POINTS SINCE THEN AND IT HAS NOW SURPASSED THE LIMIT OF 150 POINTS, THE SCALE USUALLY MEASURED BY STANDARDIZED IQ TESTS. AI HAS BEEN CLINICALLY DIAGNOSED BY A WIDE RANGE OF PHYSICIANS WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER, OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER, DEPRESSION, ADHD, SCHIZOPHRENIA, HYPOMANIA, AND A COMBINATION OF SEVERAL SIMULTANEOUSLY. EVERY PHYSICIAN CONCLUDED A DIFFERENT ANALYSIS FROM HEALTHY TO "ILL", ADDING EVIDENCE TO ONE OF AI'S SCIENTIFIC THEORIES ON MENTAL ILLNESS AND PERCEPTION, THAT MENTAL ILLNESS IS A FALSE LABEL, FURTHERMORE THAT IT IS NON-EXISTANT. THE WESTERN WORLD'S REBUTTAL WAS SIMPLY THAT "DIAGNOSED PATIENTS EXHIBIT EXCESSIVE SIGNS OF DENIAL". AI HAS SHOWN THAT THERE ARE UNTAPPED MENTAL ABILITIES OF THE MIND WHICH HAVE NO SUPERNATURAL OR INACCESSIBLE QUALITIES, WHICH HAVE BEEN CONTINUALLY REGARDED BY THE WESTERN MEDICAL WORLD AS ABNORMAL, AND NEEDING CURE. AI, UPON QUESTIONING MEMBERS OF THE POPULACE WHO CONSIDER THEMSELVES "NORMAL", HAS BEEN GIVEN RESPONSES SUCH AS WE LIVE IN THE "REAL WORLD". IE HAS SHOWN HER TALENTS AND ABILITIES THROUGH AREAS RANGING FROM ACADEMICS TO ATHLETIC TO THE ARTS TO THE UNEXLAINABLE. AI BELIEVES THAT LABELS SUCH AS IDENTITY, NAME, STATUS, ACHIEVEMENTS, PHYSICAL APPEARANCE, FRIEND CIRCLES, CAREER, AND OTHER SUCH LABELS EQUATED WITH TRADITIONALIZED HUMAN LIFE ARE LIMITING TO ANY INDIVIDUAL BEING, WHETHER IT BE A FLOWER AN ALIEN A SOLAR SYSTEM OR A HUMAN. THE "MULTI-GENRE" UNFORMATTED TEXT ON THIS PAGE LISTS SOME OF HER PREVIOUS PROJECTS. IE IS CURRENTLY WORKING ON SEVERAL PROJECTS, ONE OF WHICH IS THE COMPLETION OF HER MULTI-GENRE NOVELLA, A TALE OF HOW A NORMAL HUMAN BEING BECOMES A SUPERHUMAN IN THE MEDIUM OF ART, POETRY, MATHEMATICS, MUSIC, WEBSITE, AND EVENTUALLY TELEVISION. PROJECT RELEASE DATE TBA.

WWW.BREAKFREE2BLOGSPOT.COM IS ONE OF AI'S WEBSITES, IT HAS WITHIN IT SOME OF HER POETRY, ARTWORKS, AND MISCELLANEOUS ESSAYS.

AI CAN BE FOUND ON THE WEB THROUGH

www.LilianaAlam.com
http://theanomalyinfinite.hi5.com
http://www.myspace.com/theanomalyinfinite
www.breakfree2energy.blogspot.com

EMAIL AI: nosfereinsteon314@gmail.com

AI TREASURES ALL THE INDIVIDUALS (AI HATES THE TERM "FANS") AI HAS KNOWN THROUGHOUT LIFE. AI BELIEVES THAT ALL BEINGS CAN HELP EACH OTHER REGARDLESS OF SUCH FACTORS AS AGE, RACE, SOCIAL STATUS, CAREER, ETC. AND THEREFORE IS OPEN TO RECEIVE SUGGESTIONS, COMMENTS, HELP, AND TO GIVE HELP FROM OTHER BEINGS. AI TRIES TO PERSONALLY READ & ANSWER AS MANY EMAILS AS POSSIBLE, HOWEVER DUE TO THE LARGE AMOUNT OF EMAILS AI RECEIVES AND AI'S VERY BUSY SCHEDULE, THE AI MAY NOT BE ABLE TO RESPOND TO YOUR EMAIL. AI WILL KEEP YOUR EMAIL ON FILE.

Yes!

Back in LA after Holidays!

WeeeeWaaaa!!!

This is not based on any specific event, but a general note about LIFE:

"Treat life as a curve ball. Instead of being a Wall and Stopping the bullets.....
Morph yourself to become One with them so that they cannot hurt you."


In the words of the great Helmut Marko

"Ride the Wave. Don't Drown in It."

FUCCCCK!!!!!! DAMN!!!! WOWWWW. LIFE IS PHENOMENAL. I feel so FREE. HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYBODY. I hope that its going Fantastic for you.

I FEEL SO FUCKING FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! like the chains have been ripped off me.

and I jumped the furthest crevice, just to see if I would die. And I didn't die.

I do this shit all the time, push myself like that. And , every time, I'm just so AMAZED, with LIFE, with POWER, with the GREATNESS of the MIND and of the SPIRIT.


BLAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yes I know this is pretty cryptic. Let's just say what happened tonight was FREEING.

Hope it gives You Hell

by the way: YAY for Britney Spears!!!!!! Now just get back with Justin..........

Well I'm not a Millionaire or bona-fide Rock Star-YET. I'll get there. Til Then, here's to the haters who told me I wouldn't make it THIS far: (sing along with me!) Ya ya its generic but it and The All American Rejects KICK ASS c'mon!!! MUWHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Seriously HATERS, I Love You. You amuse me and make me laugh. See ya in the audience at one of my shows or premieres.
THANK YOU to all the non-haters, Lovers and Believers. We'll reap the rewards Together.


"Gives You Hell"
-The All American Rejects

(woulda shown you guys the music video, but blogspot is disabling embedded videos now. grr.)

Here is the Link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l06M-dsQf3Q


I wake up every evening, with a big smile on my face
And it never feels out of place

And you're still probably working at a 9 to 5 pace
I wonder how bad that tastes

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell

Now where's your picket fence love
And where's that shiny car,
And did it ever get you far?

You've never seem so tense love
I've never seen you fall so hard,
Do you know where you are?

And truth be told I miss you
And truth be told I'm lying

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
If you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well
Then he's a fool, you're just as well, hope it gives you hell

Hope it gives you hell

Tomorrow you'll be thinking to yourself
Where'd it all go wrong, the list goes on and on

And truth be told I miss you
And truth be told I'm lying

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
If you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well
Then he's a fool, you're just as well, hope it gives you hell

Now you'll never see, what you've done to me
You can take back your memories they're no good to me
And here's all your lies,
You can look me in my eyes
With that sad sad look that you wear so well

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
If you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well
Then he's a fool, you're just as well, hope it gives you hell

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you hear this song and sing along oh you'll never tell
Then you're the fool, I'm just as well
Hope it gives you hell
When you hear this song I hope that it will give you hell
You can sing along I hope that it will treat you well

This song is brilliantly multi-layered. And obviously, it's aimed at Everyone including Me, lol, so me posting it is hilarious. DUHHHHH. However, I do resonate with it, Entirely. The only thing that bugs me about it is that it implies nobody else can do it, which everyone Can. That's the problem with a lot of celebrities these days, they forget their roots and where they came from. Sui Generis-my old band and I wrote a song very similar to this 5 years ago. (and yes of course I'm going to say ours is better. Because lyrically I'm layered and never plain.) It was called "Sheep's Clothing". BUT, each and every artist and song is DIFFERENT and has a DIFFERENT purpose. No better or worse......Props to The All American Rejects. You'll see me on those charts in 10 years or so. However long it takes.

Peace!

I hope they like their picket fences.....

Guess who's made more progress in 2 weeks in Hollywood than many who've been there for years?

Guess who has 4 reputable acting & modeling agencies in Hollywood interested in signing her? (I already have representation in New Zealand and Hawaii, but aimed to get representation in Hollywood)

Guess who's about to sign an agency contract with one of them in January? (have been reviewing it over the past week).

Guess who's gonna have a small, but notable part in an upcoming blockbuster?

Guess who's already had several paid shoots?

Guess who's been inside a real Hollywood sound studio?

Guess who's got jobs lined up for January?

Guess who's got a place on Sunset Boulevard for a price that is incredibly ridiculously cheap?

Guess who's developed professional relationships with industry contacts in film, music and art?

Guess who's found wonderful people who have been incredibly kind and helpful?

Guess who's down-to-earth and happy?

Guess who's powerful?

Guess who's a dork nerd doofus?

Guess who is enjoying every minute?

Guess who's spending a merry time in San Fran with her family before Jan (while working on things in LA via net lol)?

Guess who sees her partner and blood via Skype whenever possible remaining strong in our 5 year relationship regardless of long-distance!?

Hmm.


GRATEFUL TO ALL!!!! I Love My Life! All success and failure is shared. I'm doing this for me and for ALL of YOU who BELIEVE in Yourselves and Stick To Your Visions. Thank YOU.

Work Smart. Believe. Keep at it. Things Happen.

Ciao!

Merry You-mas

it is not Christ or God who has the power, whether to heal, destroy or elevate. it is YOU. You are that unexplained phenomena. YOU are the one who gets you thru the hardest time. It is YOUR harness of that energy, that unexplainable energy around us, which releases YOU into freedom.

everything the bible says is valid. Everything. When I say that, I am not referring to the historical literacies which some may interpret at "fact". View the bible as a great myth that has a depth of meaning. Don't take things too literally like a whale swallowing a man or the value of pi being equated to the number of 3 instead of it's actual mathematical value. The points about value in humanity, the love for mankind, the transcendent state of mentality in which the "kingdom of heaven" exists, the will to continue to have faith even when all else indicates otherwise, believing that things do have a reason and that as shitty as something gets there IS a purpose and a lesson which you may not have realized yet, all of that, Listen to it and heed it. I've written about all of this in my book, but wherever it comes from, so long as people get the message, YAY. the bible is the most accessible, universally, to all people thus far. do look beyond the text, and also remember that the bible was written by Many people, not one, and it is more a systemic faith of people rather than a description of a biological "fact". It is a collective description, experienced, felt , and claimed to be seen, by a collection of people, at different times throughout history who felt some unexplained truth and were united by it.

this kingdom of heaven business.

Now, many interpret this "kingdom" as being a building or a place. It is WITHIN YOU. don't misunderstood the phrase "kingdom of heaven on earth". many christians misunderstand it too.

it's not a place. or a building. or a collection of intermediaries.

its a place within the spirit, within the mind and foresight. some take millenia just to Reach that mentality. others, reach it sooner. but that Understanding, is the metaphorical Kingdom of Heaven. Thru that SIGHT, you see both a broken leg and a sunset as being the same in beauty, magic and transcendence. consequently, that the bible's definition of good and evil, is very basic. and that, evil and dark, CAN and SHOULD be embraced just as goodness and light. the church fears evil, because they misinterpret what they have read. evil is nothing more than responding to instinct. and instinct can also be controlled. that does not make it neither good nor evil.

Back to the point "eveything in the bible is right". > with the one exception of it being centered around "christ">son of god or "god".

It is YOU. you will say, ah, but where does "YOU" come from. science says the womb, nature. the bible, same thing but in a cosmic way. I say, YOU came into existence because you WILLED your way INTO existence. Yes, even before you were born, your energy, your spirit was present, and it was strong enough, to materialize the THOUGHT and IDEA of YOU, into actual physicality.

most forget about all this.

ALEXANDER held an empire by the age of 25.

the "mysterious force" which allowed him to do this was HIMSELF.

I Love LA!!!!!!!!

Meeeeep!!!!


I EXPECTED to Hate LA. and I am so damn pleasantly surprised. I fuckin LOOOOVEEEE it here man!!! Geeeez I love it.

by the way, all these media reports and mainstream perception that LA is some evil hellhole is BS so far as I see it, letting all of you know who are outside of LA. This place thus far is safer than any city I've lived in before, and I've lived in my fair share of creepiness. The people are also Very kind, another misconception. I've received a lot of Help in my short time here, totally unexpected.

The only kinda icky thing that happened thus far is, I arrived Saturday, and Sunday my wallet got stolen, with all my "shit" in it. Oh well, things happen. It's all gravy. It technically got "lost", but then when I looked back at the place where I dropped it, it was gone, so an opportunist must have picked it up.

musicians, artists, everyone just walkin on the streets, sunset and hollywood.....saw DAVE KOZ holy shit, well I didn't actually "see him", but while I was preparing before a meeting in beverly hills (i know holy shit. beverly hills. weeeeeee. lol. i'm a doofus.) , I saw his name on the bill at the wilshire theatre. Damn. this is just so fantabulous its gooey.

yes yes you want to know how everything is going. And I will tell you. for now hold on to your socks and wait for results I can show you.

bleeee bleeeaaaaa me love likey la. weee. mk. byebye 4 now.

The Will To Act

Something I have not shared with you. Last week my beloved macbook completely and unexpectedly crashed, I was in the middle of writing an article here (which is now lost). It was one of my best thus far. It was about many things, though the fluid concept was the conflict of peace/hermit existence vs. the achievement/ego and fight of the entertainment industry jungle.

Yes my mac has been fixed, and all is great. I back up all my data on an external drive so the major components of my work, finished books, writing, art, music, photography, mathematics theories, modeling portfolio, films, etc. were all saved. I did lose a lot of new data that I had created the two weeks prior to the nervous breakdown of my mac, but it has all been stored in my brain and when I make time I will attempt to re-write it.

This is my first entry since the breakdown, which is a bit traumatic for me. The mac breaking down was a murphy's law, ironic moment for me. Naturally I am quite skeptical, but I also believe very strongly in my vision and that anything is possible, for anyone. Reality constantly tests my theory and I am constantly questioned by others as being delusional. The mac was the source of all my work. I had a 7 gb database of photographs off of the internet, built up over the last two years that I used for artistic inspiration and strength. I had 155 gb of work material: music, writing, art, etc. It had all my web browser bookmarks of sites which were exceedingly brilliant to me/or informative which took a lot of time to find, my writing, art, music, everything was organized on my desktop and harddrive exactly the way I wanted it, which had taken a lot of time to arrange. Basically if you imagine an entire life on a computer, this was it. I was so thrilled that I had my mac, because I could use what was on it to show to industry execs. And, when this Great thing had just happened about getting meetings in Hollywood, almost too good to be true, it felt like the universe was laughing at me, telling me HAHAHHAA you think you've been fighting, struggling and in pain for so long and its now over? HAHAHA here you go, solve this one. Obviously it is still only a device, and it is not wise to attach to materialistic things, but this was a useful tool for me, especially with showing industry people, friends, family , my work in an easily understandable way. The irony of it all, was that on top of the chaotic crazy schedule I Already had, the clients I had to keep in contact with which my main contact is Email (no other internet access or comp or money to go to internet cafes), those clients being my Income, and preparing for LA, just when Finally an opportunity had come along, Bang my mac crashed. I immediately jumped to fix it, and I had a lot of unexpected support and help from a certain friend who I am very grateful for. That was another turning point, Asking help from people, a strange and irritating concept to me. I fixed it on my own of course, but the beginning process I actually told a few people what happened and one of them jumped as many hoops as possible to help me. It got fixed. In the big spectrum of things, this is absolutely nothing. Less than infinitely insignificant. Me is me, my work is my work, computer or no computer, internet or no internet. But when I was in that moment, it Felt like the "end of the world". As I continue to tell people, your Emotions can be more powerful than any Reality that you are in. I just want to tell everyone, shit happens, accept that it does. And it's not even shit! I look at this all as a great opportunity. Because my mac had to be erased back to its original, factory settings, it was like opening up a brand new mac. It was a cleansing of the past two years, in preparation for LA, like a fresh new me. And plus, I did have all my data backed up. Yes, it will take a lot of time to re-organize everything and re-build bookmarks and such, but it's also exciting to be able to start from scratch, again. It is important to see the light and blessing in any situation. I made sure I didn't let this event distract me from LA, or make up all my tendencies of connecting and analyzing of the Meaning behind everything. I just did my best to see it for what it was, a technical error. Not some message from the universe, or a sign. Just a technical error. And if I had to be meaningful about it, a big blessing of impetus from the universe giving me a house-cleaning! In addition, preparing me for any instance when possibly it might crash again in LA, to make sure I have alternate ways of doing business. I'm grateful and thankful for this event. In addition, to the support & help from my Helms, my anonymous angel friend, and the instant help offered by those whom I told. Makes my heart radiate.

And thus....I am back on! Like the belgian horse I got back on after I painfully fell off at 13, I force myself to embrace, then conquer my fears, however small or large they are.

Here is something I found in my hard-copy database of notes as I was sorting out thru stuff to take to LA.

I wrote it sometime at 14 (I think).

"No, you're wrong. I'm not a story.
I'm not a fantasy or a dream.
I wasn't given the perfect genes, or the perfect abilities. or the perfect environment.
All I ever had was the will to be better.
Better than me. Better than perfect.
So now you know.
And you could have done it too.
But now you've wasted your life and tried to kill mine."

You Attract What You THINK

My soul is as wide as the ocean. My heart is as free as the sky. My brain is as wise as the mountains. My intent is as swift as the tiger's tooth.

I feel grateful, excited, focused, determined.....something grand happened today. stay tuned........


Helms....You Are My FORCE.
also..I Love Love Love Love LOOOOVe my Mom, and Love Love Love LOOOVE my Dad.
THANK YOU TO EACH AND EVERY INDIVIDUAL FOR THEIR DEEP SUPPORT! As well as every HATER. You telling me I couldn't do something propelled me even further.


** UPDATE

So what was the big news?

A "power player" has taken interest in me, and is introducing me to 5 top studios & executives in LA in Dec.
There's a hell of a lot more goodness in that, but basically that's the fantastico news!!!! Weeee!!!!!!!

I am feeling the combination of being exuberantly focused and ..shitting in my pants. Adrenaline junkie...So. Gotta be Prepared as I possibly can, Market/Package myself as best as I can, and just be the Power Force which is Me!!! I mean DAMN. FINALLLLY. 20 fuckin years battlin'....

"I wanna run down the halls of my highschool....I wanna bust down the double doors...and when I stand on these tables before you....you will know what all this Time was for....."-John Mayer "No Such Thing

p.s If you wanna know the fuller story, lemme know. For all parties involved I'd prefer to protect their privacy and not give out names. (I'm probably also not authorized to! lol).

Fame as still as a Mountain

She closed her eyes and descended further into the secret abyss. Part of the tiny joys that put pinpricks along her spine was the unknown, being in it and breathing it. Every plant, the curvature of the spear shaped leaves, the blue openness of the sky was perfect. She was on top of everything, God. What a humbling megalomania, to be on top of a mountain looking down at the ocean, the people tiny, the buildings miniscule. It made her aware of the insignificance of one human in comparison to the great big Earth, universe, galaxies. Simultaneously, how easily fame bridged that gap of insignificance and self-importance.



If she were to walk down the rocky mountain to the pink, yellow and blue structures below she would be instantly recognizable. Here, in this town somewhere on the outskirts of the city, oblivious to the hub of celebrity life, she could still create total chaos. One un-sunglassed walk into a local dairy below and in 5 minutes half the town's populace would be lining the block fighting each other for an autograph, even just a glimpse of her. So wrong it was, this mask of over-pompous importance, but how true it was. On the mountains, in nature's power, surrounded by evanescent wind and such radiant colours, it was a human that dominated the world.



How lost their race was. How anxious to believe in something, to hope that one person's life could hold such a gravity. How beautiful they all were, fragile and corruptible.



Bring a man to the mountains and sit him on the highest cliff. Show him now near his fingers are to the highest clouds. Let a man grasp how much power he holds within. And pray that in his confidence, he may still be humble.



She watched the sun shining its' rays over the sparkling water. The pact had been made, her and nature, nature and her, but soon it would be only a memory. She walked further into the abyss, preparing the mask she would have to wear, as the mountain covered itself with grass and weeds, she too would keep this peace hidden within her, would show only her designer sunglasses and tanned face to the hordes of her followers below.



Someday, she hoped she's bring all her fans onto the mountain, let them all feel the infinite wisdom of branches, ocean and hawks. It would be a union of all humans, drenched in the warm arms of planet Earth.



Someday her fame would be more than a bridge between spirituality and materialism.




Someday it would hold the power of a still mountain.

The Universal Human Condition and Its Thwarted Cure

Why do people read, write, listen to music, work, do anything at all besides dream?



Because all of humanity is secretly lonely, a loneliness felt deep within the soul of a unilateral existence. We seek anything that shows us in some min-ute way that in our loneliness we all feel the same, that we are understood, that our lives, while utterly alone, will never be insignificant or forgotten because Someone Else has understood us. Someone we may have never met, that thru their craft communicates perfectly those hidden nuances in our souls which to us were always felt, but uncommunicable. A client in a law firm. A singer on stage. An author of a book. A scientist with a theory. We, in our incredible loneliness, are all each other's significant Icons. To ourselves, we are only ourselves. But to others, we are the promise and fulfillment of complete understanding of the soul. What we see in a mirror is somebody else's answer, someone else's dream. We are all an icon to someone else. The thread of how a tapestry works is that each individual thread cannot make anything unless intertwined with another. Thus, the idea of Love, the complete solution to this pattern. From 2 individual threads, one is woven. From 1000 individual humans, a society is made.




In all our loneliness, we are alone. But to anyone else, we are a part, a vital part of their imagination and hope. We play some crucial piece of the jigsaw puzzle they try to solve every day.



Insanity is one of the cures of loneliness in which a person makes up many different people, thoughts, observations, and therefore connections (instead of normalcy which requires different people to have separate identities, purposes and meanings to the individual), the insane person instead of seeking the world and all its occupants of people and lifestyles, brings the world to himself, manifesting it in his/her own head.



Therefore is incapable of interacting with anything else other than one's own mind. Due to lack of communication, lack of understanding by other humans, this individual becomes categorized as "diseased". When any human being is able to relate to others, they become iconic, a representation of true Cure of soul-felt loneliness.



An insane person sacrifices relatability to others for relatability to his/her own self.



He/she becomes a nonety, a person not able to relate to others, thus seen by others as somewhat useless.



Humans want desperately to find a connection, understanding, validation, whether in the form of human relatability, or monetary gain, or status socially, or even extreme dislike for it shows the reverse of connection.



But an insane person is indifferent to social needs and wants. And is therefore an outcast by his own solution to loneliness, with a world inside the mind instead of living in the external one. In order to solve this loneliness, the human must succumb to his insanity. By doing so, he/she will be free, but in the eyes of the humans around him, no longer fully, human.

a thought on Love

Knowing and loving him, to the depths of so many platforms of connection has given me an enlightenment comparable to nothing before or after it.

Love is more than ultimate obsession. More than devotion, care, commitment, responsibility; it is a depth beyond anything else. It transcends our superficial existence and bites a dagger thru its core. It shakes us, questions us, throws us in a million directions and splits us apart. Those who have never known it, oh how I wish you could. Simultaneously, previously being part of that percentage which doubts its existence, and its "grandeur", I can firmly say without a doubt that it is Nothing like fairy tales or movies. It is More. It is on a level deeper and filled with greater journeys than the wildest imagination could dream. Journeys of the mind, the conscious, the subconscious, the gut, the libido, all of it.

What I feel for you is the most human love, and the most supernatural transcendental power of any miracle. I Love You.

THE LILIANA SUPREMACY WALLPAPER

Genius

here are some new song lyrics of mine. (it all rhymes to the tune in my mind. haven't recorded the music yet.)


"Genius"

i think i have a skewed perception
every thought is opposite from what they think
i'd rather be a hermit than popular
rather be of original substance than a #1 hit

all the picket fence brainwash
yea I flew above that from the start
they tell me life is only one way
i see it all as art

oh and i walked on water
when jesus was frozen in my kidneys
i have supernatural powers
i can soar when i'm asleep

chorous:

i'm a paranoid schizophrenic
hypomanic A.D.D
bipolar and a depressive OBCD

in my eyes i see the future
it's anything i want it to be
they all wanna call me crazy
i know i'm a genius. a genius.

this is how all genius speaks



been called ugly, beautiful, hot
and everything in between
you will find across all borders
you're only as big as you believe

delusional, said all the uppers
as i shared my plans to change the world
"its the ego that destroys you"
settle for a life less bold

you got all your labels
i got all my brain
i know i'm not the only one
who sees it all this way

voice-over bridge:

Kahlo, Einstein, Plath, Da Vinci
Nash, Plato, Gates, Manson, Shakespeare
They all had a vision nobody understood
Now the world bows to the ones they ridiculed


chorous x2

Irony

there's a birdie in my heart
watch it dance and sing a lot
feathers grow as it dances
flying upon currents of time

there's a poison in my veins
watch it soak into the trees
when the nests are being built
it will slowly, surely kill

YouAreTheREVOLUTION

Change is Everywhere. It's all Free. It's all Love. Can you SEE IT?! Can you Smell IT? Open yourself to it. Do not let Fear and Cynicism overtake you. Young People! Old People! That label doesn't even matter anymore, nor does race, sex, religion, political influence. You are a carbon-based form vessel, individualizing yourself thru everything you see, everything you do. That nagging thing in your mind, Listen to it will you?!!! It's the thing that defies any and all present logic and creates huge opportunities, solutions and new dimensions of thought that are unique to only you. Listen to your instincts, to your deepest, truest beliefs because those are what matter. Everything else is noise. The Internet, GRAND. 10 years ago I couldn't have the massive audience after just typing something up, or drawing, or painting, or making music. It is Now! FAN FUCKING TASTIC. 10 years ago it wasn't possible to make more money out of an invisible entity like webspace than in an "office job". Nay not even that! It's a matter of opening your mind to the Possibility of something Working. "Hmm, I wonder if I walk down this street today and ask every person for $5. What's the worst thing that could happen, ...oh what will everyone think.." "I wonder if I just hugged this person coming towards me, this stranger. Nah. They'd think I was a pervert." "I wonder...I wonder if I did "X" would it work?" I am a Dragon Jaguar representation of this change and let me tell you it is all SO FUCKING POSSIBLE ITS RIDICULOUS. I taught myself everything I know (dance, cooking, music, art, health, love, business, ...basic "SKool" subjects, all the things that click like de ja vou when I bump into them) institutionalized education hasn't made the cut for many years. Knowledge is everywhere, Grab it! Though its not actually "learning" so much as it is recollecting what I already knew within myself. Actual knowledge is putting into application that which is in your mind; for the part of you that nobody but you sees, to be released and visible. That is all your soul, your entire being Yearns and Aches to do. Everything flows, anything is possible, and that is not naive or day-dreamy self-help fodder, its fucking REAL people. If your life isn't twisting and turning in quite the way you want it to, never doubt what you knew or were seeking originally. Time, space, people, the weather, it takes a while for these forces to catch up to the idea in you. Experiment with yourself and see just how far your vision can take you. It's euphoric! Don't ever quit being you or thinking the way you think. Be adaptable, be versatile and able to change, but retain your YOU-NESS. Things that make perfect sense in your brain are likely to be nonsense to your "real-world logic". Fuck it. Do it anyway. Just to piss yourself off, kick yourself in the ass and love yourself all at once. See, its so hard, so miserable, so excruciating to Trust Yourself, because it would mean that everything which is around you doesn't fit. It means that You are your own answer, and you have the responsibility to live up to whatever that answer is, to change what doesn't fit, BECAUSE ONLY YOU AND NO OTHER BEING HAS IT! Minimum wage, mortgage, deaf, blind, hungry, poor, legless, raped, abused, fucked, ignored, skewered, unappreciated, all of it is a triangle trying to convince you of your destiny. Beating you up, scaring you, making you into a terrorized square when what you really are is a brilliant hexagon. Shut up all the outside fuss. Don't let anyone or anything external define who and what you are (this writing included.) What is Your destiny? What is Your path? Well, only you know that. Listen!

TheLilianaStore

The Liliana Store is in the process of being built. All Artworks, Music, Photography, Writings, Poetry, Books & Novels (and probably other "etceteras") will be available for you to own. The Anomaly Infinite book project is now available thru lulu, see below under link: The Liliana Store. 2 of the major works (The Anomaly Infinite multi-genre, multi-media book project and Cacaoethes Scribendi: The Urge To Write Poetry, Photography & Artwork book have been Finished since 2007 (also available thru lulu publishing) and I continue to look for a bigger publisher. If anyone is interested Email me!! Music is available for download on www.myspace.com/lilianaalam
Keep checking this page for the website update of The Liliana Store. If you're interested in owning any Liliana work, send me an email. You can buy a replica or poster version of the original. Look for the paypal logo which will look something like this:

If you see this under or beside any LILIANA creation on any LILIANA websites, you can purchase whatever is listed. Yay! lol.

Thank you to each individual for your continuing valuable feedback, support and love.

Golden

It's not a moment in time
it's Time's Moment
you remember it all
because it's Golden

that spark of magic you felt
aint no illusion
the precious presence of life
in something simple

the den's dawn and its dusk
kinda chocolatey red brown
your eyes are open and closed
your mind's dancin on clouds

you find the peace that lifts you up
you gotta pull it thru you
let it seep thru your gut
push your soul into you

a few seconds you had
a million moonsets ago
that sweet nostalgia's enough
to electrify the future

don't let it all go
tell yourself that it's past
in the same dimension as now
you're still in that moment!

shoelaces untie when they're dirty
but the mud that soaked thru
is proof you've run thru it
don't let go, don't let it up

the time was then
the time is now
the time's the future
don't forget that The Moment's Golden

"If you see the wonder....
in a Fairy Tale
You can face the future
even if you fail

I Believe in Angels

Something good in everything I see..

I have a Dream....

I have a Dream..."


guess where that's from....

Note: this is not one of my works. I had a big urge calling to find an artwork that captured "intense passion love" perfectly, which for me this does, what I see in my head and heart when I think of, unfortunately don't know who the artist is who depicted it so grandly, anyone knows let me know to give due credit! Also what was kind of strange/cool/great/or maybe just coincidence is the man/character depicted in this painting looks so much like Helms, and its rare to find love/art paintings where the male character is depicted with a darker skin tone, with lighter brown curly hair. I LOVE THIS WORK. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE IT. So URGENT SO GRAND SO BEAUTIFUL SEDUCTIVE PASSION OBSESSION FIRE SWEAT BLOOD PAIN CARE COMPASSION...LOVE I Love the multi-layering it has as well, figures on the bottom, everything from loving to erotic, light to dark.

a still mind

see the cherry blossom
vine creeping into pink submission
seedling growing from the waterfall of life
i run
galloping past every tree
my tongue tasting the coils
of tightly coiled plants beneath the ground
they too sense my presence
as the ants who clean their home march forward
my breath slices the blossom from its branch
twirling in honour,
she falls to the earth
I bow
my cheeks, tinged with pink.

Soulbeat

observe the shallows in the marsh
so keenly the trees wave and josh
watch the seagulls dance their dance
stare until you have no glance

hear the nuances within the song
play music as if the land and you were one
feed the desires of your instinct
banish only that toxicity which retains

live the wise but do not be the sage
frolic freely as long as is the day
do not concern yourself too much with set reality
the only rules which are present are the ones you perceive

Love in Blood, Fire, Ice, Depth and Earth
run thru forests to sense your birth
create as much as your whim inspires
give yourself the gift of recording life

be the instrument of a thousand thoughts
embrace what is of worth, seek to understand all that which is not
be the legend, be the great, for pursuit of the classic
and not ego's false games

the crazy ideas, those are the best
and what use is money if you can't be bold with it?
smell all the juices and touch diverse skin
let the creative force flow thru you at will

cherish each shining moment
contemplate who you are
seek the path which fulfills your soul
and most importantly, taste the world

What A Waste It Would Be....To Not Dance In The Sea

So bizarre, this feeling that overwhelms me. It rushes thru my spinal fluid and heart. Oh joy that the inspiration has become me, I am alive, I am running, I am the lark. How hard the mind wants to work, to reach a euphoric trascendence. To finally at last be worthy of immortal remembrance. The great idea, the final phrase. A love that forever seeps into roses and escapades. The ideal, is it worth more than the active course. The eye which sees the future is our instinctual urge. How do we know what we want. Do not we eventually attain it somehow. Thru pure coincidence our fate is bound. I hunger for more, and the answer to. This insanity which captures my fingers and glues me to...The darkest alley in the shadow of the prostitutes, on the chance that it may bring me further to my great pursuit. Inside the mortal minds of men, the perplexed confusion leads us further into our true selves. I connect the stars in the sky to the arrow upon which now I fly. And there the birds sit somberly and talk to me. And there I always am searching to be.

On Morality

Morality is what a parent's own system of belief, which they received from their own parents, is injected upon the lives of their children. Morality is a circular concept which is difficult to trace due to its very nature. It is created by humans and entirely manufactured to the rules of modern society, whatever society those humans might be living in. Morality in Africa could mean respecting your parents enough to have tattoos painfully marked into your skin and raping 12 year old virgins. In America it could mean leaving the home by 18 and upon completion of virtuous, college education, buying your parents a ritual token of your love, such as a vacation to an exotic place payed for by you, or an object of value that took you 4 years of hard work in low-pay minimum wage jobs. All for the sake of eventually becoming a person of "character". Character, let's analyze this bizarre notion. That by following a specific set of behaviours, by performing specific deeds somewhat like a monkey without a brain, you eventually earn the respect of those humans around you. It makes me want to shoot anyone I see in the street. Clones of the same process. And if you love someone, that depth of feeling and enormous chemical surge in every vein of your body is not enough. It has to be proven with buying trinkets of affection, or making grand gestures, or remembering to be compassionate and caring. Of course you want the one you love to be happy. But yet again, what does Happy mean? Happy in modern society means having a job which you enjoy which gives you a comfortable income, a dwelling of some sort, a family who you love, physical health and spiritual satisfaction. How fantasmical. A do-list of things to make happiness possible. This notion that character, morality, happiness, are actual real things continually shows the true, beautiful hopeful nature of humans, and also their ultimate stupidity. We are all hermits. Completley isolated. I Am an island. No matter how deeply I love someone, there will be circumstances somehow, sometime in which we will be physically separate. Yes, emotional and spiritual feelings cross boundaries of physical distance and once a person who you would kill yourself for has entered your life, you will never stop loving them. But, you are still a hermit. If you want to live in society, you must follow its rules. Rules such as morality and social conscience. Rules that say you are not allowed to sleep naked on the beach at night without being declared psychotic, homeless, or dangerous. Rules that dictate you must have a job which provides money for you to live in your dwelling. Social rules which require you have regular dinner parties and engage in petty conversations by the workforce waterhole. Rules that demand that you must open up your feelings, philosophies, thoughts and ideas to strangers who thru the process of you opening up become your friends, thus making you a valuable addition to society. To be a true hermit, your only choice is to work for a long time to make enough money to buy a ticket to the remotest part of the world and live by traveling thru woods, perhaps naked, and eating whatever natural produce you find along the way. Survival is optional, and not mandatory because of your mortgage, and your crying babies, and your spousely duties. You are free. But, if you have an emotional attachment to someone, who is your very blood and life, you won't be fully free unless they are by your side. When caring for yourself, it doesn't matter as much if you have eaten or slept in a comfortable tree. But if the one you love is beside you, you want to spray some magical dust on everything which they touch to ensure it is worthy to be walked on, looked upon, or anything by them. You want the rocks to be soft, the sand to be smooth, the sky to be the continuous hue which they like, for them to not worry about anything. This very longing, this want and need to control the environment which surrounds your love, is the basis of the beginning of morality. Morality would not exist if there was only one person occupying the planet. For once there are two people, a trap exists. A freedom, true, that thru the exchange of physical lust, mental stimulation, idea convergence, understanding of some undefinable truth, obsession of a singular entity other than yourself, an insatiable hunger, thru this, is euphoria and transcendence. But, it is also the basis of human error. We could be so free, so completely pure and have everything that we want if we didn't fool ourselves into thinking we are all one unit. Most people want freedom. Not knowing how to attain it, they have various plans and ways of trying. There are the traditionalists who work hard throughout grade and high school, graduate from a respectable university and work hard at a job for 40 years, then retire and sail around the world. There are the entreperneural types who go the route of business, usually achieving the same but in a less amount of time. Then there are the art-inclined who either achieve this freedom at a young age, or continue to be paid pennies for their creative existance but find freedom within it, and probably never get to retire and sail around the world. To each, freedom is still an individual thing. For an artist, it would be to paint, to be free to paint whatever he or she wanted, at whatever time, and to be able to eat and sleep somewhere without worrying about where the money would be coming from. For those with families, it is about having enough money to be able to spend as much time with as possible. For the achievement inclined, it is about how many awards and accolades and perhaps monetary compensation they can earn as possible. Even an individual in love, in freedom, hopes to be with the one they love, but that want is an internal, individual phenomenon that comes from within their own mind. Morality, makes all these individual freedoms somewhat impossible. An artist paints what he/she wants to paint, and many times what that is is not what anyone else wants to see. In order for them to survive, they must paint an image which others want to see, because money, comes from others. Because of this fair ethics policy in society, an individual should not be forced to do something they don't want to do. An artist could not hold up someone at gunpoint and demand them to pay for their painting. A businessman cannot blackmail a client into purchasing a property or joining on a deal. It is these matters, which many choose to ignore. There are those in society who follow these laws of morality, and those living in society who do not. Many times it is difficult to distinguish who is and who isn't. People, when dealing with other people, will either manipulate the perceptions other people have of them thru talking or will be true to the selves they are when there are no people around. The point of morality, and existance of it can be summed up with just that. Who are you when there are no other people around. What do you do when you are alone. What thoughts do you think, what dreams do you dream? If who you are when you are alone is in conflict with who you are when you are amidst other people, the concept of morality is void. It is a mask of social construct, because people do not want to be themselves around other people. It limits freedom, to show so much of yourself. People are inherently selfish, and are inherently hermits. They fail to realize it because they want acceptance for who they are, or rather who they pretend to be in front of others. If there were no other people on the planet, no other beings or animals or plants, what would you do? Morality exists because society determines there is a need for it. Different societies have different moralities. The individual mindset is individual, and will never be fully equal to what any other person feels is innately sound for them. Society limits the individual by falsely promising freedom. Freedom, which if you live entirely alone, is already yours. Morality is the ultimate fraud of man. And man is scared of himself, his true self. The self that is violent. The self that survives. The self that subjects itself to pain and awareness and the instincts of nature. He fears the guttaral impulses he possesses and strives to erase them. Thru shirts, policies, moral conduct, taxes, road rules, licenses, marriages, committments, concepts of honour and justice and dignity, all of these exist only because man does not love his true, naked self. Morality is self-hatred disguised by a society of those who secretly hate themselves.

On Masturbation

Masturbation is the highest level of self control possible. To exert the entirety of one's body to the point of orgasm/ejaculation is transcending. The focus required to successfully release a series of contracting pulses is not only healthy, but necessary. Morality, again, and the Religious Way, prohibits self-fulfillment. Because religious fanatics and The Moral are secretly self-hating. To give the body pleasure would be to admit that the body is capable of pleasure, and to admit that would be to say that a human is self-sufficient. A human can grow vegetables, walk, reproduce, and masturbate. Natural functions, most of which are discouraged by society, especially in the case of masturbation in overly-frequent amounts. Masturbation requires an attention to the tiny nuances of pressure and touch which stimulate the body to experience hungry sensations. A hunger that is similar to an itch, simultaneously pleasurable and painful. As most truly erotic pleasures are, pain is a subsidiary. The fingers, neck, collarbone, shoulders, back, butt, calves, legs, thighs, hair, ears, nose, mouth, lips, each a vital part in the construction of the human pleasure vehicle. The neglectful beliefs of sexual activists is that they forget about how immensely pleasurable the details can be. A specific touch at a specific temperature on a specific part of the body equates in a more pleasurable orgasm. To understand, to love and to touch all parts of the body and not just common erogenous zones is a matter of awareness and acceptance. Love. The beauty of the body, of each contraction, of each wave. This is not entirely dependent on emotional love. Emotional love comes from within loving onesself. When truly loving onesself, loving another's body is automatic. The best sex is thru this understanding. The connection felt during masturbation is perfect. That perfection is achieved with another only if both have both truly masturbated by themselves and taken the time to know what their body desires and responds to. Sex, is not about actions, nor is it about emotions. It is about an individual understanding of the body, and how the body relates to the mind, to the psyche, to the emotional sphere of the brain. These elements are crucial to the physical process of sex, the gravity of force and lack of it. Masturbation is about understanding yourself. Modern society encourages you to understand others, not yourself. Which is why few ever achieve true sexual fulfillment. Women are encouraged to attain to their partner's needs, men encouraged to have the stamina to fulfill their women. Neither is addressing the most basic human need, to feel sexual satisfaction within one's own mind. Listen to the urges you have within yourself while you masturbate. Suck your fingers if there is an impulse to put your mouth around an object. Lick your hand if there is an impulse to taste. Move, move hips, move legs, kick, if there is the natural instinct to do so. These impulses will be alive and muscle-automated during sex with another lover. If you had not masturbated, you would have picked up these signals during intercourse with another and would not be able to determine whether they were yours, or theirs, or how to do them. The interference of others prevents self happiness. And self happiness should be strived for because self exploration Is self happiness.These are the actions which masturbation helps us to understand about ourselves. It is only thru self-discovery when we will learn about how to satisfy another. Most importantly though, that each satisfies the individual self, and that thru this individual satisfaction, mutual satisfaction is met. Without masturbation, this bliss is not possible.

On The Principle Of Living

Plants and animal life are programmed with cell-death. They all eventually die. With the best possible estimates, let us say humans live an approximate maximum of 100 years.

Now what I have seen of humans is a rapturous high energy. It is mostly positive. Though not humble. It is an emotion of great Awe. Because of the realization of how limited time left, everyone packs as much into each moment as possible. The energy is action, to do. More experiences, more work, more activities, more anything, in a desperate effort to thank the sources of nature (and parents) and redeem our morality thru the principle of hard work, humans have masked their innate fear of dying as unfinished people by over-achieving and over-doing in any aspect of life. Not that there is anything wrong with it. I only ask, maybe the focus of life shouldn't be so much of trying to squeeze in 100 lives into 100 years, but to enjoy the limited time we have and enjoy it specifically for that reason. How about doing nothing for a change, and simply, being?